Jessica Bomford - Its Twins! Now What?: Tips, Advice and Real-life Experience to Help You from Pregnancy through to Your Babies First Year

ITS TWINS! NOW WHAT?

Copyright Jessica Bomford, 2016

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a machine language, without the written permission of the publishers.

Jessica Bomford has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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All the quoted comments have been used with the permission of the parents and the healthcare professionals. The opinions expressed by these contributors do not in any way reflect the view of Summersdale Publishers Ltd.

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Contents

Disclaimer

The material in this book is not intended as a substitute for the professional advice of a qualified therapist or healthcare professional. All children are unique, and while the book offers suggestions and recommendations to parents and other caregivers, we encourage you to use your common sense and judgement to determine when its appropriate to seek professional advice.

Acknowledgements

Had this book been the story of my own first year of raising twins, it would have been a short one. I made precisely three entries in my diary during that period, one of which was a shopping list. Yet the seeds of this project were sown in those chaotic first twelve months, and began to take root with the encouragement and support of a wonderful group of parents with whom I congregated each week in the sanctuary of our playgroup, SE23 Twins, to discuss, commiserate and laugh, slightly hysterically, at the challenges that our twins threw at us. I feel privileged to count many of these remarkable women as my friends and am honoured that so many of them have allowed me to pass on their wise words and occasional cock-ups in this book.

In order to write Its Twins! Now What? , I interviewed parents of twins from across the country, many of whom I have never met, who have all allowed me to peek into their lives to extract that elusive combination of experience and humour that keeps us sane and ready to face another day. I am so grateful to every single person who has taken the time to talk to me and, in doing so, has enriched this book immeasurably.

I am also indebted to the professionals who have assisted me, some of whom have the happy coincidence of being parents of twins themselves. In particular, my thanks go to Dr Susan Bewley, whose advice and encouragement went far beyond the call of duty. Her steady voice of experience would surely calm the nerves of the most anxious expectant mother. Thank you also to Dr Bonamy Oliver, Dr Sarah Helps, Dr Saima Latif, Dr Frankie Phillips, Maggie Vaughan, Annabel Bryant and Annie Simpson, who shared their expertise so willingly.

I owe so many people so much gratitude that to pick out individuals seems somehow wrong. However, it is impossible to ignore the extra cheerleading, childcare and occasional chivvying that I received from these lovely people, so extra special thanks must go to my husband Jason Groves, and my friends Jenny Parker, Sarah Withe, Lynsey Scott, Margarita Vidiella and Sharon Street, for your invaluable support.

Final thanks go to my mum Janice, sister Lucy and my parents-in-law Sue and Rob Groves, who have helped in so many ways. I am so lucky to have you all in my life. As I write, I am thinking of my late father, Peter, who is much missed by us all, especially by his little chaps.

For Jason, Kit, Alec and Harry

Chapter 1

Welcome to the Club

Everyone has a good story about the day they discovered they were having twins. It is the day your life changed, veered off at a right angle and plunged down an unmarked road. You may have punched the air with joy or dropped to the floor sobbing in shock, or perhaps you did a bit of both.

It is fair to say that in the space of a few minutes in the sonographers room, life plans are upended, dreams reconfigured and finances shredded. Immediate practical considerations can crowd out what should be a special moment of celebration. Is our house big enough for twins? Will a double buggy fit into our car let alone the twins themselves? Can we afford two babies? How will this affect our other children? In short: how will we cope?

If its any consolation, every single parent who has contributed to this book has experienced this blast in the face of conflicting emotions: joy and relief at two healthy heartbeats, but understandable anxiety about what lies ahead.

The aim of this book is to equip you with the information you need to put those anxieties to rest. Think of it as your friend, someone to put an arm around your shoulders when times are tough, but who is also willing to give you the occasional home truth when required. This book is your hot-water bottle on tricky days and your gin and tonic when you need something stronger, because these pages contain hundreds of anecdotes, tips and just as importantly funny stories about life with twins. Not life with twins as experts imagine it to be, but real life with real twins in real families. No two stories are the same. Some advice will suit your parenting style and some wont. Some tips will be relevant for your newborn, but by the time theyve hit three months you will be checking out the same chapter again for different ideas and suggestions. Babies change and our parenting style evolves, so it is useful to have as many different ideas within one book as possible.

Where medical information is required, doctors, midwives, psychiatrists and dieticians with specific expertise in twins (some of them parents of twins themselves) have shared their wisdom. However, if you have any medical concerns at all, it is important to consult your doctor or midwife immediately.

Hopefully the experiences of the many parents of twins will give you the confidence to care for your babies, and the reassurance that they were all beginners once and that no one has all the answers or always gets it right.

Sometimes, though, being forewarned can be a bit scary. Hearing about hysterical, sleep-deprived, early-hours sobbing may strike a chord of recognition once your babies are born, but as you prepare for their arrival it might be downright terrifying to imagine yourself in that position. So occasionally the brass tacks need to be covered by a bit of positive padding, and every now and then we should stop and remind ourselves of the joy that these two little people bring to our lives and what a privilege it is to be parents of twins.

As you may have discovered already, if you thought you didnt know anyone with twins or who is a twin, you are almost certainly wrong. One of the great things about expecting or having twins is that suddenly you find everyone around you is harbouring a twin tale. A work colleague that youve known for years reveals that they are an identical twin; the supermarket checkout ladys grandchildren are twins; and suddenly Great-aunt Gussie remembers that twins do run in the family after all shes just not sure on which side. Congratulations! You are now officially part of the worldwide twin fellowship.