dailyBooks - Attached--The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind by Amir Levine | Conversation Starters

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Attached

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EVERY GOOD BOOK CONTAINS A WORLD FAR DEEPER THAN the surface of its pages. The characters and their world come alive through the words on the pages, yet the characters and its world still live on. Questions herein are designed to bring us beneath the surface of the page and invite us into the world that lives on. These questions can be used to:

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Introducing Attached

A ttachment theory originated in the 1950s when British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby examined the impact of the early relationships babies have with their parents and caregivers. These key relationships impact the people they grow up to be. Central to the attachment theory is the innate human need to be in close relationships with a number of individuals. This need is deeply embedded in our genes. In the groundbreaking book Attached, neuroscientist and psychiatrist Amir Levine teams up with psychologist Rachel S.F. Heller to explain the attachment theory and how it can help us in adult romantic relationships. This groundbreaking look on the science of love will help the readers find love and sustain it for the long haul.

Levine and Heller trace the origins and evolutionary influences that continue to shape the modern adult relationships today. Attachment is a prerequisite to a healthier and happier life. Attachment is a strong relationship bond that is developed over a period of time. It makes us feel the need to connect and stay in touch with another person. Attachment is seen in the closeness a mother has with her child. It can also be seen in adult romantic relationships. According to Levine, every human being has a genetic disposition to desire attachment with someone. This carries with it many benefits including a stronger emotional ground and resilience to stress.

According to the attachment theory, there are three ways that a person behaves in relationships. The first one is Anxious. The anxious people are constantly worrying about the ability of their partner to reciprocate the love that they give. The anxious people are very much preoccupied with their romantic relationships. The second distinct way of behavior is Avoidant. The avoidant people associate intimacy to the loss of personal freedom and independence. The avoidant people are constantly trying to minimize close relationships with the people around them. The third and last distinct way of behaving is Secure. The secure people are most comfortable in relationships. They are not afraid of intimacy and they extend warmth and love to their relationships. This is the ideal balance between the first two ways of behavior. Levine describes a secure person as someone who feels comfortable with sharing his or her personal feelings and is not afraid to be intimate with someone. He is not in a constant struggle to judge his partners ability to reciprocate his feelings. He has the ability to read between the lines and enjoy the companionship that is brought by close relationships. The best predictor of happy relationships is a secure partner. A relationship with two secure partners make a solid foundation that help them navigate through problems.

According to Levine and Heller, the best way to guarantee a happy and healthy relationship is effective communication. Not every one is in the secure attachment type and it doesnt mean that youre not in the category, that youre hopeless. While Levine advises the anxious person to not date an avoidant person, a relationship can work if there is at least one partner in the relationship who is secure. Again, the key is effective communication. Communicating the right things at the right time make any relationship easier, happier and healthier. Effective communication starts with the direct expression of ones feelings, concerns and needs. This expression should be free from dramatizing or blaming the other person. With effective communication, the person who communicated would feel much better while his partner would be relieved to know whats going on and would not need to guess whats wrong anymore.

Levine and Heller say that though relationships could be tricky at times, there is a surefire way to know whether the person youre seeing is the one right for you. Levine advises to sit down together and put all your expectations on the table. When the expectations of each partner are communicated, figure out if those expectations can be fulfilled or not. This exercise is an effective way to express the problem without drama or pointing fingers. Levine helps the readers rephrase to communicate the problem honestly but effectively. Instead of saying, Youre always overdressed! Say, Whenever you dress that way, I feel insecure. How can we fix this? The tone and use of words in effective communication spell a big difference in the health and happiness of the relationship.

Co-author of the bestselling book Reinventing Your Life Jane Klosko enjoyed the book Attached and says that the readers would understand whom they are attracted to as partners, why, and what they can do to reach fulfillment in love. Elle Magazine says that anyone could benefit from a crash course in attachment theory. Publishers Weekly likes the books tips, exercises, questionnaires, and case studies and says that Attached is a solidly researched and intriguing approach.