Stephanie Bosco-Ruggiero - Adopting Older Children: A Practical Guide to Adopting and Parenting Children Over Age Four

Copyright 2014 by Stephanie Bosco-Ruggiero, MA,

Gloria Russo Wassell, MS, LMHC, and Victor Groza, PhD

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, including electronic, mechanical or any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission should be addressed to:

New Horizon Press

P. O. Box 669

Far Hills, NJ 07931

Stephanie Bosco-Ruggiero, MA, Gloria Russo Wassell, MS, LMHC, and Victor Groza, PhD

Adopting Older Children:

A Practical Guide to Adopting and Parenting Children Over Age Four

Cover design: Charley Nasta

Interior design: Scribe Inc.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014938451

ISBN-13 (eBook): 978-0-88282-483-3

New Horizon Press

18 17 16 15 14 1 2 3 4 5

DEDICATION

Dedicated to all the children waiting for their forever families.

SBR

Dedicated to my parents, Edmondo and Assunta Russo, for opening their hearts to any child in need beyond their own. Through their example they taught me the value of caring for all children.

GRW

Dedicated to Adoption Partners families who teach us about older child adoptions and to the staff who work with me and our families, Becky Bernstein and Holli Camelio Rizenthaler.

VG

AUTHORS NOTE

T his book is based on the authors research, personal experiences, interviews and real life experiences. In order to protect privacy, names have been changed and identifying characteristics have been altered except for contributing experts.

For purposes of simplifying usage, the pronouns his/her and s/he are sometimes used interchangeably. The information contained herein is not meant to be a substitute for professional evaluation and therapy with mental health professionals.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T he authors would like to express their appreciation to the following individuals for their time and effort in reviewing all or parts of this book:

Diane E. Lang, PhD,

Director of Instructional Support Services, Orange-Ulster BOCES, New York

Beth Brindo, MSSA, LISW,

Case Western Reserve University, Mandel School of Applied Social Sciences

Susan Hansen, PhD,

Consultant, National Center for Social Work Trauma Education and Workforce Development, Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service

Dianne M. Jandrasits, PsyD,

Matilda Theiss Child Development Center, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic of University of Pittsburgh Medical Center

Tonia M. Safford-McClure,

MAEd in School Psychology, PsyD in Educational Psychology, School Psychologist in California

Lenore Strocchia-Rivera, PhD,

Founder, Learning Insights, and Visiting Adjunct Assistant Professor, Teachers College, Columbia University

Judy S. Schwartz, LMSW,

Adoption Specialist

I would like to thank my parents for all the support they have given me throughout my life; I wish every child could be blessed with such loving parents. I also would like to thank my husband, Joe, for supporting me in so many ways during the writing of this book and my son, Michael, for letting Mommy write while he watched his shows. I am thankful to Dr. Virginia Strand for bringing me into the field of child welfare and child trauma research. Finally, thanks to all the incredible adoptive families who took time out of their busy lives to talk to us about their experiences and to New Horizon Press for publishing our book on older child adoption.SBR

Table of Contents

E very child deserves to have at least one constant caregiver who loves him or her fully. Unfortunately, for millions of children, this is the stuff of fairytales. Many children wait and wait for a family but sometimes that family never appears. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, in 2012 in the United States, more than 56,000 children were adopted from foster care, but another 23,000 aged out of the system, never having been adopted. Those who age out of foster care are at a higher risk for low educational attainment, premature or single parenthood, unemployment/underemployment and/or homelessness. Children who grow up and age out of orphanages in low-resource countries face even bleaker futures.

Childrens lives are on the line. This is why we decided to write this book. About a quarter of the 400,000 American children in foster care are legally free to be adopted and UNICEF estimates that there are millions of orphans in the world who need permanent families and homes.

While many families are more than willing to adopt an infant domestically or internationally, many prospective adoptive parents still hesitate to adopt an older child or sibling group, according to Harris Interactive.family with a broad span of knowledge about older child adoption and parenting.

Older child adoption is being considered by an increasing number of families. One reason for this trend is that the number of infants being placed for adoption in high-resource countries has been decreasing, due in part to the fact that single parenthood is no longer stigmatized in many of those countries, so there is more support for single parents. Furthermore, many low-resource countries are trying to manage intercountry adoption and build domestic programs; this has the consequence of limiting the number of infants who can be adopted internationally except in those countries where child trafficking safeguards are not in place. Some countries only allow foreigners to adopt children with special needs, which includes an increasing number of older children. A recent upswing in media attention, both good and bad, about older child adoption also may be inspiring interest.

In the United States, there are some indications that the number of people who consider older child adoption far surpasses the number who actually adopt older children. Factors that prevent people from following through on their interest in adopting an older child include misinformation, fear and a lack of responsiveness from public agencies.

Sensational stories in the media also give people a distorted view of older child adoption. The public hears stories about children being sent back to their countries of origin or rehomed by desperate adoptive parents, or they read stories about violent behavior by older adoptees. But what the public does not grasp is that these stories represent outlier cases. These stories do not characterize the nature of older child adoption in general. Most parents who adopt older children experience neither fairytales nor nightmares. Rather, they experience some of the expected challenges of raising children who have suffered trauma but ultimately they succeed in helping their children heal.