Doyin Richards - Daddy Doin Work: Empowering Mothers to Evolve Fatherhood

Doyin Richards

Daddy Doin Work

Empowering Mothers to Evolve Fatherhood

Provo, Utah

Introduction

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I remember when I was in fourth grade and my teacher asked the class that very question. With a few exceptions, every girl wanted to be a veterinarian, teacher, nurse, or a mother. The boys in our class were equally as predictable, as many wanted to be professional athletes, police officers, firefighters, or astronauts.

Then there was me.

I wanted to be a rapper. Not only did I think Id make big bucks with my rhymes, but I also came to class prepared to share my skills with everyone. Mind you, the assignment was only to share the name of the profession and offer a quick synopsis as to why we would want to pursue it. No chance I was following those rules. This was going to be my big break. Because, hey, in my knuckleheaded mind, the not-so-mean streets of suburban Amherst, Massachusetts, were crawling with hip-hop record producers who would line up to sign MC D-Rich (yes, that was my stage name. Dont ask).

When it was my turn to present in front of the class, I shared my Cafeteria rap with them. Feel free to add your own beat box in the background.

The cafeteria is an awful place.

Food smells good, but has no taste.

Soggy burgers and greasy fries

Made a few tears come to my eyes.

I called my friend to see my plate,

And he said, Hold on there, you better wait

Why should I wait? Why should I look?

Because the food on my plate aint fully cooked.

And then I jumped backand to my surprise,

The thing on my plate just opened its eyes!

I remember folding my arms like the cool kids did back in the 80s and waited for a response from the class. After about seven seconds of awkward silence, my teacher forced a smile. Thank you, Doyin. Please have a seat. Okay, who would like to go next?

That moment crushed my rap career before it ever got off of the ground, and thats a damn good thing for everyone involved. However, one thing happened that day that went completely unnoticed until I grew up: some of the girls mentioned they wanted to become moms, but not one of the boys said they wanted to become dads.

Even at young ages, kids are force-fed societys lines about what they should do for a living. Boys should do manly things that will help provide a good life for their wives and children. In other words, find a way to get (and keep) a good job that pays a good salary. I bought into that formula. Pretty much every dude I know bought into it. The irony isnt lost upon me, because I now know that theres no better way for a man to provide a good life for his wife and children than being a good, involved dad and a committed parenting partner to his spouse.

The first little boy I come across who says his goal in life is to become a dad when he grows up will be the first. Why? Because many boys and young men dont equate being a dad to being something that requires work.

Becoming a lawyer requires work. Becoming a professional basketball player requires work. Becoming a doctor requires work. Hell, even becoming a rapper requires work. Not only do those professions require work, they also pay damn good money. Whats the salary for being a good dad these days? Exactly.

Being a good dad requires work, too. A shitload of work. Work that is often tedious, exhausting, and frustrating. Work that will not pay a man a dime for the amount of time he puts into changing diapers, giving baths, helping with homework, being a shoulder to cry on, being an active and willing parenting partner with his spouse, and being the primary male role model in his kids lives.

However, its easily the most rewarding work a man can do, and nobody can put a price tag on it.

It starts with the toothless infant smiles when his baby looks at him, and it continues until he receives the TYT and beyond. By the way, the TYT is the Thank You Talk. Its that point in a dads life when his kids are old enough to say, You know when you were a hard ass to me growing up, and I kept telling you that I hated you? Well, now I know why you did those things. Thank you for being such a great dad.

My dad received the TYT from my two brothers and me, and to this day he lists those conversations as some of the proudest moments since he became a father. He put in work at his day job prior to retiring. He puts in work as a devoted husband to my mom as they celebrate forty-four years of marriage and counting. When we were younger, he put in work as an amazing parenting partner that helped my mom survive dealing with three crazy little boys during her time as a stay-at-home mom. He puts in work by always showing my two brothers and me that no matter what he had going on in his life being a dad to us was (and still is) his main priority. Whenever we talk, he always tells me that his hard work paid off.

The key word in there is work . My dad is always doin work for our family, and that earns him the title of a Daddy Doin Work. Yes, that phrase rolls off the tongue easier than the drool from the mouth of my teething baby girl, but its intended to be more than something catchy and cute. Its intended to be the gold standard that all dads should strive to become if they arent there already.

Are we there yet?

Are you kidding me? Turn on your televisions and youll see modern dads depicted as bumbling buffoons who dont know their asses from their elbows when it comes to childcare. On a personal level, not a day goes by when I dont receive emails from exasperated moms fed up with the lack of support at home from their men. With the same frequency, I also receive emails from amazing dads who are frustrated by the women in their lives trying to micromanage how they raise their kids. At least once a week I see moms losing their minds in excitement over dads completing simple parenting tasks they can do in their sleep.

So, no. Were not there yet.

Can we get there someday?

Absolutely, we can. But we need to approach the problem from a different angle, and that angle is to empower women to evolve fatherhood. Confused? Dont sweat it. It will all make perfect sense once you dive into the book. Im not a parenting expertand lets face it, neither are you. Theres no such thing as a parenting expert; however, I know my shit when it comes to dads (whether they are crappy, mediocre, or excellent). Just think of me as your tour guide as we take the scenic route to understanding what evolving fatherhood is all about.

You already paid for your tour ticket by owning this book. So buckle your seatbelt, get comfortable, and make sure you use the potty before we drive down this extremely important road. Nothing is more annoying than asking your passengers if they need to pee before you leave the house, and then ten minutes later little Susie is complaining about an urgent need to tinkle. Dont be Susie.

I digress.

Ready? Lets go.

Chapter 1

When I Broke the Internet

Since we re going to become acquainted on this long journey, I probably should let you in on a personal secret before we hit the road:

I broke the Internet.

Yes, you read that correctly. Not too long ago I personally demolished everything that Al Gore worked so tirelessly to build. The result wasnt due to creating a super virus that wreaked havoc upon the worlds computers. It was simply due to a photo and a blog post. A photo and a blog post that clearly illustrate why we need to evolve fatherhood in the first place.