Jesse Jayne Rutherford - The Everything Parents Guide to the Defiant Child: Reassuring advice to help your child manage explosive emotions and gain self-control

THE
EVERYTHING
PARENT'S GUIDE TO

THE DEFIANT CHILD

Dear Reader,

Weve written this book to help parents like you understand and manage defiant behavior, whether its due to nature or nurture or some combination of both causes. In fact, parents may not realize that some defiant children have a real diagnosable condition called Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or ODD.

Along the way, youll encounter the mantra for Dr. Kathys practice: I love you too much to let you do.... Its a key way to protect kids from dangerous situations and behaviors while letting them know you love them and are acting in their best interests. Dr. Kathleen Nickerson is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Newport Beach, California, and has created innovative ways of helping people with emotional issues online via FeelBetterNetwork.com.

We hope that this book gives you everything you need to cope and to help your child in a loving, informed way.

WELCOME TO THE
EVERYTHING
PARENT'S GUIDE TO

Everything Parents Guides are a part of the bestselling Everything series and cover common parenting issues like childhood illnesses and tantrums, as well as medical conditions like asthma and juvenile diabetes. These family-friendly books are designed to be a one-stop guide for parents. If you want authoritative information on specific topics not fully covered in other books, Everything Parents Guides are your perfect solution.

Alerts

Urgent warnings

Facts

Important snippets of information

Essentials

Quick handy tips

Questions

Answers to common questions

When youre done reading, you can finally say you know EVERYTHING !

PUBLISHER Karen Cooper

DIRECTOR OF ACQUISITIONS AND INNOVATION Paula Munier

MANAGING EDITOR, EVERYTHING SERIES Lisa Laing

COPY CHIEF Casey Ebert

ACQUISITIONS EDITOR Brett Palana-Shanahan

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Ashley Vierra, Denise Wallace

Visit the entire Everything series at www.everything.com

THE
EVERYTHING
PARENT'S GUIDE TO

THE
DEFIANT
CHILD

Reassuring advice to help your
child manage explosive
emotions and gain self-control

Jesse Jayne Rutherford and
Kathleen Nickerson, PhD

Copyright 2010 by F+W Media, Inc.
All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced
in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions
are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

An EverythingSeries Book.
Everything and everything.com are registered trademarks of F+W Media, Inc.

Published by Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322 U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-60550-369-X
ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-369-1
eISBN: 978-1-44050-160-9

Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

All the examples and dialogues used in this book are fictional, and
have been created by the author to illustrate disciplinary situations.

For the wonderful Miss S. J.J.R.
For Daryl, who has been the kind of child every parent wishes they could have, the kind of parent everyone aspires to be, and the kind of husband who inspires me each and every day. K.N.

Acknowledgments

We are indebted to the following individuals and organizations for their support in our lives and for guiding our understanding of this subject before or during the writing of this book: Dr. Jill Murray; Jose Pepe Montenegro of Gang Outreach Educational Strategies and Tactics (GOEST); Lt. Gil Owens of the South Carolina Highway Patrol and Tracey Bobowski; Diana Dessery Hensley; Steven Cox of TakeLessons.com; Chris Dwight, Nova Reed, and our entire amazing team at FeelBetterNetwork.com; Bob Diforio of D4EO Literary Agency; Brett Palana-Shanahan of Adams Media; Hogan Hilling; and Kenneth Markman, CEO, Global Brand Strategies for their support. In addition, we would like to thank our spouses and families for their love, support, and practical helpwe love you and would not be able to do our work without you!

defiant (de,d -fi'- nt) adj.

The behavior or attitude of opposition or obstinacy; unwilling to yield.

Contents

Introduction

T oday, parents often struggle on their own to cope with the myriad issues that were usually absorbed, managed, and healed by a larger family unit in the past. Kids left to fend for themselves, or who bounce from one adults care to another, or whose extended families are scattered around the country, are more likely to encounter tough emotional issues, and have fewer adults ready to help them cope.

Defiant behavior is one of these issues, so if your child is aggressively or passively defying your attempts to help him develop into a healthy, caring adult with skills for academic, professional, and interpersonal success, chances are youre feeling burned out, frustrated, and alone, even if you have an actively involved partner. Thats the hard part about living in the twenty-first century. But theres a silver liningkeep reading.

There is more to being an effective parent and solving this problem than trying harder, giving more, staying up later, and stretching your resources further. You need to understand what could be factoring into your childs behavior, learn proven tips and strategies, and then rethink your approach so that you can work smarter, not harder, within your limits and constraints. In the twenty-first century, there is a wealth of information to help you do this.