Cynthia Geisen - Growing Into a Family: A Kids Guide to Living in a Blended Family

Growing Into a Family

A Kids Guide to Living in a Blended Family

Cynthia Geisen

Illustrated by R. W. Alley

Abbey Press

With thanks to my own sisters, with whom

I have shared the rough and tumble and joy of blending.

And with thanks most of all to Ryan, my next-of-kin.

A Message to Parents, Teachers, and Other Caring Adults

The secret to blending families is there is no secret. Its scary and awesome and ragged and perfect and always changing. Love and laugh hard. Try again tomorrow. But thats life advice, right?

Mir Kamin

Families blend together for a variety of reasons. Widowed or divorced parents choose to remarry. An ailing or elderly relative can no longer live alone and moves in with his sons family. A family chooses to adopt a child. Economic circumstances force family members to combine households. Regardless of why it happens, creating a blended family is a process of transition that takes time, patience, humor, compassion, and a whole lot of conversation.

Therefore, this book has been designed not so much to be read by a child than to be read with a child you love. Youll notice that several pages invite you to craft lists of: family traditions, things you like to do together, the things in your childs life that have changed, and those that have stayed the same. Your child is not intended to be literal, but to refer to a child you love. Aunts, uncles, teachers, pastors, and friends would be wonderful reading companions.

The purpose is three-fold. First, to give your child permission to talk with you about the things with which she or he may be struggling. Second, to create a structured space so that you are able to listen to and talk with one another. Third, to model for your child a healthy way to deal with the transitions that will certainly come her or his way in the future.

As you approach this book, dont be daunted. There are no magic formulas and no right answers. More than anything, you will be gifting your child with your presence. Just bring your love, compassion, persistence, and a large dollop of humor. May you have each in abundance.

Cynthia Geisen

A Familys Love Never Changes

Y our family is important. Its the place where you feel safe and loved. Family members are people you can count on. No matter what happens, your familys love for you will never change. You can count on your family because they want what is best for you. They want you to be happy and always to feel loved.

W ho is in your family? Do you have sisters and brothers? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins? Stepbrothers and stepsisters? A stepmom or stepdad?

I snt it great to think of all the people who love you!

When Families Grow

S ometimes, new members join a family. You may have heard that your family is getting ready to grow. It could be that your mom or dad is getting married to someone who has children. Maybe your grandfather is coming to live with you. Or, perhaps your parents are going to adopt a baby from a faraway country.

Y ou might be wondering: How will things in my family change? How will I fit in? Will I still be important?

I ts okay to have lots of questions.

Its Okay to Ask

Y ou are probably wondering about lots of things. Where will I live? Do I have to share my room? What will my step-sister or brother be like? Will we get along? What should I call my stepmom or stepdad? Is it okay to talk about my real mom or dad? Will we still have chocolate cake on my birthday?

M aybe you have other questions, too.

T alk about your questions with your mom, dad, or another adult you trust. No question is silly or wrong. Asking questions helps us know what to expect. So, dont be afraid to ask!

Many Things Change

L ots of changes are happening in your family. What are they? Do you sleep in a different room? Go to a new school? Do you have new stepbrothers and stepsisters? Maybe you have two homes now, instead of one.

S it down with an adult you love and make a list of all the new things in your life. Draw a star by all the items on your list that you really like. Put an X by the new things in your life that are hard or that you dont like.

T alk together about everything on your list.

Some Things Stay the Same

E ven though lots of things are different in your family, some things are still the same. Think of all the things in your life that are the way they have always been. Maybe you still have the same pet. Or, you still might like to play hide-and-seek. It could be that ice cream is still your favorite dessert.

A sk an adult you love to help you make a list of all the things in your life that have not changed.

D ont forget to put this on your list: My family loves me. That will always stay the same.