Catherine Hickem - Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know Youre Doing It Right

Regret Free Parenting

Regret Free Parenting

Raise Good Kids and Know Youre Doing It Right

by Catherine Hickem, LCSW

Regret Free Parenting
2011 Catherine Hickem

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

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Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). 1973, 1978, 1984, by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Many names within have been changed for the sake of privacy.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hickem, Catherine, 1958
Regret free parenting : raise good kids and know youre doing it right / by Catherine Hickem.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index.
ISBN 978-1-59555-323-2
1. MothersReligious life. 2. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. Mother and childReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4529.18.H53 2011
248.8'431dc22

2010037741

Printed in the United States of America
11 12 13 14 15 RRD 5 4 3 2 1

To my mother,
Mary Ann Taylor.
You are the greatest example of godly
mothering Ive ever known,
and the one who first taught me that
regret-free motherhood is possible.
To my children,
Taylor and Tiffany Hickem.
You have been my passion and my heart,
and you unleashed a godly love in me I
didnt know existed.

Contents

Taylor

When I was growing up, Mom usually had some idea as to what I was up to. Many times I hoped shed take a vacation from being a mom for a while so I could really have fun. But she never did. Even so, at times shed go easy on me when teaching me a lesson. The effect of her parenting came through without her being harsh about it.

Mom also placed a high value on spiritual growthprobably higher than anything else. She made sure church was a place I wanted to go. She demonstrated biblical principles and a moral basis for everyday life.

Moms had many roles in my life, especially as a protector protecting me from myself and others. Shes always been supportive and good at adjusting to her new roles as they changed throughout my life. She was great at adapting to the new needs I had at each age. She knows that I now need a young adults mom. Shes always known her proper place in my life, despite where I was, how old I was, or who I was.

She always listened to me. She knew I was a night person, so shed stay up way into the night, talking about any issue I had until I reached a resolution.

She always jumped into whatever I was doing, whether it was playing basketball or taking an English course. She always found a way to get into my life. But she wouldnt meddle, just be there. She showed me the importance of boundaries and always respected my personal boundaries.

Kids start off as clay; theyre very impressionable. Moms dont get second chances; they have to do it right the first time. Im grateful my mom got it right.

Tiffany

Mom has often said we make her look good. Yet as flattered as we are to receive such a compliment, we see things a little differently. If we had a dollar for every time someone told us they loved our mom, wed be able to buy an island. Well, actually, Taylor would invest the money in a high-yield mutual fund, but I would definitely look into that island!

By the time you finish this book, you will know why so many people love my mom. Here are a few of my reasons:

Shes a parenting genius. Plain and simple, shes one of the wisest people I know. (And Im not just saying this because I take after her!) She really knows exactly what to do in any situation, with any problem, about anything.

She is who she appears to be. The mom who speaks at national conferences is the same as the one who speaks when just the two of us are having dinner or driving in the car. She doesnt change for her audience, because she doesnt need to.

Shes funny. Despite its serious subject, this book is sure to make you laugh at times. Taylor and I provided Mom with many comedic moments throughout our lives. Most of the time, she laughed with us; the rest of the time, she laughed at us. But she was able to find a sense of humor in the midst of difficulty.

She doesnt pretend to have all the answers. But she knows the One who does. When approached with a problem, she first and foremost looks at what is biblical and Christlike. She exemplifies a life where God is both her partner and her authority.

There are many more reasons and ways I love my mom than I could ever possibly put into words. She is my mentor, protector, nurturer, teacher, encourager, and best friend. She has more insight and wisdom to offer than anyone I know. After you read her words, I hope you find the depth of friendship and love with your child that my mom has with me. It is truly the most rewarding relationship I have in my life.

We welcome you to read this book, take a glimpse into our lives, and learn from our moms wisdom. Our hope is that you close this book changed, with a deeper understanding of yourself, your children, and our God.

We hope you appreciate our mom as much as we do.

Sincerely,
Taylor and Tiffany Hickem

D ear moms,

Over the years, Ive read many books on motherhood, parenting, and children. I found many of them to be a blessing and typically took a nugget of wisdom from everything I read.

So the question arises, why write another book on motherhood?

Most of the books I read were designed for the mother and failed to mention that motherhood is also about the mother. You are the core of a childs development; to pay attention to your role only through the eyes of a child shortchanges him or her.

I want this book to be about you!

I want this book to be about your kids too. But youll discover that being an intentional mom and regret-free parent means you spend good time being intentional about yourself, your role as a mom, and your understanding of yourself. The stronger you are as a person and mother, the stronger you will be for your children.

I want you to clearly see how God had you in mind when He created your children. I want you to recognize the power you have in the unfolding lives of your children. I want you to see the importance of living in integrity before your children so you can have the respect, trust, faith, and influence a mother needs to parent her children with no regrets.

Finally, I want you to recognize the power of partnering with Christ in mothering your kids. He intentionally chose to reveal Himself to you through them. While He is wild about your kids, He is just as passionate about you.

You will learn a lot about your children in the following pages, but I believe you will learn even more about yourself. The more you know who God is in your life, the better you will be able to pass His wisdom down to the next generation.