Robert Sears - 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know: Essential First Steps for Fathers

ESSENTIAL FIRST STEPS FOR FATHERS

ROBERT W. SEARS, M.D., AND JAMES M. SEARS, M.D.
THE CO-AUTHORS OF THE BABY BOOK

2017 Quarto Publishing Group USA Inc.

Text 2006 Robert W. Sears and James M. Sears

Foreword 2006 Jennifer Thermes

First Published in 2017 by The Harvard Common Press, an imprint of The Quarto Group,

100 Cummings Center, Suite 265-D, Beverly, MA 01915, USA.

T (978) 282-9590 F (978) 283-2742 QuartoKnows.com

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Digital edition: 978-1-55832-921-8

Hardcover edition: 978-1-55832-893-8

Digital edition published in 2017

Originally found under the following Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Sears, Robert, M.D.

Fathers first steps : 25 things every new dad should know / Robert W. Sears and

James M. Sears ; foreword by William Sears.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-55832-335-X (hardcover : alk. paper)

1. FathersLife skills guides. 2. Fatherhood. 3. InfantsCare. 4. Father and infant.

I. Sears, James M. II. Title.

HQ756.S397 2006

306.8742dc22 2005035169

ISBN-13: 978-1-55832-335-3

ISBN-10: 1-55832-335-X

For our children who taught us everything we know.
For our wives who remind us of everything we forget.
And for our parents who made us who we are today.

Its a dads dream to write the introduction to a book written by his sons!

One day I was scheduled to give an evening talk to a group of expectant dads. Earlier that day an expectant mom in our office asked me, How do I get my husband to attend your talk? This is our first baby, and I want him to get prepared. I suggested she tell him that they were going to attend a talk about some new and exciting investments they could make. The expectant dad responded with my two favorite words for a happy marriage, Yes, dear! and off to the talk they went. The couple sat in the front row, and within a few minutes I saw him nudge his wife and say, I thought he was going to talk about investments. Hes talking about babies! At the end of the talk, the father thanked me. He had just realized that he was about to make the best investment of his life.

Imagine that youre about to start a new job. Youre naturally apprehensive because you may have had no training for this job. It requires new skills and new tools. Consider this book to be like your first toolbox, a set of beginner tools that will help you put more into your investment, so that years down the road youll be able to sit back and enjoy your returns. In this new job you may have to start at the bottomlearning how to change diapers. You will be frustrated at times that your wife seems to know instinctively what to do. You will learn how to handle a crying baby when your wife says, Here, Ive had it! You try to calm him! Comforting fussy babies is where dads can really shine, and Dr. Bob and Dr. Jim will show you how. Instead of fumbling around, you will comfort your baby and score lots of points with your wife. Nothing turns on a woman like seeing a big man nurture a tiny baby.

Throughout this book, Dr. Bob and Dr. Jim give you tools to help your baby trust you as a nurturer. You are not just a pinch hitter, filling in for Mom. Your children will enjoy the different ways you parent them, the way you talk, the way you hold them, and the way you play with them. Its not greater or less than what Mom does. Its different, and children thrive on this difference. Dr. Bob and Dr. Jim want you to be the best dad you can be, and they will show you how. Using their combined almost 50 years of fathering, they share with you what theyve learned works for most dads most of the time.

Raising eight children has helped me mature into a better man, a better husband, and a better person, and I have watched my sons grow with their own families. Even though I taught Bob and Jim everything they know (or so I like to think), their experiences with their own five kids have allowed them to build and expand on this knowledge to share unique insights with you. Throughout this book the authors bleed a bit. Theyve made mistakes and learned from them, and theyve learned from their wives. The 25 tips they offer you throughout this book are sure to help you enjoy the fulfilling rewards of investing your time and person into your baby.

As Ive seen each of my children grow up, move out, get married, start their careers, and have children, its been a true joy to look back to the very beginning and remember the countless hours I spent holding, walking, rocking, changing, dressing, and playing with each one of my babies. As I look at my relationship with my older kids, I know my investment has paid off a hundredfold. Dr. Bob and Dr. Jim will help your life investment pay off for you and your kids as well.

Dr. Bill Sears

Youre about to become a father. Or maybe you have your new bundle of joy already. Maybe youre holding this book because your wife, girlfriend, mother-in-law, or a well-intentioned friend thinks you need it. If so, dont take it personally. Somebody was probably just looking for a cute present and thought youd be more likely to read a short book than a whole encyclopedia on parenting. Anyway, your wife will read all the important books and fill you in on what you need to know, right?

Maybe. But as a new dad you dont want to risk being left out of the loop, do you? You want to be just as prepared as your babys mother, but you want the short version, the Spark Notes, the facts you need to know without all the extra stuff. Thats what 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know is all about.

Now, are there really only 25 things you need to know as you start your new role as a dad? Of course not. Weve sneaked a lot more than that into this book. But being a father is a learn-as-you-go job anyway. Theres no book in the world that can completely prepare you for what you are about to experiencenot because there is so much information involved, but because you and your baby are unique. No author, not even these two, can anticipate everything your new baby is going to bring out in you as a dad. Fathering isnt a test you can study for. Let your baby teach you what you need to know along the way. Were just here to offer a few tips, tell a few jokes, and share what weve learned along our own journeys through fatherhood.