Isolina Ricci - Moms House, Dads House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two

A LSO BY I SOLINA R ICCI

Moms House, Dads House

FIRESIDE
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www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2006 by Isolina Ricci, PhD

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

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Designed by Jan Pisciotta

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN-10: 0-7432-7712-0
ISBN-13: 978-0-743-27712-9
eISBN: 978-1-416-59572-4

This book is dedicated to you, the reader.

Meet Dr. Isa

Hi, Im Isolina Ricci. Kids call me either Dr. Isa ( EE sah) or just Isa. For many years, I have been a counselor, teacher, and mediator for lots of families where the parents were separated, divorced, or remarried. I also taught other counselors, teachers, lawyers, and judges about what families need. Many parents and grandparents know who I am because I wrote the book for adults called Moms House, Dads House.

Kids and their parents have taught me a lot about what is important to them. My own kids (I have five of them) also went through my divorce. Now my kids are all grown up and doing well with families of their own. Im a very happy grandmother (six of my grandchildren are between the ages of ten and fourteen). For fun, I love watching my grandkids play soccer or baseball, dance, do karate, or ride horses. I always enjoy hearing about their projects, playing games with them (they usually win), cooking or drawing together, telling stories, and watching major league baseball together.

A Message for Parents

Moms House, Dads House for Kids is an inside view of separation, divorce, and forming a stepfamily. It is primarily for children ten and older to read alone or with their parents. It is meant to be an encouraging and realistic friend that empowers children with practical ways to gain understanding, some perspective, and self-knowledge. Its an operating manual with a message: Believe in yourself, take pride in your family, and use times of change to get stronger and learn important life skills. Many children will be relieved to read this book because it can affirm and express their experiences. If you also read this book, your child can take comfort in knowing that you have the same frame of referenceespecially with delicate subjects like anger, panic, and feeling disloyal or in the middle.

As a parent, you know the challenges you face as you divorce or remarry. These family changes can bewilder and upset children even when you assure them that things will turn out well down the road. But, take heart; children can and do travel successfully through major life transitions, especially when they know parents love them and are doing their best to steer the course. You have this book because you sincerely want to do the right thing for your child. You may have already covered many of the topics in this book with your child (or are well on your way). If so, this book can help your child remember your advice, validate your perspective, and continue being open with you. If you and your children are just beginning the process of transition, then this book can be useful in offering ideas, concepts, and guides for your consideration. If you have younger children between the ages of eight and ten, they can also benefit from this book if you select passages and read them together. If your child is younger than eight, you can read the book yourself for ways to help your child express feelings. Children between six and eight may seem self-sufficient, but they can be much more vulnerable to fears and misunderstandings. Select topics cautiously, rephrase them in your own words, and encourage questions.

The three goals for this book are to

1. Offer the reader maps through divorce and stepfamily territories with defined regions, things to know and do, a sense of whats ahead, and the final destination.
2. Establish a sense of order and structure around major transitions with enough information to empower but not overwhelm.
3. Reinforce your role as a parent by encouraging your child to strengthen certain life skills and attitudes that foster resiliency. These skills can help children bounce back from tough times and also believe in themselves and in their future.

Your child will probably enjoy this book best when read a few pages at a time. Encourage him or her to take it slowly. If your child is shy about expressing a feeling or a desire, you might suggest that he or she point to a page or leave a marker on pages for you to read. Please do not pressure your child to read certain passages. Children have their own internal wisdom that tells them when they are ready to deal with their feelings and when to share them with others, including their parents. Some children will not verbalize their feelings, but are more comfortable expressing themselves by drawing, writing in a private journal, engaging in fantasy play or games, or through physical activity. You know whats normal for your child. If you feel uneasy about his or her behavior, do discuss your concerns with a trained counselor or your pediatrician.

Finally, and this might be the last thing you want to hear right now, healing and adjustment always seem to take more time than we expect. During big transitions, children require more, not less, attention from parents. But, this often comes at a time when parents are preoccupied with heavy responsibilities and major life transitions. So, treasure those little ways where you reassure your child that you will always love and take care of themno matter what. You are your childs safe haven.

KidsRead This Page First

This book is about how to stay strong, feel better, and succeed in life when your parents separate, divorce, or get married again. It has tips, exercises, and examples that encourage you to develop skills for bouncing back from puzzling or difficult situations and ways to get smarter and stronger. Learning these skills can help you your whole life.

You cant do anything about your parents big decisionsespecially about separation, divorce, or getting remarried. But, you can do a lot to help yourself. This doesnt mean that everything will always feel great or that you wont get discouraged. But, it does mean that step by step you can feel stronger and more confident. You can find ways that work for you. Even when things take more time than you want, you can still get there. This book shows you how.