Johnson Institute Staff - Communicating: how to confront kids when theyre doing wrong : how to encourage kids when they do right
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Communicating: how to confront kids when theyre doing wrong : how to encourage kids when they do right
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Communicating : How to Confront Kids When They're Doing Wrong : How to Encourage Kids When They Do Right Parenting for Prevention Information Series
author
:
publisher
:
Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin
:
1562461370
print isbn13
:
9781562461379
ebook isbn13
:
9780585361994
language
:
English
subject
Parent and child, Communication in the family, Parenting.
publication date
:
1997
lcc
:
HQ755.85.P3533 1997eb
ddc
:
649/.1
subject
:
Parent and child, Communication in the family, Parenting.
Page 1
Communicating: How to Confront Kids When They're Doing Wrong How to Encourage Kids When They Do Right
Page 2
Editor's Note: We use the term "alcohol and other drugs" in this booklet to emphasize that alcohol is a drug--just like tranquilizers, cocaine, marijuana, heroin, or any other mind-altering substance. We also sometimes use the term "chemical dependence" because it covers addiction to all these mind-altering drugs and because it's short and simple.
Copyright 1997, by the Hazelden Foundation. First published 1997 by Johnson Institute. First published by Hazelden 1998. All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without express permission in writing from the publisher:
Hazelden 15251 Pleasant Valley Road Center City, MN 55012-0176
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Parenting for prevention : communicating : how to confront kids when they're doing wrong--how to encourage them when they're doing right. p.cm. ISBN 1-56246-137-0 1. Parent and child. 2. Communication in the family. 3. Parenting. I. Johnson Institute (Minneapolis, MN) HQ755.85.P3533 1997 649'.1--dc21 97-3375 CIP
Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Page 3
There's nothing easy about being a parent. We love our kids and want them to be happy, safe, and successful in everything they do. Naturally, we worryit simply comes with the territory. We worry about whether our kids are doing well in school, what kind of friends they're hanging around with, if they're drinking or using other drugs, and most of all, how to keep them safe from all the violence that exists.
Our protective instinct makes us wish we could keep our kids close at hand twenty-four hours a day, making sure they're doing the right thing and staying out of harm. But we can't. Even though we want desperately to keep our kids safe, we can't protect them when they're out of our sightat school, with friends, or out on the streets. And even if we could, we know that we have to let our children grow up and gradually leave the nest.
So where does that leave us? How can we stop worrying and start trusting that our kids will make
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the right choices in an often dangerous world where violence, alcohol, and other drug use have become the norm? The answer is this: By EMPOWERING our kids. By helping them learn how to be sensible, safe, and secure.
That's what every parent wants. We want our children to develop into confident, competent individuals who are able to stand on their own, avoid peer pressure, and be accepted and respected wherever they go. We want them to grow up to be responsible family members and upstanding citizens. We want them to learn how to make healthy choices that ensure their well-being at every stage of their lives.
And we can. IF we're willing to start EMPOWERING them.
The most important way we empower our kids is by communicating effectively with them. Why? Because kids who can communicate with their parents feel understood and loved. When we know how to really talk and listen to our kids, they learn how to talk and listen to others. And they feel that their ideas and feelings counta real boost to their self-esteem. That's empowering. Communicating effectively with our kids produces other important results, too. For in-
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stance, kids whose parents really talk and listen to them make friends more easily, do better in school, are more likely to be involved in healthy extracurricular activities, and are less likely to get into trouble.
Effective communication affirms our kids' feelings and helps them express themselves more easily and appropriately. In contrast, kids who don't learn from their parents how to communicate well feel frustrated, angry, isolated, lonely, and often rejected. When parents fail to really listen and talk to them, kids may feel ignored or discounted, making them far more vulnerable to negative peer pressure and other unhealthy influences.
Most kids, at one time or another tell their parents, "You just don't understand me!"but this can be a red flag that communication has broken down or even deteriorated to the point where kids don't feel safe sharing their feelings with their parents.
If you ask any parent, "Do you want to know what's really going on with your child?" the universal answer will be "Yes!" Almost without exception, parents are concerned and want to communicate well with their kids. And most of us think we're doing just that. After all, we talk to our kids all the timereminding them, "Jay, don't
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you have a history test tomorrow? You'd better start studying now." "Lisa, how are you getting home from practice if I can't pick you up?" "Evan, I told you to get off the phoneNow!!!"
Likewise, we think we're truly listening when we're on the receiving end of our kids' endless barrage of informationhearing how they did on the science test, or why they need to have a certain pair of high-tops, or how awful their hair looks, or how they'd rather have pizza than pot roast for dinner.
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