Joelle Casteix - The Well-Armored Child: A Parents Guide to Preventing Sexual Abuse

This book is intended as a reference volume only. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and author are not engaged in rendering any professional services. The information given here is designed to help you make informed decisions. If you suspect that you have a problem that might require professional treatment or advice, you should seek competent help.

Published by River Grove Books

Austin, TX

www.rivergrovebooks.com

Copyright 2015 Joelle Casteix

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the copyright holder.

Distributed by River Grove Books

Design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group

Cover design by Greenleaf Book Group

Publishers Cataloging Publication Data is available.

eBook ISBN:978-1-63299-040-2

eBook Edition

Other Edition(s):

Print ISBN: 978-1-63299-039-6

For Mike

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.

Bren Brown

Before we begin, lets focus on one crucial action you can take right now (or at any time) to help anyone who may be suffering from sexual abuse: Report it. If you encounter any of the following situations, get help immediately:

• Someone tells you they have been raped.
• You have seen or suspect abuse.
• You or someone you know is suicidal.
• You have come across anything that you suspect is child pornography.

In any of these situations, do not second-guess yourself or make the mistake of reporting to your church, school, youth group, or other organization. Institutions like these are not in the sex abuse investigation business. They are not trained in criminal investigations. Moreover, they have shown time and time again that, in most cases, they will protect their reputation over kids.

Instead, go to the police. If you are scared to go alone, take a trusted friend with you.

If you suspect abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 800-4-A-CHILD. The hotlines crisis counselors can walk you through the process of reporting and help you talk through what you have seen or suspect.

If you are suicidal, or if you know someone who is, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255).

Dont wait until its too late.

I didnt have to be a statistic.

As a teenager, I was sexually abused by one of my teachers. By the time the abuse ended, I was pregnant and had contracted a sexually transmitted disease. Other teachers and administrators knew I was being sexually molested, but instead of doing the right thing and calling the police, they remained quiet. My abuser got off easy. His victims were given a life sentence.

My abuse didnt have to happen. It could have been stopped at the first signs of abuseor prevented altogether. My life didnt have to take this course. Had adults recognized the red flags, done the right thing, and reported it to the police, I could have been helped, and other victims could have been spared.

As I moved out of childhood and became an adult, I came to terms with my abuse and how it was covered up. I realized that in order to heal, I needed to make an immediate difference. So I dedicated my career to helping other victims of abuse and raising awareness about the larger issues of abuse prevention. I started out as a volunteer, just telling my story. Soon, I had become a professional.

These days, I have an extraordinary and immensely rewarding job: I expose child sex offenders and the cover-up of child sex abuse. I also educate communities on the larger issues surrounding child sex crimes. I have traveled the world and been on the TV news in every major city in the United States. I host a successful blog, Casteix.com and have worked with thousands of child sex abuse victims in the United States and abroad. I uncover information about abusers and learn their patterns so I can reach out to more victims who are suffering alone in silence.

You would think this kind of jobcatching bad guys, rescuing childrenwould make for rousing cocktail party conversations. But during the past ten years of doing this work, people seldom, if ever, have asked me more about the abuse and cover-up I have helped expose. They dont ask me about the scandals within large religious or institutional organizations. Instead, I get the same passionate question over and over again: What can I do to make sure my child does not become a victim?

The abuse prevention movement has neglected our most important audience: parents. Weve done studies and trained therapists and changed public perception, but weve never created an easy-to-read book for parentsa tool kit for preventing child sexual abuse. Parenting books cover almost every topic under the sun. After my own child was born, I was deluged with tomes that covered everything from feeding to bullying to rashes to choosing a preschool. One book, however, was noticeably absent. It was the book that could have changed the course of my life as a child. And here it is now, in your hands: the book that can help parents take action to prevent their child from becoming another victim.

This information is important, and it is priceless. Parents will do anything to help armor their child against sexual abuse. But guess what: Raising a well-armored, protected child is easy. It does not involve discussions about sex. And it can help empower any child about their bodies for the rest of their lives. Who doesnt want that for their son or daughter?

I am a victim with a powerful and relevant story to tell. I am a parent. I have worked with more than a thousand victims of child sexual abuse and read the depositions of hundreds of predators. I now work closely with advocates, educators, and leaders in the field of child sexual abuse treatment. Ive presented strategies on child sex abuse exposure and prevention in front of thousands of people across the country. Ive been in the trenches, and I am using knowledge to help parents stop the cycle of abuse. Academics and therapists have written wonderful books about the effects and aftereffects of abuse, but when it comes to prevention and awareness, a survivor advocate is the best, most knowledgeable person to tell the story.

This is a book that could not have been written twenty years ago. I hope that, in twenty years, more and more communities wont need such a book. For now, though, its information you needand you can handle it. The scariest things in life can also be the most difficult things to discuss. This is especially true when it comes to child sexual abuse. But keep reading, because you will learn that preventing abuse is much easier than you think.

Child sexual abuse happens everywhere. It happens in homes, schools, churches, youth organizations, camps, neighborhoods, community centers, and public facilities. The statistics are pretty vague; this is a horribly underreported crime. There are no accurate statistics about how many children are sexually abused each year. Conventional wisdom says that one in six boys and one in four girls in this country will be victims of sexual abuse before the age of eighteen, but it is virtually impossible to find a source for these numbers. According to the US Department of Justice, approximately one in six children will be the victim of sexual violence by the time they reach eighteen. Any way you look at it, thats pretty grim news.