Scritchfield - Body Kindness

Body Kindness

Transform your health from the inside out and never say diet again.

Rebecca Scritchfield, RDN

WORKMAN PUBLISHING NEW YORK

For Audrey and Isla
May you always see the beauty in being good to yourself.

Introduction

The Philosophy of Body Kindness

W hat would you do if you treated your body with kindness?

This is a question I ask my clients, colleagues, friends, family, and anyone else willing to ponder it. Ive learned two interesting things from the responses: Everyone has a gut instinct for how to be kind to their body. (Nobody says that doing punishing workouts to alleviate cheesecake guilt is a good example of proper self-care.) And quite universally, their responses reflect a deep-seated desire to be happy and healthy, notwithstanding any previous admission that the primary reason they eat their vegetables and go to the gym is to look good.

Most people mistakenly focus on their appearance as evidence of good health (or lack thereof), but looks have very little to do with it. You can be healthy and have cellulite, thick thighs, junk in the trunk, or virtually any body shape. Health is not just measured physically. Emotional health is an equal part of the equation. What people really mean when they say they want health and happiness is they want to be well. The secret to being well is treating yourself well and establishing healthful habits you can feel good about.

Creating positive health habits should not drive a person crazy. Yet I am reminded how nutty the health and fitness world can be every time a confused client emails me an article with a title like Are Eggs Really as Bad for You as Smoking? Or when a friend tells me they started a new cleanse, are going gluten-free for Lent, or are playing around with Paleo and they want my advice on how to avoid banished foods without looking too ridiculous. In reality, all this rule-following effort is exhausting and unworkable! My friends dont need stealth food-avoidance tactics, what they really need is a Xanax, or better yet, a yoga class or a few deep breaths.

Heres the beautiful truth: You do not have to go to extremes to be healthy. In fact, extremes can leave you decidedly unhealthy and unhappy. You dont have to deprive yourself by following diets or eat clean lifestyle plans (which are just diets in disguise). You dont have to make big, sweeping changes in your life to someday enjoy better health and happiness. You can have those things right now. All you need to do is practice body kindness.

Body kindness is not a set of rules; its a self-care mindset grounded in the simple belief that health begins by being good to yourself. Through body kindness, you will develop an internal compass for decision-making based on whats actually helpful (as opposed to good or bad), what you care about most, and the kind of life you want for yourself. The universal body kindness question asks, Is this helping to create a better life for myself? The three body kindness pillars can help you navigate this question and serve as guideposts on your journey to better health and happiness:

Love. Health grows from love. At the root of body kindness is a willingness to love yourself. Even if you wish you looked different, even if youre having an I hate my arms, stomach, boobs, thighs, butt, nose, [insert body part here] day, you can still express self-love in meaningful ways, with every choice you make.

Connect. In order for love to thrive, you need to experience an alliance of trust based on connection. You form a bond with yourself, like you would a friend, by being open to observing what your body needs and allowing it to guide your choices.

Care. In order to build trust, you show your body that you care by making body-kind choices. You express love and connection through caring. Its like telling your body: Were in this together. Im your friend, not your enemy.

T heres often an uncomfortable moment of self-discovery when a client realizes they really arent treating their body with kindness. Their facial expression reads like they just saw their kid getting teased at the playground. I can hear their sadness, disgust, and anger as some version of this sh*t aint right passes their lips. For example, I have one client who is obsessed with food rules and believes that she cant possibly enjoy real cookies made with butter and sugar. She needs to make her baked goods healthy to make them legal for her to consume. Deep down she knows these dry, flavorless desserts are hardly pleasure-worthy.

Or consider the client whose first instinct coming off a red-eye flight was to head straight to the gym. It didnt matter that she was in a sleep-deprived brain fog, or that work had given her the day off to recuperate. She was bound and determined to burn calories after those big dinners out, and then she was going to catch up on work email before she got back to the office, even if it killed her.

Another client swore she would never be truly happy until she got back to an acceptable weight, despite having a loving husband, healthy children, and good friends who loved her just as she was. Even though she was already taking steps to eat well and exercise consistently, it just wasnt good enough. In fact, shed often skip taking care of herself if it didnt meet her definition of perfect. In our first session, she jokingly said she didnt feel sexy enough for sex because her thighs and stomach taunted her during intimate moments. She laughed when she said it, but we both knew she was concealing some pain underneath the humor.

All these women, and many others Ive worked with through the years, are plagued by one of the deepest cultural myths of our time: Ill be happier and healthier when I like what I see in the mirror. For the vast majority of people, this means dieting to lose weight, but it also could mean clinging to a fear of weight gain or feeling the need to alter a body area, like losing a muffin top, shrinking the thighs, or getting a pre-baby body back.

Before I shatter this joyless myth completely, lets take a quick look at what you will gain through the practice of body kindness.

Freedom. You are free to make your own choices instead of following meaningless rules. You can stop overthinking and use your energy for interests other than preconceived notions of health and appearance.

Peace. End the war with your body through acceptance and take committed actions to start living more authentically.

Confidence. The more you practice body kindness, the more you know youre doing the right thing for you. As the author of your health and happiness, youre empowered to set meaningful goals, even if they dont follow the trends.

Why Body Kindness Works

B ody kindness offers a structure for cultivating habits that improve your health without the goal of weight loss. Instead of measuring success in pounds and inches, body kindness is an inside-out transformation. At the heart of body kindness is the art of living consciously. I define this as being present in your life, paying attention to whats happening in the moment (mindfulness), and making decisions that matter to you. A true mind-body connection and the equation for behavior change is: HEAD + HEART = HABIT . Your new habits are the result of treating yourself in a way that honors your body rather than punishing it.