Tom Sturges - Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children: 75 Creative Ideas for Raising Amazing Children

Contents

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED

To my two amazing sons, Thomas and Sam. There has been no greater joy or honor in this life than being your father. You will only understand the depth of this emotion when you get to know your own children, but take my word for it, it is unbelievable how much you can love somebody.

To my first great love and closest ally for almost all of my existence, my dearest mother, Sandy Sturges. Not a day goes by when I do not think of you still.

To Antonina Armato. One of the richest relationships I will ever know is the one I share with youas writer, fiance, wife, mother of my two sons, partner in their raising, caretaker of my mama on her deathbed, and now ex-wife and friend for life.

Foreword

ELI LIEBER, PH.D.

I was flattered to be invited to read Tom Sturgess manuscript. Tom and I have known each other for a number of years as parents raising our children in the same community. Our boys attend school together. Both of our families are regularly present and busy in the community. You cant help but get to know the families who are, becauselike them or notyou keep seeing them contribute their time, energy, skills, and other assets to schools, sports programs, and events in your community.

Focused on the well-being of children, Ive spent many years as a professional social science researcher of parenting styles and practices and how they affect the environments in which children develop. Involved in this work from psychological, anthropological, and cultural perspectives, I have learned that there are many ways to be a successful parent. Communication is where I start, and thats one reason why chapter 2 in Parking Lot Rules resonates with me to my core. Here Tom tosses out clever ideas about engaging and being engaged with your child, and shows that you can have a great time getting to know your children and helping them get to know themselves.

Through the realities of my work I have learned that there are many different degrees and forms of parenting challenges, and many ways to struggle with them. I typically focus on families dealing with a particular type of challenge, and I search, amid their struggles, for signs of success so we can learn as much as possible about whats going right. Illustrative cases of success can be shared with those facing similar challenges, to help them try to solve their problems. Its true that what works for some cannot be expected to work for everyone, but watching and learning from successful models is a great way to witness creative problem solving in real-life action.

We all want to guide our children, but as we know, this requires self-control. Tougher still is the fact that when we get busy, hungry, tired, or distracted, our patience and thoughtfulness can go out the windowas does our poise when disciplining our children. The one passage I drew big circles around in Parking Lot Rules was this chapter 5 quote: The power of forgiveness can make everything right again. Brain surgery? I dont think so, but this just got me, and its a great example of how Tom reminds us of the fundamentals. No matter the extent of our dedication, love, or experience, there are times when we can all use a little reminder of what we expect of our children and ourselves.

I write here not just as an academic, but also as a father of four lovely children, as a husband, a friend, and a person who cares about the well-being of the children around me. You could say I am an interested observer of people such as Tom and of their activities in the community that affect children. Like those positive models I look for in my work, Parking Lot Rules provides a great example of success.

With heartfelt warmth and an entertaining, engaging style, Tom shares his personal ponderings, struggles, strategies, and solutions for child rearing. His anecdotes are delightful and clear illustrations of the creativity and patience that successful parenting demands and of how Tom has found ways to succeed. Because of who I am, theres a lot in here that grabs me, including the Caboose Rule, Start the Conversation Over, Coaching Is a Privilege, and Any Game / Any Time; and most of chapter 3, Manners Matterslots of slaps on my wrist coming up!

Tom Sturges is living proof that the dedication of mind, time, and energy can be marvelously rewarded. From what I have seen, there is no bigger commitment in life than dedicated parenting, and there is no more powerful a reward than the deep, unique happiness that comes from the love of ones children. This reward comes just as much from the immediate smiles, trust, and the warm melting of their bodies into ours for comfort as it does from knowing that we have successfully launched our children into adulthood while giving them the certainty that we will be forever watching with loving hearts.

The approach Tom lays out for us in Parking Lot Rules is not an easy one. For many reasons, not all parents can or do show such dedication to the active raising of their children. Yet it is always a blessing to learn something new from another person that improves your spirit, your set of parenting tools, or anything else about your life. In Parking Lot Rules, Tom Sturges shares a tremendous variety of gems. He shares them in such an interesting and articulate way that it is hard to imagine any reader putting this book down without having gained something valuable from it.

Introduction

Sixteen years ago, when my son Thomas was born, Antonina, his mother, and I were suddenly thrust into a role for which we had no training, no experience, no expertise, no real knowledge, and, really, nowhere to go to get it.

We wereparents?

Sure, I had hung out with lots of other peoples children, but it is a whole different game when you are suddenly 100 percent, completely responsible for another human being. As I stared lovingly at the complete stranger in my arms, who was busy squawking his little head off, it occurred to me that I did not know a thing about raising him.

Absolutely nothing.

It is harder to get a drivers license than it is to become a parent. With a license, at least you get a pamphlet to leaf through before the big test. Not so with parenting.

There were more self-help books than help-your-children books. There were more dependable guides about walking through Europe than there were dependable guidelines for taking the right steps as the kind of dad I wanted to be. There were books about getting pregnant, naming your zygote, what to eat during the fifth month, the value of listening to Mozart during the third trimester, all that kind of thing. There were books on throwing childrens parties and inspiring young minds with arts and crafts and hanging mobiles, some good books on coaching baseball and soccer and dealing with an angry teen.

But I did not want just to be a dad: I wanted to be the greatest father that there had ever been. I wanted my children to be talking about me their whole lives, and how great it was to have me for their dad. I wanted to be the John Wooden of parents. It was all about the legacy for me, from the first moment I looked Thomas in the eye.

But how do you teach a child to be kind and honest, insightful and inquisitive, athletic, curious, loving and gracious, thoughtful? How do you give a child a huge heart, an understanding of loyalty, and the courage it takes to be a good sport, a good brother, and a good son? Where do you even find the book that teaches you how to teach him?