Helen Fried - How to Love Your Kids More Than You Hate Your Ex

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How to Love Your Kids More Than You Hate Your Ex
Text copyright 2014 Helen Fried

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN: 978-1-57826-516-9
eBook ISBN: 978-1-57826-517-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

Cover and Interior Design by Carolyn Kasper

v3.1

H ello friends,

If you have this book in your hands, you are most likely a parent and are either divorced or are in the process of a divorce.

Your anxiety at the prospect of raising children in the midst of this major life change can be daunting. Your feelings of loss, anger, and helplessness can be overwhelmingly painful and confusingnot just for you, but for your children as well. Learning how to acknowledge, accept, and embrace change will be pivotal on your road to personal healing and successful co-parenting.

How to Love Your Kids More Than You Hate Your Ex is a short, easy and uplifting read that will help you move forward through this difficult time in your life. Providing positive suggestions, helpful ideas, motivational quotes, and insightful poems, this book aims to help you to stay focused and positive on whats important: your children.

Above all else, remember to LOVE your kids more than you HATE your ex!

S top right there! There will be no why mes allowed here. Its unfortunate, but the happily ever after you envisioned for yourself with your ex is no more. One or both of you has moved on from the marriage; whether it was emotionally, spiritually, or physically, the marriage has run its course. Wasting your energy and time on asking, Why me? will benefit no one.

Im not saying it will be easy. What I am saying is that you need to remember that you have children who are looking to you for strength and guidance. This is not the time to wallow, crumble, or falter; this is the time to find your inner strength and press on.

So, first things first: Stop looking at the wedding video. In fact, push eject and take that DVD out of the machine! Put away all the old photo albums. Stop dreaming about what could have been and start planning on what will be. This is the time to dust off your knees, stand tall, and begin moving forward. Rememberyou are not on this journey alone. You have beautiful children who are going to need you now more than ever. Its time to take stock of everything and keep keeping on!

Keep Busy

Now is the perfect time to accept those dinner invitations offered by friends and family. Its time to go to that art exhibit, or that concert in the park youve been wanting to see. Its time to pick up that book youve been meaning to read, or join that mommy/daddy group you saw advertised in your local paper. The benefit to keeping busy is it helps your mind to stop swirling and twirling in the abyss of answerless questions.

Keep Calm and Keep Busy!

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

D ALE C ARNEGIE

Stay Healthy

Staying healthy at this time will not only benefit you, it will also benefit your child. A healthy body is the first step to a healthy mind. So get up off the couch, sign up for that 6:00 P.M . yoga class or that Saturday afternoon spin class, and then go. If youre not the gym type, a walk or bike ride can be just as rewarding, as well as a great opportunity to spend some quality time with your child. Finding healthy, yummy recipes is as easy as a click on the Internet. This is your time to take back control of your mind, body, and soul.

To keep the body in good health is a duty otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.

B UDDHA

Find Support

Chances are, you are not the only person in your circle of friends or coworkers who has traveled the road of divorce. Within them, you may find a comforting word or an inspiring similarity to your own journey. They may have a great list of dos and donts that you can benefit positively from. They can be great sounding boards at a time when you feel that no one understands.

However, some of us may not feel comfortable expressing ourselves to someone so familiar. This is when finding a good therapist can be helpful. Dont be too proud to seek support. Your happiness, sanity and your childs well-being are non-negotiable.

Its important to actively protect yourself and your children from the potentially damaging after-shocks of divorce. Your goal should be to get your spirit emotionally healthy and your mind mentally strong. Thats what you need right now, and its what your children need from you.

It takes a great man to give sound advice tactfully, but a greater to accept it graciously.

L OGAN P. S MITH

Your Inner Strength

Your children are just as frightened, confused, angry, and disappointed as you are. They have just had their world turned upside down, too. The fear of the unknown can be quite overwhelming for their minds to wrap themselves around. You might not have all the answers right nowno, wait; you definitely wont have all the answers right nowbut this is the time for you to fake it til you make it. When they look for you to be their safe place, you need to look back with confidence in your eyes and harmony in your heart. Find your inner strength and be the parent they need you to be.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

K HALIL G IBRAN

Set Goals

Setting goals should be a constant in both yours and your childrens lives. To begin, start by writing down where you want to see yourself in a week, a month, six months, a year. Setting goals will help you create a positive outline of which direction you choose for your life to go. Although there might be one less number in the equation, it should not hinder the sum of your life.

Setting Goals 101:

Start small. Make your early goals simple and easily attainable. At the outset, its important to give you and your children the confidence to continue progressing at this uncertain time in your lives. Begin with one-week goals; for your children, something as basic as learning to tie their shoes, make their bed every day, read a book a night/week, take out trash, etc.; for you, try things like learn a new recipe, start a work-out regimen, read a book, clean out a closet, etc. Eventually, you and your children will be able to move on to more challenging, long-term goals. Examples include improving math grades or learning a new language