Lyons Tony - 101 tips for the parents of girls with autism: the most crucial things you need to know about diagnosis, doctors, schools, taxes, vaccinations, babysitters, treatment, food, self-care, and more

Copyright 2010 by Tony Lyons

Copyright 2015 by Kim Stagliano

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Print ISBN: 978-1-62914-508-2

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-62914-842-7

Cover design by Eve Siegel

Printed in the United States of America

WARNING: The information contained herein is for informational purposes only. Neither the editor, nor the publisher, nor any other person or entity can take any medical or legal responsibility of having the information contained within 101 Tips for the Parents of Girls with Autism considered as a prescription for any person. Every child is different and parents need to consult with their own doctors, therapists, lawyers, financial advisors, or other professional to determine what is best for them and their child. Failure to do so can have disastrous consequences.

Contents

Introduction

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

Thats what little boys are made of!

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice

Thats what little girls are made of!

What are autism parents made of?

Courage and care as we pull out our hair

Thats what autism parents are made of!

I was sitting at my small and always cluttered computer desk in the eating area of my kitchen (ah, the glamour of being a writer) when I received a call from Skyhorse Publishing. They asked if I would take a book of 1,001 tips for parents of girls with autism, compiled by publisher Tony Lyons himself, and cull the tips for a new book.

As Mom to three daughters with autism, I do have certain bona fides when it comes to females on the spectrum. My girls are not youngsters any longer, so I have a pretty long view of their autism. I have the experience of having weathered school and puberty and the terror of starting to face post-school adult issues. My daughters, whom you met in my 2010 memoir All I Can Handle: Im No Mother Teresa , are now twenty, eighteen, and fourteen.

I am inordinately fond of the Skyhorse Publishing team for their commitment to the autism community and sheer bravery in presenting autism related topics and authors to readers. Publisher Tony Lyons has a beautiful daughter on the spectrum (you can read about her in Finding Lina: A Mothers Journey from Autism to Hope , her mothers book) and he has melded his love for Lina with his passion for publishing.

For those of you who are familiar with my writing and who may follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that one of my best stress relievers is standing in my kitchen and whipping up something savory or sweet. Cooking and baking are outlets for me as an Italian American Mama! and autism Mom. You also know that Im all about the retroseems I was born at least a decade later than I should have been. I collect vintage cookbooks, and while Im not above using a King Arthur Flour gluten-free boxed mix on a regular basis, I also love scratch cooking and baking.

So when asked to do this book, I without hesitation said, Yes! Id love to create a recipe for success for parents of girls with autism! I danced around the kitchen for moment, excited at the prospect of a new book. This will be a piece of cake! Aha! I had found my theme and format for this revised version of a book that, in its original format, is like a huge multi-tiered cake. One thousand and one tips is a lot of info! This book is more like a table set with platters of petit fours . Small bites to get you started as you look for info to help your own daughter, loved one, student, patient, or client with autism. Ive sprinkled recipes into each chapter, just for fun. Some Ive adapted from my favorite cookbooks (with references, of course) and others are from a terrific book from Skyhorse called The Autism Cookbook: 101 Gluten-free and Allergen-free Recipes by Susan K. Delaine, a fellow autism Mom.

In thinking about a book thats geared to females with autism, a Joe Jackson song popped into my head:

Dont you know that its different for girls...

Autism is different for girls in many ways. Girls are expected to be social, to have better communication skills than boys, and to understand social cues, facial expressions, and feelings better than boys. Girls are expected to brush their hair, polish their nails, play with dolls, wear skirts and dresses, sit quietly, and play nicely.

Uh-uh. Not in my household, and probably not in yours. Outside of their beauty, my girls arent very girly at all. Boys can get away with not having a full complement of social and communication skillseven without autism. You and I know that it is different for girls. That said, many of the strategies needed to navigate school, home, and the world apply equally to boys and girls.

As parents of daughters I think we need to be hyper-focused on safety. Lets face it: our kids tend to be ethereally attractive. What better victim than a gorgeous woman who does not have the ability to advocate for herself fully or, in many instances, to communicate any form of abuse? Its a harsh reality and a recipe for disaster. Weve already lived it with my youngest, who was abused on the school bus in 2010. Criminal charges, a civil suitagony.

I want you to think of the hard work youve had so far and the work you face in terms of creating the safest possible life for your girl. School? Raising a girl who can read even at a basic level and entertain herself quietly with booksfrom I Can Read basic books to chapter books to novels or non-fictionis a challenge. Making sure that she can sit safely in the library or at a coffee shop looking completely typicaleven more so. Toileting? An imperative skill. How many times a day do you use the toilet? Five times? Six times? A female who can tend to her own bathroom hygiene does not need another person to assist her. Thats five or more times a day that her body is private and protected. Kind of scary to contemplate, but its the reality.

The harder you work at getting skills into your girl at as young an age as possible, the bigger the payoff for her. But Im here to tell you that our girls can gain skills forever. I have zero tolerance for the concept of windows and doors slamming shut. My daughters are not buildings. Neither is yours. I have seen them gain skills year after year. Sure, much of it is at a snails pace, and some of the skills are at a five-year-old level. But you know what? Five-year-old skills are ahead of three-year-old skills. Its progress. Dont panic if your daughter doesnt have the skills you think she should have at her agejust keep plugging away. She will surprise and delight you.

Please bear in mind that each cook brings his or her own touch to the food. Three cooks with one recipe will turn out three slightly different dishes. The same holds true in autism. A tip that works for Jane might be a flop for Susan. Wed all love a recipe for success for our girls. Use this book as a guideline to help you feel less alone in your journey to raise your daughter with autism.