Debi Pearl - No Greater Joy: Volume 3: Answers to your child training questions

by

Michael & Debi Pearl

Published by

No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc.

1000 Pearl Road

Pleasantville, TN 37147

United States of America

No Greater Joy, Volume 3

Copyright 2001 by Michael Pearl

ISBN: 978-1-61644-005-3

EBook: July 2010

ISBN: 978-1-61644-006-0

EPub: July 2010

ISBN: 978-1-892112-12-5

Book: 2001

Requests for information should be addressed to:

No Greater Joy Ministries Inc., 1000 Pearl Road, Pleasantville, TN 37033 USA
www.nogreaterjoy.org

All scripture quotations are taken from the King James Holy Bible.

Reprinting or online posting of our books, booklets, magazine articles, transcriptions of cassettes, videos, DVDs, or CDs in their entirety is prohibited. Permission is granted to reprint and/or post online the first chapter of any of our books or booklets, subject to the following conditions:

1. Chapter must be reprinted in its entirety. Editing may be permissible, but must be submitted to Michael and Debi Pearl for their written approval prior to publication.

2. Complete recognition must be given as to the author/source, and must include mailing and/or website address for the reader to subscribe to No Greater Joy Magazine.

3. No copyright privileges are conveyed by reprinting/posting any portion of the No Greater Joy materials.

4. This license to reprint may be revoked for anyone abusing this privilege to reprint.

5. This license is in force until the printing of a public statement otherwise.

Cover art: Mark Keathley

The Cover

The beautiful artwork on the cover is entitled, Open For Business, by Mark Keathley. Limited Edition Prints of this image and other artwork by Mark Keathley may be obtained from www.markkeathley.com

Printed in the United States of America

Our first book on child training, To Train Up a Child, has now been distributed in a quantity approaching 300,000. In answer to the many questions we receive in the mail, Deb and I began the publication of a newsletter, No Greater Joy. It started out as eight pages but soon grew to twenty-four. It is now distributed to over 40,000 homes.

We found that most of the questions we were asked had already been answered in one of our previous newsletter articles. The demand for back newsletters was so great that it became a burden to maintain an inventory. Thus, we compiled our second book on child training, No Greater Joy Volume One.

But the letters continued to come in, and new issues were raised or old ones needed further attention. More newsletter articles were written. So now we give you a further compilation of articles in this: No Greater Joy Volume Two.

It is a provocative experience to read the many letters we receive daily. One letter will tear at our souls as we read of the pain and injury occurring in a family. The next letter will thrill us with wonder at the miracles God has accomplished in a parents heart. Debi and I are always discussing, analyzing, praying, and writing. Much has been written that we are not yet ready to make public. In time, as our hearts are settled and our key boards express our minds, we will address a broader scope of family issues.

We pray that in this volume you will find a little light to direct your steps in the most important job in all of human historytraining up a child in the way he should go.

Parenting, like courtship, must be properly seasoned with joy. Parenting without joy is not only tasteless, it is tiring. Joy is more than the fragrance of the moment; it is the energy required to live life to its fullest. Parenting without joy is like music without rhythm or flowers without color. A joyless parent can no more raise happy kids than a skunk can raise skunklets that smell good.

You say, But the kids destroy my joy! I am sure its mutual. Without aggressive, deliberate child training techniques your kids will be unruly, and your home will be disorderlysometimes explosive. You will be unhappy, short, rude, and a gripe. If someone were to ask your kids if you are joyful, what would they answer?

In many families the problems are not deepbad, yes, but not deep. They dont have deep-seated hostilities or resentments, just chaos. Families without enforced boundaries are like intersections without traffic lights. The me first attitude rules relationships. When rules are not enforced so as to guarantee the rights of everyone, road rage comes home to the family. Like erecting a traffic light, when parents take authority and enforce boundaries, order is established, the tension leaves, and everything runs smoothly. When there is no adequate authority, children are generally too unruly and the home is too disorganized to permit positive interchange between family members. Frustrated parents develop permanent expressions of criticism. The family is marked by lack of joy.

Many parents have applied simple training procedures and gained complete control of their families in just a few days. By restoring order, these parents have eliminated the outward circumstances that provoked everyone to confusion.

It is a blessing to have discipline and peace in the home, but the absence of conflict does not necessarily imply joy. Joy is a positive virtue, not just the absence of conflict.

Some parents are joyless regardless of the circumstances. They may not be angry or unhappy, just joyless. Look at it as a scale, with anger and bitterness on the far left, a stable and sedate personality in the middle, and joyfulness on the far right. Granted, children do far better with deadpan parents who have no joy than they do with angry or bitter parents, but they do best when both parents are known for their joy.

Bitterness is like a plant with a disease. Joyless mediocrity is like a plant without disease, growing in average to poor soil. Joyfulness is a plant rooted in well-balanced soil with the right combination of rain and sunshine. It bears sweet fruit.

The Bible tells us to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The body, mind, and will of a child are trained from without, but the soul of a child is nurtured from within, through example and fellowship. There is no nurturing without joy. As the joy of the Lord is the Christians strength, the joy of the parent is the childs strength.

Children must be joined to their parents by something more than physical lineage. Children choose their role models. They will seek to be like the person to whom they are most attracted. Parents cannot demand respect or admiration. If it is not freely given, it doesnt exist. Joy attracts everyone. Children are not molded by hands of psychology, but by a heart of joy.

Children are rooted in parental attitude more than in proper technique. More is caught than taught. As salt that has lost its savor is good for nothing but to be cast out and trampled under foot, so parenting that has lost its joy results in a family trampled under foot. As parenting without training is chaos, training without joy is tyranny.

Where there is no joy, what is the point? A soldier can endure the mud, blood and pain of war by visualizing past or future joys, but a child without joy is a lost soul. Likewise, one can endure a dull or painful occupation, knowing that there is a sanctuary of joy waiting after hours, but when the sanctuary is joyless, what hope can sustain him? A mature wife may cope with a joyless marriage by consoling herself in the hope of afterlife, but a child cant so resign himself. A husband may deal with a joyless marriage by losing himself in the rewards of occupation or hobby, but a child has no outlet that can compensate for loss of relationships. Relationships are a part of the adult world, but relationships are all the world to a child. An adult without refreshing relationships may still be successful in his career. He can read, engage in hobbies, or just endure loneliness, but a child without relationships is emotionally ill.