Shimi Kang - The Dolphin Way: A Parents Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids-Without Turning i nto a Tiger

Im late again. It seems like Im always late getting to and back from piano lessons, soccer practice, and swimming lessons. My mind is racing with everything I need to do. Ive got emails to send, deadlines to meet, and food to pick up. It feels like the list never ends. Ive got to get some caffeine in me! I think. Maybe I even say it out loud. As my anxiety builds, my nerves become jangled and my head starts to tighten. Both will feel worse after a cup of coffee, but Im not thinking about that. Im just thinking about how I need to not take the nap that is calling me so sweetly.

I look in the rear-view mirror to change lanes and catch sight of my son in the backseat. He looks so flat, empty, and lost that my heart breaks a littlemaybe more than a little.

Whats wrong, sweetie? I ask.

Mom, he sighs wearily, barely audible, I dont wanna go to piano. I just wanna go home and play.

My heart breaks a little more. My son just wants to play and be a kid, which is the way I grew up. It hits me like a thunderbolt: with all the activities, teams, camps, and programs Ive scheduled for him, I was turning my six-year-old boy into an overworked, middle-aged man. What was going on with me? Why had I been such a tiger mom lately? You know, that authoritarian brand of parenting made famous by Amy Chua in her memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which proudly excludes play dates, choices, and even bathroom breaks during piano practice. Somehow, I had adopted that same style, even though it runs counter to nearly everything I value and believe in. Then and there in the car, and in a precious moment of clarity, I vowed to make some big changes. I was going to let my son be a kid again instead of some programmed robot. I wanted to be a human againwith vitality and joy, instead of someone running on automatic. So we ditched piano. I confess that I was probably just as thrilled as my son about this new-found freedom.

However, providing my son with the freedom to play wasnt as simple as just blowing off piano. So, where to start? I had always wanted us to play with LEGO together, but neither of us ever had the time. So, I finally took my son to buy some LEGO at a neighborhood toy store. I have such warm memories of playing with LEGO as a childmaking houses, animals, and all kinds of wild creations that came out of my imagination. But when we got to the toy store, I didnt find the LEGO of my childhood. Instead, I only found LEGO sets that had specific themes, specialized pieces, detailed instructions, and pictures of how the finished model should look. Children who play with LEGO today know what theyre going to create before they even start building. They dont even need to use their imagination! As well, so many of the sets I saw were branded: there were Star Wars LEGO sets, Ninjago LEGO sets, and Chima LEGO sets. Could I find a set of simple, multi-colored building bricks? No.

LEGO started in the 1930s as a company that manufactured wooden toys; it began manufacturing plastic bricks in 1949. Before instructions, LEGO gave children the freedom to build whatever they wantedspaceships, magical wands, cars, giraffes, or train stations. A few props, such as wheels (in 1961) and people (in 1978), were introduced over the years for children to use if they wished, but LEGO bricksbuilding blocks for something imaginativewere always the main attraction.

In the early 1990s, LEGO began selling themed sets, which were typically introduced before the winter holiday season, and then often quickly discontinued in the new year. These sets were expensive and short-lived. Where once LEGO sets lasted ten years or even two generations, new themed sets lasted merely one season.

By the mid-1990s, new lines of LEGO were introduced, such as TechnicTech Play, TechnicTech Build, and LEGO computer games. LEGO would market and briefly release a new themed set, and parents were expected and became accustomed to rushing out and buying that set at an astronomical price. Parents who didnt get to the store while stock was available or couldnt afford to spend $100 on LEGO every four months were left to feel inadequate. In 2011 alone, ten new themed sets of LEGO were introducedand were available for a limited time only.

When my son and I got home, he opened the LEGO set he had chosen and we were both stymied on how to put the model together. Quickly frustrated, I sent him off to find his dad. Then we both watched my husband struggle with the instructions as if he were putting together some complex piece of IKEA furniture. LEGO isnt even play anymore! Instead of saying that our children are playing with LEGO, maybe we should say theyre following LEGO instructions or maybe watching their parents struggle with LEGO instructions. Sure, children may play with their LEGO Star Wars Spaceship once in a while, when its not on display, but why not just buy a spaceship that you dont have to spend hours building and cant break in a minute and doesnt cost $100? OK, Im getting carried awayLEGO in 2013 is a safe activity that resembles play in