Rip Van Ripperton - Fart-o-Pedia: An Illustrated Encyclopedia of Flatulent Facts, Gassy Gags, And More!—300 Explosive Facts and Jokes!

Copyright 2021 by Bottle Cap Publishing, LLC.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-6668-6

E-Book ISBN: 978-1-5107-6823-9

Cover design by Kai Texel

Interior design by Melissa Gerber

Cover and interior illustrations by Anthony Owsley

Printed in China

Are you the queen of a vast empire?
Braaaaat! You fart.

President of a great nation?
Pffftpthfttttfffft! Nice one!

Albert Einstein?
E=emissions from the rear.

Adam and Eve?
They lived in the Garden of Fartin.

First man on the moon?
One small step for man, one giant fart for mankind.

George Washington?
He was the farter of our country!

Abraham Lincoln?
His friends didnt call him Stinkin Lincoln for nothing.

The president of Russia?
His name is Vladimir Putin (pootin).

Taylor Swift?
Someone pulled her finger and she wrote the song,
Look What You Made Me Do.

Maybe thats why farts are so funny. Its a reminder that no matter what our differences may be, we are pretty much the same. We have gas. We release that gas. That gas makes a funny noise when it comes out of our butts. (Just writing that made me giggle!) And... no one can escape farts. One person farts, and everyone knows about it. Its just how our bodies work.

SO... MAYBE iNSTEAD OF BEiNG EMBARRASSED ABOUT OUR TROUSER TOOTS, WE SHOULD BE LOUD AND PROUD AND REJOiCE iN OUR FOUL HOWLS FROM OUR BLASTiNG BUMS!!!

Thats what this book is all about. We give you all the proper words and terms to call your farts exactly the right thing. We have true stories of farts gone wild. We introduce you to people who fart for a living. We have rhymes to make you giggle and facts to make you think... all while you stink!
Sure, farts can be embarrassing. And yes, they

seem to have minds of their own. Farts can make folks feel uncomfortable. (Just watch peoples faces after someone lets loose a silent-but-deadly fart and fills the room with noxious gases.) But that doesnt mean that our gas shouldnt be celebrated and laughed at. And if any adults give you problems for reading a book about farts, just tell them its good for you. Youre learning to be comfortable with who you are as a global citizen of this big, wonderful, beautiful, farting planet.

HAVE A BLAST!

What is a fart?

A fart is a perfectly natural process that happens when gases from our intestinal tract and bowels build up and start looking for an easy way out. And that easiest way out is our butt. And unless youre a bird, octopus, jellyfish, and perhaps a sloth, you fart.

Why do we fart?

When we eat, we swallow more than just food. A lot of air gets swallowed as well. Some of that air makes its way to your digestive system. Meanwhile, other gases are created by tiny microbes in the large intestine as they take out the nutrients we need and leave the rest behind. All of these gases need someplace to go. Braaaaaaatttt! Yay, we farted. Different combinations of bacteria in the intestines and different combinations of food lead to all the different kinds of farts. For instance, any foods with sugar in it are the champion fart makers. See for foods that give you great gas.

Whats in a fart?

Glad you asked. Farts are sometimes called gas, because farts are full of different gases. Heres the breakdown:

58% nitrogen (odorless and tasteless, its the most plentiful element in Earths atmosphere)

21% hydrogen (odorless, tasteless, and flammable, its the H in H20)

10% carbon dioxide (one of the most important greenhouse gases linked to climate change, its a little stinky and has a sour taste)

6% methane (colorless, odorless gas that is one of the most destructive gases in terms of climate change)

5% oxygen (colorless, odorless gas essential to living organisms)

1% other chemicals (hydrogen sulfide, skatole, ammonia, and more)

What makes farts smell?

See that 1% on ? These other chemicals are what cause the stink. Hydrogen sulfide is a colorless but stinky and poisonous gas that smells like rotten eggs. So, when someone tells you that you are poisoning the air with your stink, they arent lying! Skatole is a chemical compound that gives farts and poop even more stink. Ammonia is yet another stinky gas. So, as you can tell, these are the gases that make your farts smell like farts. Think of it this way: If you break your farts into 100 pieces, only one of those pieces (1/100th) is what makes your farts stinky.