Jawanza Kunjufu - Raising Black Girls

Front cover illustration by Damon Stanford

Copyright 2015 by Jawanza Kunjufu

All rights reserved.

First Edition, First Printing

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN #: 1-934155-74-8

ISBN #: 978-1934-155-745

I have written more than 37 books, and one-third of them have been geared toward the growth and development of African American males. As a father of two sons and a grandfather of a grandson, I have had a personal interest in this important subject.

Over my 40-year career Ive been asked hundreds of times why I havent written a book about African American females. I have asked my staff at African American Images to write about Black females and they have written several books; but I was led to write my first book on the subject, Educating Black Girls, in the summer of 2014. And it became a national best seller. The book was written for educators, psychologists, social workers, and all those concerned about the academic development of African American females.

While researching Educating Black Girls, I realized that there was too much information for just one book. Thus, I decided to write a second book for parents, grandparents, caregivers, foster parents, and all those who are involved in parenting African American females. In 2007, I wrote Raising Black Boys, so perhaps it was destiny that I would eventually write Raising Black Girls, the book you are now reading. While it is written primarily for adults, I encourage you to share information that you think would be appropriate with your daughter, granddaughter, or niece.

I was moved to write Educating Black Girls and Raising Black Girls because all is not well with African American females. While the media has emphasized the acute problems facing African American males, those facing Black females have gone virtually unnoticed. Too many of our girls are having problems with reading and math, retention, special education placement, suspension, expulsion, dropping out, teen pregnancy, STDs, fighting, gang involvement, obesity, relationships, and incarceration. For these reasons and many more, I felt a need to research and explore and try my best to fully understand the lives of African American females. This book reflects my concern and compassion for their development, empowerment, and overall well-being.

To understand Black girls, we must first examine not only who is raising them, but how they are being raised. There are four types of parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful.

Authoritative parenting is demanding, responsive, and child-centered. Authoritative parents have high expectations of maturity and excellence. They can empathize with their childrens feelings, but they do not allow tantrums and unacceptable behavior. They teach their children how to regulate feelings and find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Authoritative parents encourage children to be independent, but still place controls and limits on their actions. They set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. Children are expected to be mature, independent, and act in age-appropriate ways. Punishments for misbehavior are measured and consistent, not arbitrary or violent. When punishing a child, these parents explain their motives for the punishment.

Authoritarian parenting, also called strict parenting, is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions while allowing little open dialogue between parent and child. Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, punitive parenting style in which obedience to rules is the primary goal. Corporate punishment, yelling, scolding, and even cursing are common.

Permissive parents are not very demanding, but they are nurturing and accepting and responsive to the childs needs and wishes. Permissive parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately, often resulting in spoiled brat behaviors. Children of permissive parents tend to be more impulsive, and as adolescents, there may be misconduct and drug use. Children never learn to control their own behavior, and they always expect to get their way.

Neglectful parents are uninvolved, detached, dismissive, hands off, disengaged, undemanding, unresponsive, low in warmth, and they do not set limits. Their attention always seems to be elsewhere. Neglectful parents often dismiss their childrens emotions and opinions. Parents are emotionally unsupportive of their children and only provide for their basic needs.

Now honestly ask yourself, Which parenting style best represents how Ive been raising my daughter?

Some parents have one style with one child and another style with another child. They had one style in their 20s, another in their 30s, and yet another in their 40s. They had one style when they were employed and another when unemployed. They had one style when they were happily married, another when a divorced single parent, and then another when they remarried or when a grandparent pitched in.

Now explain to your daughter the four parenting styles, then ask her, Which type of parent do you think I am?

I also would like for you to give a copy of this book to every permissive, neglectful and authoritarian parent you know.

This is my most enjoyable chapter. For the past 12 to 18 months, Ive been traveling around the country just listening to Black girls. I truly enjoy talking to them, listening to them, appreciating them, respecting them, and being mesmerized by them. There is so much joy and beauty in Black females.

In this chapter, Id like to share their thoughts in their own words.

• My mother is my best friend.
• My mama is a trip.
• My dad is so cool.
• I want to be a doctor, married, with two children.
• I want to grow up to be somebody.
• I like First Lady Michelle Obama. Shes pretty and smart.
• I want to be accepted, but I dont want to compromise.
• I want to travel and get out of this neighborhood.
• I like him because hes real, and he respects me.
• Shes my home girl because she has my back.
• I like wearing my mamas clothes and jewelry.
• Im glad my parents stayed together.
• Dont get mad because Im lighter than you.
• Boys will try to destroy your reputation.
• If you are light skinned with good hair and a pointed nose, be ready to fight.
• I became a fighter to stop boys from touching me.
• I am not a b**, beotch, or beeyatch.
• I want adult privileges. Im grown. Im 14 years old.
• We come from two different generations with different issues.
• We dont know how to love ourselves because nobodys loving us.
• My mother told me my hair was too kinky to wear to church.
• Its hard finding jeans that give me booty room.
• I should be able to wear what I want.
• Do Black guys ever like dark girls?
• You cant trust Black girls talking to your man.
• Im running for my life when it starts raining.
• I refuse to let my hair go back.
• Are guys deaf or stupid?
• I said, No!
• Guys will say anything to get some booty.
• I dont like my mamas boyfriend spending the night and eating up all our food.
• I miss my daddy.
• I laugh when I hear a White girl call her mom a b**, knowing I better not try that with my mama.