Michael Thompson - Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow

Every parent dreads letting children go. Partly, we dread it because we lack a clear road map of how and when to do it. Homesick and Happy changes that. It is a powerful and very accessible book that helps build maturity and resilience in our childrenand in parents, as well! I highly recommend this book to every parent of a boy or girl who is ready to take the next step, and I equally recommend it for every young person ready to do the same.

M ICHAEL G URIAN , author of
The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls

I am constantly asked how to help kids become more assertive, independent, and confident. Here is a compelling response: good old-fashioned summer camp. If youre on the fence about sending your child, or are too anxious to consider it, read this book now. Michael Thompson is back with a compelling argument for the brawn and bonds that only camp can give a child. Youll be signing yours up before you make it through the first chapter.

R ACHEL S IMMONS , former director of
Girls Leadership Institute Summer Camp
and author of The Curse of the Good Girl

Michael Thompson understands children and their need for growth, exploration, and independence. And he also understands parents and their well-meaning, but often unreasonable, need to protect and shelter. With this deep understanding, a great sense of humor, and impeccable resources, he succeeds brilliantly in helping parents understand why children need time away from home and away from them why children given the right opportunities at summer camp can rise above those minor bouts of homesickness and create the most extraordinary memories. And he also succeeds in generating just a touch of envy in the hearts of all those parents who read Homesick and Happy for the great fun their kids are going to have.

H ARRIET L OWE , editor in chief, Camping magazine

Parents and schools both play an important role in helping children on their developmental journey to adulthood. In Homesick and Happy, Michael Thompson has the courage to remind us that sometimes we parents and we educators must step back to leave space for the magic that can only come from downtime and from time away from us.

P EG S MITH , CEO, American Camp Association

If you are trying to decide if you should send your child to camp, you should read Homesick and Happy. It explains how camp provides the safe challenges away from home that all children need as they move toward adulthood. If you have been to camp, you will enjoy the trip back. If you did not go to camp, you will understand why your child should.

A DAM N. W EINSTEIN , executive director,
American Camp Association,
New York and New Jersey

Both a sublime elegy on the pleasures of camp and an indispensable guide to drawing the most from those indelible days, this unique book grips like a novel and instructs like an authoritative text. A man who loved and loves camp himself, Michael Thompson pours his heart into these pages, along with his unsurpassed wisdom about children and their parents. Full of practical advice and unforgettable anecdotes, this book is an instant classic.

E DWARD M. H ALLOWELL , MD

Aaaah. I can almost hear the sighs of relief as parents read and absorb the message of Homesick and Happy. With his usual compassion and warmth, Michael Thompson helps parents let go of the imagined dangers that feed our anxieties, and avoid the real dangers of holding on to our children too tightly: timidity, fragility, lack of initiative, and risk-aversion. Children need adventures, and that means summer camp, school trips, overnightstime away from mom and dad. Children have known this since forever; Thompson makes that wisdom available to those of us who forgot it when we became parents.

L AWRENCE J. C OHEN , PhD, author Playful Parenting

I am grateful to the many people who, through personal interviews, phone calls, emails, letters, books, and research have shared their stories, their expertise, and their insight in these pages. Names and personal characteristics of some camp staff, former campers, parents, and children have been changed to disguise them. In some instances, additional details have been changed for the same purpose. Any resulting resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

A Ballantine Books eBook Edition

Copyright 2012 by Michael Thompson

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

B ALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks
of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Thompson, Michael.
Homesick and happy : how time away from parents can help
a child grow / Michael Thompson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN: 978-0-345-52493-5
1. Parental deprivation. 2. Parental overprotection.
3. Parent and child. 4. Self-confidence. I. Title.
BF723.P255T46 2012
155.4192dc23 2012004893

www.ballantinebooks.com

Cover design: Victoria Allen
Cover image: (boy, bed, doorway): Yellow Dog Productions/
Getty Images

v3.1_r1

CONTENTS

Introduction:
A New York City Boy Goes Back to Camp

INTRODUCTION

A New York City Boy Goes Back to Camp

H OW DID I GET HERE ? It is 9:15 P.M . on October 30, the day before Halloween. Cold winds are blowing off Lake Champlain and I am shivering in the dark woods as I pull on a bathing suit, preparing to jump into that bone-chilling water. No one sane in Vermont is swimming at this time of year. Im told the water is about fifty-two degrees, but thats warmer than the air temperature, which is in the high thirties, so even if I do manage to get myself into the waterand I have my doubts about whether I have the courage to do soI know it is going to be truly freezing when I get out.

I dont like cold water; I havent liked it for years. Im sixty-three years old. This is really not my thing and, now that I consider it, it never really was. Im a New York City boy. And this is a young mans game. I stupidly let myself be tricked into it by three men in their thirties.

An hour earlier, I was sitting on the ground around a campfire with Matt, Ben, and Neill, three outdoor educators. We were discussing the challenges they were devising for four boys, ages thirteen to seventeen, as part of an intense weekend mini-camp. While we were talking, the four boys for whom this weekend was designed were off in the woods, each one sitting alone, separated from the others, without a flashlight. They were completing the first of their formal challenges of that evening: experiencing their own thoughts in the dark and cold. The three counselors were talking about the ultimate challenge of the evening: a swim in Lake Champlain. And then they looked at me, the author, the overweight psychologist with the white beard, the observer there to study childrens camp experiences for the book he was writing.

We want to let you know that when the boys get back from their solitary sit in the woods, were going to challenge them to go into the lake, Matt said. And were all going to go in with them. We would never ask them to do something we wouldnt do. So were going all of us.