Copyright 2015 by MarriageToday.
All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form or by any means without written permission from the publisher, except brief passages for purpose of reviews. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references and quotations are taken from the New King James Version (nkjv), copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Publishers.
MarriageToday
PO Box 59888
Dallas, TX 75229
1-800-868-8349
ISBN: 9780578176727
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Printed in the United States of America
Before You Begin
B efore you begin reading, we wanted to share a few thoughts on how to get the most out of this important resource.
When we set out to produce material to help people in blended families navigate the struggles and challenges that stepfamilies face, we wanted to do more than just write a book on the subject. We wanted to walk with families through the process as they work to make their marriage and family all that it can possibly be.
In order to accomplish this, we created an interactive workbook and study guide for couples and groups to be used along with this book. In the workbook, we included a teaching DVD that walks you through the 8-week study.
This teaching DVD includes candid interviews with the eighteen successful stepfamilies we brought together as our panel of experts when compiling material for this project. These are couples that have successfully navigated the unique challenges that blended families facechallenges that you may be facing on a daily basis.
Though this book can be read as a stand-alone resource, it is designed as a companion to the workbook and teaching DVD. Many of the thoughts and principles we discuss in the pages to come are developed further in the 8-week study.
Section one of this book is taken from Jimmy Evans teaching on the Day One Dynamics of a Blended Family. That complete teaching is included in the DVD that accompanies the workbook.
In section two of this book, we leaned heavily on the advice and counsel we received from the eighteen successful stepfamilies who agreed to help with this project. We included many direct quotes from those interviews in this section, but youll find much more of their advice on the teaching DVD.
In section three, youll find advice that applies to all married couples, blended or not, on growing a strong and healthy family.
If you are involved in a blended family Bible study or support group, we encourage you to look for these added resources and go through them with your group. If not, maybe you and your spouse can go through the workbook together as a couple.
Whatever you decide, our prayer is that God will use these resources to help you grow a strong and healthy, truly blended family.
To find these additional resources, visit our MarriageToday website, at www.marriagetoday.com
When Two Become OneAgain
B rad and Pam have the kind of relationship that all married couples strive for. After thirty years of marriage, they still gaze at each other across the room with a knowing smile and a glint in their eyes. They finish each others sentences and still flirt as they sit next to each other on the couch. Their speech is loving and respectful, especially when talking to each other. And you can tell from the moment you meet them how much in love they are.
Its hard to imagine Brad and Pam ever being in a bad marriage, yet thats exactly where they both once werealthough not to each other.
Brad first married at the age of eighteen. I got my girlfriend pregnant in high school and knew I needed to do the right thing, he said.
He wasnt a believer at the time, but he had the good character to take responsibility for his actions. So he married his girlfriend, and soon they were the parents of a beautiful baby boy. A couple years later they had a baby girl.
Brad always knew his girlfriend enjoyed getting high from time to time, but he never considered her an addict. It wasnt until after the wedding that he realized how serious the problem had become. She was good at hiding her drug habit, at least at first, but it wasnt long before she was getting high every day.
Brad also caught her cheating on him with other menusually the ones who could help her to get hard drugs. And as the years went by, her addiction only grew worse.
It was like being stuck in a washing machine set on the crazy cycle, Brad said. It was all he could do to try and maintain some semblance of normalcy for the sake of his kids. But the harder he tried to hang onto his family, the deeper she slid into the nightmare of drugs, sex, and emotional detachment.
The marriage didnt last long, and Brads sole focus soon became fighting the courts for custody of his children. It was a constant uphill battle.
At that time, judges always gave kids to the mother, he said. So he moved into a small apartment nearby and spent most of his time trying to protect his kids from their mothers destructive behavior.
Pams first marriage wasnt any better. She married her boyfriend at the age of twenty-one, against the wishes of her parents. It was the first rebellious thing I ever did, she remembers. He was charming and romantic, and quickly swept her off her feet. But he was also lazy, irresponsible, and sexually deviant. He never wanted to work, and when he did find jobs, he couldnt seem to keep them.
After six years of marriage theyd had two childrena boy and a girlbut still there was no stability in the family. We were basically homeless for the first six years of our marriage, Pam said. We bounced around from state to state, usually staying with friends.
Pam tried desperately to hold the family together, in spite of her husbands unwillingness to provide. But as time went on, his behavior only got worse. He became sexually abusive to Pam, and had a string of extramarital affairs.
We went to seven different counselors in thirteen years of marriage, Pam said. Even in the midst of her husbands unfaithfulness, she wanted to stay together for the sake of the children. But it soon became clear that divorce was the only sane option.
The man who mediated our divorce told me he had never seen anyone as mentally unstable as my first husband. He said he was like an emotional twelve-year-old.
So at the age of thirty-four, Pam became the single mother of two children. I grew up in my first marriage, she says. I cant regret it because the marriage gave me two beautiful children. And I learned how marriage is not supposed to work.
At times, the feelings of shame and grief felt overwhelming, but Pam never allowed herself to wallow in regret. She instead accepted her new reality, and threw her life into caring for her two precious children.
A Second Chance
Both Brad and Pam went into their second marriage with their eyes wide open. What they saw in each other was a chance to redeem the mistakes of their past, and build a healthy, happy marriage together, instead of a dysfunctional one.
Brad was nothing like my first husband, says Pam. I knew that he would be the kind of husband who gives. I didnt have that with my first marriage. I was the giver and he was the taker. I felt like I had finally found the man that I was supposed to be with. It just felt right.
