Johnson Institute (Minneapolis - What to Do When Youre Worried About Your Kids Choice of Friends: For Parents, Teachers, and Other Caregivers
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What to Do When Youre Worried About Your Kids Choice of Friends: For Parents, Teachers, and Other Caregivers
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What to Do When You're Worried About Your Kid's Choice of Friends : For Parents, Teachers, and Other Caregivers Parenting for Prevention Information Series
author
:
publisher
:
Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin
:
1562461516
print isbn13
:
9781562461515
ebook isbn13
:
9780585351124
language
:
English
subject
Parent and teenager, Friendship in adolescence, Teenagers--Social networks.
publication date
:
1998
lcc
:
HQ799.15.W46 1998eb
ddc
:
649/.125
subject
:
Parent and teenager, Friendship in adolescence, Teenagers--Social networks.
Page i
What to Do When You're Worried about Your Kid's Choice of Friends
For Parents, Teachers, and Other Caregivers
Page ii
Editor's Note: We use the term "alcohol and other drugs" in this booklet to emphasize that alcohol is a drugjust like tranquilizers, cocaine, marijuana, heroin, or any other mind-altering substance. We also sometimes use the term "chemical dependence" because it covers addiction to all these mind-altering drugs and because it's short and simple.
Copyright 1998 Hazelden Foundation. Previously published 1998 by the Johnson Institute - QVS, Inc. First published 1998 by Hazelden. All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without express permission in writing from the publisher:
Hazelden Information and Educational Services Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-9000 (Toll Free U.S., Canada, and the Virgin Islands) 1-651-213-4000 (Outside the U.S. and Canada) 1-651-213-4590 (24-hour Fax) www.hazelden.org
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data What to do when you're worried about your kid's choice of friends: for parents, teachers, and other caregivers. p. cm.(The parenting for prevention information series) ISBN 1-56246-151-6 (pbk.) 1. Parent and teenager. 2. Friendship in adolescence. 3. TeenagersSocial networks. I. Johnson Institute (Minneapolis, MN) II. Series. HQ799.15.W46 1998 649'.125dc21 97-39101 CIP
Printed in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Page 1
Worried about Your Child's Friends?
Whether you're a parent, educator, or other caregiver, you know how important friends are tokids. Especially for adolescents, having friends and learning to be a friend are critical to helping them develop self-esteem, security, and a sense of self-worth. As a parent, it's natural at times, to be worried or concerned about your child's "choice" of friends. And as a teacher or other caregiver, you also may worry when you see a child becoming friends with another studentor peer who you may think is a "bad" influence. If so, it's tempting to want to intervene to help kids make the ''right" choices. But beware! If you find yourself criticizing or saying something unfavorable about a child's choice of friends, your well-intentioned desire to help may very likely backfire. Tread lightly. When a child feels as if a friend is being criticized, he or she is likely to overact, defending this friend to the bitter end and becoming even more passionately committed to the friendship.
Having friends and learning to be a friend are critical to helping develop self-esteem, security, and a sense of self-worth in your child
When it comes to your own child, especially if he or she is a teenager, it's important to remember that you're not his or her boss. You do, however, have the right and the responsibility to parent your child. So if you believe that a friend is having a negative or harm-
Page 2
ful influence on your child, you need to do something about it. Despite your child's protestations, you have the benefit of experience and a broader perspective, which makes you a better judge of the situation. You know, too, whether your child is vulnerable or susceptible to negative influences. You can recognize the red flags that signal potential trouble or danger even though your child's choice of a friend may seem exciting or "cool" to him or her.
You can't choose kids' friends for them. However, if a friend incites your child to take part in self-destructive, harmful, hurtful, unhealthy or illegal activities, it's up to you to intervene immediately. These guidelines will help you teach kids how to choose good friends and companions and how to avoid those who may spell "trouble."
Learn to Recognize Trouble
Your primary concern as a parent, teacher, or other caregiver is to protect the health and safety of kids, which requires being aware of trouble signs. Here are a few to watch for: If a child's friend is using alcohol or other drugs, being habitually truant, exhibiting bullying behavior, using foul language, and is influencing other kids to do likewise, that friend may be "trouble." As a parent, you need to be very clear in telling your child that you disapprove of this friend's behavior, not that you disapprove of him or her as a person. Stand firm in conveying to your child that you will not tolerate this sort of behavior from anyone. Emphasize that you will absolutely not allow your child to associate with any friend who threatens his or her safety and well-being, or that of others.
Page 3
Naturally, as a parent, not all of your child's friends will necessarily be appealing to you. You may be put off by a particular friend's appearance, language, attitude, or the kind of family he or she comes from. Even though this is understandable, personal dislike is not a wise or just measure for approving or disapproving of your child's friend. There's a difference between disliking someone's outward appearanceor even superficial way of coming across (a boy having a pierced ear, a girl dressing in suggestive clothing, or a teenager speaking in street slang) versus destructive behavior that can actually harm your child. Besides, labeling a certain friend of your child's as a "bad" kid seldom, if ever, persuades him or her to drop the friendship. Plus you might not know your child's friends well enough to make this judgment call, which is why it's so important to become well acquainted with your kids' friends.
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