dailyBooks - Never Split the Difference--Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss | Conversation Starters

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Chris Vosss

Never Split the Difference

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Introducing Never Split the Difference

T he book Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It is a practical guide written by Chris Voss. Voss served as a hostage negotiator for two decades. His service in the FBI caused him to face high-stake situations. His tactics were used to save lives and now he shares these to his readers. These tactics can be used in both personal and professional aspects of our lives. Even if most people are not professional negotiators, their lives are filled with negotiations that lead to long-term commitments. These are buying a home, negotiating a salary increase, buying cars, negotiating house rent and even relational arguments. In all these scenarios, a person needs to learn how to discuss effectively and reevaluate emotional intelligence and intuition. In Never Split The Difference, Voss shares the fundamental principles of negotiation that can give the reader an edge whenever he needs to negotiate.

In his book, Voss lays down the new rules of negotiation. Voss defines negotiation as information-gathering and behavior-influencing. This encompasses almost any interaction a person will have with another person. A typical negotiation starts with a person who wants a thing from another person. He believes that the first step to the mastery of negotiation is getting over your personal fears and aversion to it. Negotiation is considered effective when a person sizes the other person he is negotiating with. When he sizes that person, he should begin to influence the others perception of him and use that knowledge to get what he wants. Negotiation is the basis of any collaboration. Negotiation makes conflicts meaningful and productive.

Voss emphasizes the meaning of true listening. He believes that listening is not at all a passive activity. Listening is one of the most active things a person can do. In a negotiation, most people arrive armed with arguments and rebuttals in order to support their position. This preoccupation hinders the person to listen attentively. A negotiators job is to make his counterpart feel safe to share his position and discuss negotiation. Only then will the two parties be able to identify each others needs. All successful negotiations begin with a listening ear that make it about the other person and validate their emotions. Kidnappers, terrorists and robbers are pumped with adrenaline and overwhelmed with emotions. When a negotiator validate their emotions, they feel that he can be trusted. A little trust and safety is the basis to begin a real conversation. In negotiations, a person is tempted to go too fast and that communicates to the other person that he is not important enough to be heard. The speed of the negotiation undermines rapport and trust. A negotiator has to develop the skill of slowing down. Slowing down equals calming down.

Voss shares that in traditional negotiation, it is advised that the negotiator should separate the person from the problem. However, he find this difficult to accomplish especially when their emotions caused the problem. Voss says that instead of separating the person from the emotions, what better way to do is label the emotions. Good negotiators do not feel the pain of the other person, rather they label the pain and talk about the person without getting agitated themselves. A good ability that a negotiator should have is empathy. The ability to empathize with another person empowers them to recognize the perspective of the other. A negotiator should vocalize his empathy to recognize the other persons feelings. Voss emphasizes that sympathy is different from empathy. In his line of job, he brings empathy a step further and uses tactical empathy. He not just listens to the feelings, he reads whats going on behind those feelings and he increases his influence as the moments build up. He moves closely to observe the persons facial expressions, his actions, his tone, then he aligns himself to this. He calls this process neural resonance. Labeling enable him to translate someones feelings into words. He calmly and respecfully echo what the person has said and validate his emotions. When the emotions are labeled, the persons thinking becomes rational and less fearful. Voss says that the faster a negotiator labels the fears, the faster he stops fear from overwhelming the person. Labels uncover the primary emotion that drives the persons behavior.

Christopher Morrison of Topher Communications encourages sales professionals to read Vosss book. He says that this book can potentially be their favorite book of [their] professional career. Soundview Magazine describes Never Split a Difference as compelling. Eric Barker of The Observer describes Vosss book excellent.