Advance Praise for
The Attachment Effect
Every reader will find this book about attachment enlighteningand above all, moving. The author takes a personal approach and shows how learning about the new science of attachment helps him understand himself and his lifein fact, the lives of all of us. An easy, absorbing read!
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships and Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Ive always thought that attachment principles play a crucial role not just in child-rearing and romantic relationships, but in other aspects of our lives. Then along comes this book, which illustrates how attachment affects pretty much everything! Written beautifully and, most important, accessibly, The Attachment Effect does a magnificent job of revealing how attachment manifests at the workplace, in friendships, in religion, and even in politics!
Amir Levine, MD, bestselling coauthor of Attached
This remarkable book can be read in several ways. Each makes us more informed and better off: as an overview of a major body of research and social psychological theory, as a source for improved understanding of ourselves, and to better attach to others.
Amitai Etzioni, author of The New Golden Rule: Community and Morality in a Democratic Society and professor at George Washington University
This richly informative, deeply researched, touchingly personal, and always readable book about the meaning and uses of attachment theory explores the hows and whys of our complicated connections with each other. It offers valuable insights into what makes a relationship fail or succeed, and how a better understanding of our attachment style might help to rescue a floundering relationship.
Judith Viorst, author of Necessary Losses
Cogent, informative, well written... Artfully lays out how styles of attachment shape behavior in many different settings and people (including the author himself).
Joan Jacobs Brumberg, professor emerita of womens studies and human development at Cornell University, and author of Fasting Girls and The Body Project
With remarkable frankness and rare insight into his own experiences and those of many others he interviewed, Peter Lovenheim shows in The Attachment Effect how we can improve all our relationshipsfrom work to romance, parenting to politics, youth to agingeven if events beyond our control during infancy started us off on the wrong track. An incisive work that can guide everyone to a better relationship with every individual who matters in their lives.
Nicholas Gage, author of Eleni and A Place for Us
Accurate, engaging, and beautifully written... It is rare for a book to be this much fun while also being so instructive and thought-provoking. I loved reading it!
Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, distinguished professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, and coauthor of Attachment in Adulthood and coeditor of Handbook of Attachment
Also by Peter Lovenheim
In the Neighborhood: The Search for Community on an American Street, One Sleepover at a Time
Portrait of a Burger as a Young Calf: The Story of One Man, Two Cows, and the Feeding of a Nation
Reading Between the Lines: New Stories from the Bible (with Rabbi David A. Katz)
Becoming a Mediator (with Emily Doskow)
How to Mediate Your Dispute
Mediate, Dont Litigate: Strategies for Successful Mediation
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
Copyright 2018 by Peter Lovenheim
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
TarcherPerigee with tp colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
Most TarcherPerigee books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchase for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, and educational needs. Special books or book excerpts also can be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: .
L IBRARY OF C ONGRESS C ATALOGING - IN -P UBLICATION D ATA
Names: Lovenheim, Peter, author.
Title: The attachment effect : exploring the powerful ways our earliest bond
shapes our relationships and lives / Peter Lovenheim.
Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2018. | Includes bibliographical
references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017051906 (print) | LCCN 2017055157 (ebook) |
ISBN 9780525504405 (ebook) | ISBN 9780143132424 (paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Attachment behavior. | Interpersonal relations. |
Self-esteem. | BISAC: PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations. | SELF-HELP /
Personal Growth / Self-Esteem. | PSYCHOLOGY / Personality.
Classification: LCC BF575.A86 (ebook) | LCC BF575.A86 L684 2018 (print) |
DDC 155.9/2dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017051906
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
Version_1
In Loving Memory
Andrew S. Lovenheim
June K. Lovenheim
Jane L. Glazer
ZL
Contents
When Peter Lovenheim first approached me about sitting in on my relationships class at the University of Rochester, I said sure. Im always open to having visitors, especially those who, with the benefit of age and experience, might add a bit of perspective for my college-age students. Peter seemed interested, and I expected that hed attend two or three times and then, like others before him, gracefully move on. But Peters appetite was not sated by this small sampling of what has by now become a large and lively area of research. Instead, he pursued the class wholeheartedly, attending almost every lecture and then asking follow-up questions as we sat and chatted at the Twelve Corners Starbucks. Peters questions were uncomplicated at first, yet even from the beginning they probed deeply into the subject matter of my class, pairing an intrinsic curiosity about relationships with his analytical journalistic training. Its not surprising that a woman at the neighboring table wanted in on our conversation.