Doreen Rosenthal - New Age Nanas: Being a grandmother in the 21st Century

www.bigskypublishing.com.au

Doreen Rosenthal & Susan Moore

Copyright Doreen Rosenthal and Susan Moore 2012

First published 2012

Copyright remains the property of the authors and apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission.

All inquiries should be made to the publishers.

Big Sky Publishing Pty Ltd

PO Box 303, Newport, NSW 2106, Australia

Cover design and typesetting: Think Productions

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry

Author: Rosenthal, Doreen A. (Doreen Anne), 1938

Title: New age nanas: being a grandmother in the 21st century / By Doreen Rosenthal and Susan Moore.

ISBN: 9781921941412 (pbk.)

Subjects: Grandmothers--Australia--21st century--Anecdotes.

Grandparent and child--Australia--21st century--Anecdotes.

Grandparenting--Australia--21st century--Anecdotes.

Other Authors/Contributors: Moore, Susan M.

Dewey Number: 306.8745

Dedication

In memory of our grandmothers and our childrens grandmothers.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

O ur grandchildren inspired this work; they are a joy and we thank them for simply being who they are. As well, we are especially grateful to Gordana Bruce who conducted most of the grandmother interviews. Her sensitive and warm interviewing style enabled women to open up and tell their stories, providing so much of the rich data on which this book is based. Thanks also to Jessica Falkiner, James Baker, Vic Hamilton and Justine Simonsen who provided research assistance in the form of data collection and data management, and to Andrew Robinson who set up our website (check it out at www.grandresearch.com). The expert readers (all grandmothers!) who gave advice and feedback on our manuscript were particularly helpful in their suggestions thank you. The book is all the better for it. Various seniors organisations and several individuals gave voluntary help in recruiting grandmothers to complete our survey thanks for your assistance, encouragement, and for believing in the project. Our universities (The University of Melbourne and Swinburne University) through their sponsorship of research provided time, infrastructure and assistance with publicity for the study; we are grateful for the luxury of being supported to do what we enjoy. The biggest vote of thanks is to the wonderful grandmothers who took part in the interviews and survey. Their generosity with time and encouragement, their trust in us to fairly represent their experiences, and their candour in telling it warts and all has made this book what it is: the voices of modern grandmothers. We thank them and wish them well.

Preface

W ere both semi-retired social scientists, mothers, grandmothers, old friends and long-time colleagues. One day we were having a coffee thinking how much we would like to embark on another project together. No ideas were forthcoming, so the grandchildrens photos came out as we moved on to a new topic of chatter, a much livelier one.

Doreens three children have provided her with seven grandchildren, ranging in age from three to 20 years. Because they live close by, she has had regular contact with all of them and has had the wonderful experience of seeing them grow and develop. This has meant changes in her relationships with them, from the earlier days of playing games on the floor when they were toddlers, to lots of childrens movies as special treats and hours spent at sporting venues. Now, with the older ones, time together is more likely to be spent over coffee in a caf chatting about their lives and plans for the future.

Sue is GrandSue to three step-grandchildren, aged from four to nine. She feels very lucky to have been able to bond with them all and watch their individual personalities grow. Both of us have shared the stresses of maintaining busy professional lives while at the same time being true to our personal visions of being a good grandmother. Retirement has brought an easing of this pressure and freed up precious time to be more hands-on. Weve been fortunate, too, not to have been troubled by family crises and sadness at least no more than usual so our experience of grandmothering has been mostly positive and fulfilling.

As we talked, stories were swapped proudly of cute things said, milestones reached, worries about the future and joys of the present. We spoke about how different we were as grandmothers from our own mothers and grandmothers, and yet in some ways how similar. We wondered how other women think and feel about being grandmothers. Has anyone asked them recently? Wheres the research on todays grandmothers? New Age Nanas was born.

For myself, one of the sweetest words I have ever heard is Nana. Grandmother to three wonderful boys my experience reflects the Welsh proverb that Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. Doreen and Sues book not only echoes my joys but explores through detailed research and interviews the wide ranging experiences of a thousand grandmothers. Reflecting on the changing role of modern women and the new status the birth of grandchildren brings, they provide an insightful view of the rarely documented vicissitudes of this group of women.

Comments from the many interviewees provide an intimate account of relationships with both grandchildren and children. They provide a spectrum of views that reflect not only the positive but the often difficult and fraught nature of these relationships not every grandmother finds gratification in her role.

New Age Nanas, Being a grandmother in the 21st Century is written with warmth, honesty and wisdom; it induces tears and laughter as it breaks down the grandmotherly stereotypes of earlier times as it applauds the capacity and importance of grandmothers and the unique possibilities that this role brings.

Zelda Rosenbaum
Film and Television Producer and Grandmother

In todays world of complex family life, the place of grandmothers has shifted. Still the one who can give care and love unconditionally, they have to negotiate new relationships with their now grown-up children, carefully treading the line between offering help and interfering, being useful yet not exploited, dealing with children who become adolescents in a new digital age. This book gives clear voice to a wide range of new grandmothers, realistic about what they can do yet overwhelmingly delighted with their new role, forging new links across the generations as the glue that often holds fragile families together.

Dr Donald E Edgar, OAM
Founding Director of the Australian Institute of Family Studies

A very loving, if slightly fatigued nana once said the national flag should depict a triumphant grandmother. At last, a book that tells us why. The authors research shows the importance of todays Australian grandmas active, creative, devoted and their mostly joyful experience of this rewarding stage of their lives.