Michele Borba - Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

Thrivers is a call to action. Our children are hurting, and Thrivers shows you the costnot only in accurately describing the challenges our children face but also showing how to make it better. I urge any person who cares about children and the health of our communities to read Thrivers and apply the wisdom and common sense advice you will find in its pages to every aspect of your life.

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, Masterminds & Wingmen and Owning Up

Thrivers brilliantly weaves together research and stories that grab your heart as they teach you how to be the parent you hope to bea stunning master class in parenting, from pre-K through adulthood.

Catherine Steiner-Adair, Ed.D., author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age

Thrivers can be summed up in one word, POWERFUL. In a world that is in crisis, with a generation that is emotionally crumbling, Borba gives us hope as well as the tools to help give our children and teens the moral courage they need to flourish in an unpredictable life. We must turn our strivers into thrivers! A mandatory read for every person who cares about raising kind, compassionate, and successful children.

Sue Scheff, author of Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate

Michele Borba is the coach, mentor, and motivator that todays parents crave. This brilliant guidefull of heart and backed by researchredefines success and shows us how to raise happier, healthier kids who will become champions of the things that last and matter.

Kari Kampakis, author of Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter

Thrivers offers both science-based information and respectful, practical, and effective tools. Full of activities and ideas to cultivate the skills and mindset kids need to thrive, Borba encourages parents to use everyday moments to respond in ways that build relational and neural connections to promote optimal development, independence, and success. More than ever, our children need us to parent in ways that promote growth and resilience in the face of adversity, and Thrivers can serve as an essential guide.

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, The Yes Brain, and The Power of Showing Up, and author of The Bottom Line for Baby

Theres a huge gap between what we, as parents, say we want for our children (to be good people) and what our kids say we want for them (achievement). This book is the absolutely perfect book to help us close that gap, to help our children thrive and be all they can be!

Ellen Galinsky, author of Mind in the Making: The Seven Life Essential Skills Every Child Needs

G. P. Putnams Sons

Publishers Since 1838

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

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Copyright 2021 by Michele Borba

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

ISBN 9780593085271

eBook ISBN 9780593085288

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

Cover design and art: Sandra Chiu

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Note to the reader:

All quotes in this book are from actual phone or face-to-face interviews with teens, parents, and educators. Stories are based on cases of children, teens, and their families and educators whom I have known and worked with over the past several years. A few stories are composite cases of children I have treated or interviewed. All names and some identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. All examples from schools and counseling centers are gathered from my actual observations. The exceptions are children and teens interviewed for newspapers or written about in books as examples of children displaying the seven Character Strengths of Thrivers. The three-part organizational format in Thrivers of Heart, Mind, and Will is based on the ancient work of the Greek philosophers and Aristotle, who wrote, Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all. I agree wholeheartedly.

With love to Charlie, who adores baseball, basketball hoops, football, balloons, and Daniel Tiger.

And to our new Hazel: We cant wait to discover who you are and what you love! May you both thrive!

Character is destiny.

Heraclitus, 535475 BC, Athens, Greece

Introduction

Running on Empty: Were Raising a Generation of Strivers, Not Thrivers

Its like were being produced to be test takers. Were missing the pieces on how to be people.

Aaron, twelve, Los Angeles

O ur kids are in trouble.

That simple, terrifying fact was brought home to me when I reached sixteen-year-old Eva via phone at seven oclock on a Sunday evening. She sounded stressed, and I asked if there was a better time to chat.

No, my schedule is always jammed, she said, and Id love to talk about what its like to be a teen these days.