Joyce Eisenberg - Stuff Every Grandmother Should Know

Copyright 2019 by Quirk Productions

All rights reserved. Except as authorized under U.S. copyright law, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2018943041

ISBN:9781683690986

Ebook ISBN9781683690993

Ebook design adapted from printed book design by Elissa Flanigan

Cover illustration by Molly Egan

Production management by John J. McGurk

Quirk Books

215 Church Street

Philadelphia, PA 19106

quirkbooks.com

Stuff Every Lawyer Should Know: The publisher and authors hereby disclaim any liability from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. We do not guarantee that the information is safe, complete, or wholly accurate, nor should it be a substitute for the readers good judgment and common sense. In other words: Exercise caution when fielding unsolicited grandparenting advice. Be ber-prepared for tantrums, piggyback-induced muscle strain, and unsuccessful implementation of when I was your age anecdotes. And never underestimate the power of a well-timed cookie.

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For our grandmothers: Sophie Uberman, Pearl Kirschner, and Mary Elgart, who gave us their love of the beach and of costume jewelry and who always greeted us with a big hug and a dish of vanilla ice cream

For our children: Ben and Samantha Eisenberg and Michael, Jessica, and Andrew Scolnic, who were counting on to make us grandmothers while we still have the energy to babysit, go to the playground, and treat them to a family vacation

Congratulations! Youre going to be a grandmother. Youre already a winner. You successfully raised a child. They survivedand thrivedand now theyre giving you the gift of a grandchild.

The new baby will need hugs, cuddles, food, and a clean diaper. But you already know that. So why do you need this book? Consider it a refresherand a guide to whats changed since you were last in charge.

Read this book so that when your kids invite you to their gender reveal party, you wont be clueless. Read it for tips on where to take your grandkid for free fun when you dont want to shell out $40 for the zoo. Youll learn the rules for in-town and out-of-town grandmothers, how to survive the playground, and fifteen things you should never say.

But of all the handy, helpful advice in this book, what matters most is that you follow the parents lead. Are they easygoing and just grateful that you bring the child back alive? Do they have strict rules about snacks and sleep schedules? Navigating your relationship with them is crucial. They are the final authority. After all, they control access to your grandchild.

Now, if this book were published fifty years ago, parents would likely refer to a married man and woman. But this is the twenty-first century, and families come in all shapes, sizes, and genders. So when we say parents, for example, were including everyone and anyone: single parents, couples that are married or living together, families with two mommies or two daddies. To balance inclusivity and ease of reading, weve done our best to alternate nouns and pronouns. Weve also organized chapters in three stages of childhood: babies and toddlers (self-explanatory), little kids (approximately ages 3 to 10), and big kids (tweens and up).

Enjoy reading Stuff Every Grandmother Should Know. Youll get lots of tips, but remember to trust your instincts. There is a lot of leeway in raising a kid. After all, your own children drank water from a hose, played outside till dark without supervision, and never wore a helmet. They survived and now theyve bestowed a grandchild on you.

Get ready for the journey to start all over again. But this time, you get to have all the fun and then hand the child back at the end of the day.

Remember when Lucille Ball wasnt allowed to show her pregnant belly on television? Mrs. Desi Arnaz was a married woman, but she had to wear a pleated maternity blouse to hide her baby bump from her viewership. Nowadays, pregnant women are free to show off their expanding, expectant bellies. In fact, judging by celebrities Instagram photos, showing off your pregnant belly in a bikini is practically required! Times change, and a savvy grandmother-to-be knows how to handle even the most unexpected updates. Here are some other things about expecting a baby that have changed through the years.

Were pregnant proclamations. You might hear a father-to-be happily announce, Were pregnant! You might get updates on our next ultrasound date (or even our hemorrhoids!). Never mind that its still the woman who bears the brunt of the stretch marks, sleepless nights, and pain of childbirththese fathers are excited, supportive, and anxious to participate, and so such phrasing reflects the parents attitude towards sharing responsibilities. Not all parents choose the royal we, but dont be shocked if they do.

Food no-nos. Once upon a time, experts maintained that an expectant mothers drinking wouldnt hurt her baby. Today, almost every bar and restaurant displays a warning sign about the risks of consuming alcohol during pregnancy. Likewise, the list of foods that could hurt a developing baby is long. Raw eggs, which may be present in eggnog, salad dressing, or cookie dough, can carry salmonella. Undercooked or raw beef or fish (this means sushi) might contain parasites. Soft cheeses, like feta and brie, are often made with unpasteurized milk, making them a risk for listeria or E. coli. Pregnant women arent just being pickytheyre following guidelines set out by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Sneak peeks. With modern medical imaging technology, youll see more than a shadow when you meet your grandchild for the first time. Your child might show you a 3D-rendered ultrasound picture, or even a video, of their fetus. As the baby grows, finger, toes, facial features, and genitalia may be revealed in crystal-clear detail. The parents-to-be might even give you a recording of the babys heartbeat.

Gender reveal parties. Thanks to prenatal testing, its now common to know the babys gender ahead of time. But like prom proposals, sharing the happy news has morphed beyond a mere phone call. Some couples simply post a photo of themselves online holding a sign that says, Its a boy/girl. Others go all out and plan a party where they break the news. They might cut open a white-frosted cake to reveal a pink or blue layer, break a piata filled with pink- or blue-wrapped candy, or set off a pink or blue smoke bomb.

Baby showers. Most expectant mothers want to be showered with gifts, but not everyone wants to celebrate prior to her due date. These days, its best to ask the mom-to-be what she prefers, especially because some cultures and religions think a baby shower will tempt fate. In China, a party for the baby is held on the first or second full moon after the birth. In France, its traditional to postpone gifts for the babyand the motheruntil the childs first birthday. Many expectant Jewish mothers, not wanting to attract the evil eye, dont have a baby shower, buy clothing, or decorate a nursery until after the baby is born.