Sandy K. Wurtele - Out of Harms Way: A Parents Guide to Protecting Young Children from Sexual Abuse

Copyright 2010 by Parenting Press, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from Parenting Press, Inc.

Printed in the United States of America

Designed by Magrit Baurecht (Core Creative Team)

ISBN 978-1-884734-97-7 paperback book

ISBN 978-1-884734-98-4 library binding

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wurtele, Sandy K. (Sandy Kay), 1955

Out of harms way : a parents guide to protecting young children from sexual abuse / by Sandy K. Wurtele.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-884734-97-7 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-884734-98-4 (library binding)

1. Child sexual abuse--Prevention. 2. Sex crimes--Prevention. 3. Children--Sexual behavior. I. Title.

HV6570.W87 2010

362.88--dc22

2010015400

Parenting Press

P.O. Box 75267

Seattle, Washington 98175

For more helpful publications and services for parents, caregivers, and children, go to www.ParentingPress.com.

Index

When a prevention advocate asked if he could attend a neighborhood watch meeting to talk to parents about childhood sexual abuse, the groups spokesperson replied, We live in a really safe neighborhood. There are no registered sex offenders living within miles of here. Our neighbors are all well-respected adultsmany are doctors and teachers. We KNOW our children are not at risk for being sexually abused, so we dont need this presentation.

Three mothers of fourth graders were talking over the recent news report of a male teacher being arrested for sexually abusing a student in his class. One mother remarked, We dont have to worry about that happening to our kidsthank goodness their teacher is a woman!

Even though her daughter was showing signs consistent with being sexually abused, her mother refused to consider the possibility that the childs baby-sitter, her maternal uncle, might be the perpetrator. Outraged at this suggestion, her mother claimed, This is my brother, not some child molester!

The parents in the anecdotes above hold some misconceptions about childhood sexual abuse (CSA) that could actually increase their childrens risks of being sexually abused. Parents can reduce their childrens risks of abuse by:

• learning the facts about sexual abusers,
• talking to their children about healthy sexuality and body safety,
• screening childrens companions and authority figures, and
• making informed decisions about their childrens safety.

What is Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA)? CSA occurs when someone uses or exploits a child to obtain sexual or emotional gratification or for financial profit (for example, by creating and selling child pornography). CSA can take many forms, ranging from exposing a child to pornography to oral, anal, or vaginal penetration.

How many children are sexually abused? Tragically, many children are victims of CSA. A 2009 study found that one-in-four women and one-in-twelve men in the United States remembered being sexually abused before the age of 18. Another survey of U.S. youth found that nearly one-in-ten children said they had been sexually victimized.

Although children of all ages are sexually abused, one-in-seven CSA victims are under the age of seven. Younger children are at greater risk of abuse by family members, whereas older children are more at risk of abuse by people outside the family. Sexual abuse happens to children from all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic classes, and in all religious groups.

Bottom line: CSA can happen to any child. In Out of Harms Way you will learn the facts about CSA and what you can do to reduce the risks of your child being harmed by a sexual abuser.

We all have ideas of what a molester looks like. Images of a dirty old man or creepy-looking stranger waiting to snatch some unsuspecting child come to mind. But these evil or dirty old men stereotypes are dangerous myths. By being vigilant only for creepy-looking men, parents may overlook the people who are much more likely to commit sexual abuse.

The biggest myth about CSA is that most molesters are strangers to the child. Instead, an abuser is much more likely to be someone the child knows, including relatives, family friends, and people in positions of trust and authority. Only ten percent are strangers.

Abusers can be relatives as close as siblings, parents, grandparents, or step-parents (known as incest). Abusers outside the family are often in positions of authority over the childmembers of the clergy, baby-sitters, school personnel, medical or mental health professionals, scout leaders, or day care providers.

While it is true that CSA is mostly perpetrated by males, females also sexually abuse children. And abusers are rarely older adults. Instead, onset of CSA offending peaks at two timesthe first during adolescence and the second during the thirties, when adults have access to children (in their own families or place of employment). Also be aware that older children and teenagers (boys and girls) sexually abuse younger children, including their siblings and children in their care (for example, while baby-sitting).

Images of molesters as criminals or homeless people are also incorrect. People who sexually exploit children often lead two livesa respected public life and a hidden private life. Recent news reports have highlighted shocking cases of prominent, respected people (including priests, politicians, and teachers) who have been arrested for sexually abusing children. People are shocked because they have assumed that because of these peoples public behavior or position in the community, they would never sexually abuse children.

The most important fact to remember about child sexual abusers is that they can be anyone. In the vast majority of cases, the abuser is somebody the child knows and trusts and who has power and authority over the child. Being an authority figure doesnt depend on the persons age or gender, but is based on a childs perception that the person is in charge of, or more powerful than the child. Molesters misuse and exploit their power and authority to persuade a child to comply with their sexual requests.

Its impossible to identify sexual abusers based on their outward appearance, position in the community, public behavior, or their relationship to a child. They do, however, give us clues through their behaviorsactions that reflect a sexual interest in children.

Most abusers carefully select their victims and then go through a process of emotionally and physically grooming them. Through the grooming process abusers gain childrens trust, obtain their sexual compliance, and maintain their silence. Be awarenot all abusers groom children. Exceptions include random acts of violence by adults not known to the child and when bullies, one child or teenager or a group of children, perpetrate sexual abuse upon a child.