Natalie Diaz - What to do when youre having two: the twins survival guide from pregnancy through the first year

Theres a heartbeat, my doctor said during a sonogram eight weeks after my first in vitro fertilization (IVF). Apprehensive as Id been that neither of the two embryos that had been implanted would take, I sighed with relief. Then a split second later he said, And theres the second heartbeat, as if he had expected it.

Ill be honest. I definitely did not think, Oh, this is wonderful. Instead, my gut reaction was, I didnt sign up for this. Of course I knew that twins were a possible result of the IVF, but it had taken me so long to get pregnant that I hadnt seriously considered this. In that moment, I didnt know if I was happy or sad. I was in shock. I looked at my husband, John, for some sort of clue as to what I should be feeling. The first words out of his mouth were, Well have to move. I was overwhelmed, stunned, speechless, and frozen by the mere thought of the unexpected demands that we were about to face. Nothing could have prepared me for the impact that one moment would come to have on our entire lives.

Seven years later, I feel nostalgic about that time of intense anticipation. I look at Anna and John, our unbelievable twins, and I can laugh at all of the drama that came with bringing twins into the world and our trial-and-error attempts to efficiently care for them during their first year of life. It was frightening and challenging, but it was also crazy fun. Having twins can be scary, especially at first, but roller coasters are also scary, and those ups and downs are always thrilling.

Unless you come from a family with a history of twins, you are essentially on your own when it comes to knowing how to care for your twinnies. What works for a singleton, what parents of multiples refer to as a single birth child, may not prove useful for you. That goes for pregnancy, delivery, feeding the newborns, and beyond, so the advice that you get from your mother, aunts, sisters, and friends may not always apply. You have to either forge your own way or seek advice from those who have been there before you.

There are no other twins in my family, and after finding out that I was expecting a pair instead of one, I was desperate for information and a connection to other twin moms. At only fourteen panicked weeks pregnant, I attended my first Manhattan Twins Club meeting. Right away, I knew that the strangers in that room held the keys to my parenting success. They had been in the trenches and survived, and they had learned quite a bit in the process. They had the answers that I was looking for.

When we returned home after the drama of the premature birth and our babies stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), I was so relieved to have those mentors who provided me with their hard-earned knowledge about how to handle two bundles of joy on three hours of sleep a night. I dont know what I would have done during that period of hormone-fueled slapstick as I attempted to care for and breast-feed those babies without the counsel of those wise women. I incorporated their recommendations, gained confidence, and learned my own tricks of the trade. Once my twins were thriving and I had successfully gotten through the newborn stage, I knew that I had to pass on my newfound wealth of experience. I became the director of the Manhattan Twins Club, served on the board of the New York State Mothers of Twins Club, and was the publicity coordinator for the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs.

Most moms learn from their first child (or their first set of twins!) and then put that acquired wisdom to work on their subsequent children, but after my twins I wasnt able to have any more children. I needed my own outlet for all of my knowledgesomething that would serve as my third baby. As I saw how many women all over the country were in dire need of information about parenting twins (just as I had been), I decided to unite our community of twin parents with the launch of Twiniversity, an international online community exclusively for parents of multiples to exchange information, horror stories, advice, support, and friendship.

The motto of Twiniversity is, Community, Knowledge, Humor, and that is exactly what you will find in this book. It is based on my own experience first and foremost, but also incorporates advice from other twin parents as well as experts in their fields, from financial advisers to ob-gyns. Youll get a realistic picture of what to expect during pregnancy and during your twins first year, and receive endless tips on how to get through the day and streamline your life so you can enjoy those yummy babies to the maximum. Nothing is off-limits here, as we will delve into some pretty murky waters. Some of what you read on these pages may scare you, but rest assured Ill always give you a solution and tips that will get you through the hardest moments with a smile on your spit-up-covered face. Arent you excited? Lets get started!