Sneha Mehta - 21 Things every Girl Should Know

Sneha Mehta

from them.

Badan Ki Baat

Dil Ka Ding-Dong

Duniya Ka Mumbo-Jumbo

The Origin of This Book

Radhika and I had been best friends, so much so that we were called 'attached' twin sisters in school. Then, things changed. She moved to Pune to do an MBA while I decided to study psychology in Udaipur, my hometown.

It wasn't the distance in our relationship that was bothering me, but the difference in our ideologies. This 21 year old had started falling in love, over and over again, often shifting to a new guy when an ex ditched her. Having been dumped multiple times, she felt used and vulnerable. I with my limited knowledge, called her foolish to fall for the wrong guy. I asked her to be single. She couldn't live up to it. To punish her, I stopped talking to her.

Her relationships were physical and to me, my best friend had become a 'dirty' person to be with. I don't care a hoot of who is sleeping with whom. To each his own. But... best friend? Although she was honest with her confessions, my harsh words had created a friction between us. Until one day, when she called again.

She said, 'I feel so deserted. Nobody loves me. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel!'

I said sarcastically, 'No guy today?'

She said, 'Shut up. I need someone who loves me. I need love!'

She was sobbing furiously. My heart went out for her. After all, we had been best friends for so long. And this wasn't the first time we were sharing our suffering with each other. She took a pause and said 'I have no idea why I do what I do. Sometimes I feel it is bad karma. May be its destiny. Please don't say anything. I just want you to listen.'

I stopped for a moment to listen. She continued, 'Life has always been a struggle. First I saw my parents fighting with each other, now I see myself fighting with my boyfriends. It makes me feel so afraid, so insecure about the future.'

I kept silent, unable to come up with the right words. For the first time, I didn't feel like exploding at her. And it felt great. Listening to her without being judgmental. Lending my ear without getting into an advice mode. Being there in her hour of need. Best friends.

That day something happened that changed our lives. For the first time, I didn't try to seek an 'instant' solution. Rather, I delved deep into the problem. I was studying psychology and it was high time I put the theory into 'practice'. I let go of my ego - what 'I' think is right or wrong-and stopped dividing the world into good and bad.

A new awareness dawned on me.

I went back to Radhika's past to get an insight. Radhika's parents had deep resentment, anger and mistrust against each other. They were always fighting. A single loving parent is much better than two parents who are always resentful to each other. Amidst this hatred, Radhika had never had a loving conversation with her mom and dad. The conversation, if any, was kept to minimum. In school, she often confessed to me that she would 'suppress' her urge to talk. It is here, just here, that I spotted a pattern. Since Radhika couldn't get love at home, she was seeking it elsewhere in a desperate mode. She started 'giving' herself to anyone and everyone who gave her a glimpse of affection, even if it was momentary, even if it was fake, even it meant sleeping with a guy.

All that she wanted in return was to be loved back.

With this new insight about Radhika's pattern, my relationship with her improved dramatically. I stopped criticizing her for her mistakes. Rather, I saw her as an injured party. My heart opened. The varying walls of conflict between us started melting down. I started listening to her with more love in my heart, without expecting her to do just as I said. Gradually, her vision became far-sighted. Her sense of self worth hightened. And we literally celebrated when she said, 'NO!' to a guy who was infamous for time-pass affairs.

This change wasn't sudden, mind you. Neither was it magical! This transformation was slow but sure. Radhika and only Radhika worked on herself. I was simply a tool who made her aware of her pattern. To break the pattern, a lot of forgiveness work went into action. She accepted the fact that as humans, we have little control on other people's lives, even if they are our parents. She started feeling pity for her parents, who were not mature enough to deal with their 'conceptual' differences, who hadn't learnt as yet that if there is any heaven in the universe, it is here on earth itself. I advised Radhika to not interfere in their lives with premature healing. I advised Radhika to let go of her parent's behaviour, for nobody can change anybody. Change can happen only if 'the person' allows it to happen. And not everybody is ready for the change, the awareness, the realization, the awakening. Most people take a lot of time to grow, to be really mature.

As this awareness dawned upon Radhika, she could let go of 'my parents fight' and 'there isn't a loving environment at home'. I also asked her to read a few good books-The Secret and You Can Heal Your Life-to be precise, which she diligently did, to get a deeper insight into the laws of karma and how it can be changed.

Radhika could now see things from a higher vantage point. She wasn't given love that she so desired, so what? She could give love, to millions and millions of people out there who are literally waiting for this one and only one thing-love. It was pure joy for me to witness this turn about in her life.

As I started probing further, I realized that it is even tougher for girls. We are expected to be submissive. We are expected to cry than raise our voices in a protest. We are expected to keep our mouth shut rather than asking aisa kyun? We have a little say, even it's 'our' life. First, its Papa who decides what we are going to study, what we are going to wear and whom we are going to marry. Then, it's off to Mr. Husband and son.

Many complex questions arose in my mind, for which I wanted simple answers. These weren't simply psychological issues but also questions pertaining to biology, traditions and myths. I started reading even more, researched to get the facts right, interviewed doctors and stared outside the window for hours on end, often lost in thought. I wanted answers, now and here! And I felt euphoric each time a way out of self-induced suffering was found. I felt like sharing all this knowledge with you, the reader, the girl who likes to be well informed, the girl who laughs from her heart and feels free to cry. And basically, it was this expanded understanding of girlhood over the years, which gave birth to 21 Things Every Girls Should Know.

Why is it Only For Girls

Men and women are differently hardwired. What is true for us does not necessarily need to be true for our men. We like to go to the loo in groups; men never ask their friends 'Aeey, to mere saath toilet chal raha hai kya?