Mashonda Tifrere - Blend: The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family

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Copyright 2018 by Mashonda Tifrere

Foreword 2018 by Alicia Keys

A Letter from a Father 2018 by Kasseem Dean

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Mashonda, author.

Title: Blend : the secret to co-parenting and creating a balanced family / Mashonda Tifrere ; foreword by Alicia Keys.

Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2018. | Includes bibliographical references and index. | Identifiers: LCCN 2018018497 (print) | LCCN 2018034553 (ebook) | ISBN 9780525504498 | ISBN 9780143132578 (hardback)

Subjects: LCSH: Divorce. | Joint custody of children. | BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Divorce & Separation. | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting / Stepparenting. | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting / Motherhood.

Classification: LCC HQ814 (ebook) | LCC HQ814 .M3257 2018 (print) | DDC 306.89dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018018497

p. cm.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

To the Woman who raised me: you are my rock. In you, I see God.

To my son, Kasseem, and his UNordinary love: thank you for helping me remember who I am.

For my godmother, Patricia Soliman, the wordsmith who inspired me to write.

FOREWORD

Dear Mashonda,

I am so proud of us. Prouder than words on endless blank pages could express.

Im proud because at one time we both felt misunderstood by each other, and now, here we are: celebrating each other in this beautiful book you have written called Blend , which so honestly describes how blended families can work! It shows us that life brings us the lessons we need to learn, so we can share them and find ways to become more evolved and more conscious of how we love one another and create our lives in the world.

Through our process of successfully blending, Ive discovered that understanding is the most beautiful word I know of, and yet, as a concept, it challenges us as human beings to allow the freedom of true understanding to bloom within us.

Swizz, you, and I have found real compassion by taking the time to stand in one anothers shoes and accept that we are all growing and learning. We all play a part in the life we create, not only with our one-on-one relationships but all of us in the world together, for the love of one another.

When we can see each other for who we really are, as the three of us are doing, we can be free to actually know each other. Not just what we think we know or what weve been told but what we actually know with our own eyes, our own spirit; the truth that rests in the air around us and that is within us.

When I observe our kids, I realize more than ever that the love they see between us is the love they are free to give as well. Because they are one anothers greatest teachers. Kasseem Jr. is Egypts greatest teacher, and Egypt is Genesiss greatest teacher, so whatever we have taught them and shown them is what they will have the capacity to give. And that capacity is deepening and deepening with every conscious step we take.

Ill never forget the actual change I saw in KJ when he watched the completed Blended Family video with all of us together, which included pieces of our familyour grandfathers, grandmothers, mothers, and fathers, who have, through their own journeys, found their way to blending. He saw us all, and then , he saw A$AP Rocky, and a light went off in his head, and he said, A$AP Rocky has a blended family too???!!!! He was both in shock and in the middle of such joy, as he realized that he was not the only one; that there are so many others; that we are not alone in this experience.

That is the reason I wrote that song, and that is the reason you have written this book. It is our collective hope that some lightbulbs will come on and shine brightly with the clear understanding of how blended families absolutely can and do work by inspiring healthy relationships for the millions of us who have the same family dynamic.

I love being a bonus mom (better known as Umi) to KJ. I love that I get to take him to his games and be a part of homework and other special school projects. I love how I get to gently show him how to have more patience when his younger brothers are driving him crazy, as I teach them all the ethics of how to play well together. I love how we collectively encourage him to find the words to express himself. I love to read to him and pray with him at night before bed. I love singing to him and talking to him about his crushes and helping him create the vision for his Halloween costume or any creative endeavor he is imagining. I secretly (and strangely) love falling asleep with my phone in my hand late at night, trying to figure out how to juggle all the kids schedules, getting each of them the time they need with the adults in their lives to feel loved and supported. I love how KJ gives me a glimpse into all that is coming in the short future with his younger brothers. I love him so deeply and Im so moved by his beautiful love for me. There are tough parts to this: the days when KJ struggles with living in two places, and when Egypt is sad because the big brother he adores is shouldering a lot of emotion. Sometimes when I have to work late or travel without my family, I feel guilty. And when Swizz is working and Im alone with all the kids, I can feel them vying for my attention. Like most mothers, I want to be and give everything to everybody, and sometimes thats overwhelming. I worry about them all getting enough of what they need. But even with these challenging moments, I wont trade our experience. When I sit quietly, I know for a fact that we have all been brought together for something bigger than anyone couldve ever imagined; something that we could not have done without one another.

I believe thats what all blended families are here for! But there is no manual on how to do it, rarely any positive examples, and barely any explanations or guidance on how to navigate those tricky moments that naturally come up on the journey to becoming a successful blended family.

But now, I believe there is.

So this book is not only for our family. It is for all of us ! All of us in the world trying to stumble through life and its challenges with as much love and understanding as possible. For those of us who are looking for the way forward. Its for those of us who are not ready and for those of us who are ready to realize that we get to write the story of our life.

And it gets to be a triumph.