Tom Limbert - Dad’s Playbook: Wisdom for Fathers from the Greatest Coaches of All Time

BY

TOM LIMBERT

FOREWORD BY HALL OF FAME QUARTERBACK

STEVE YOUNG

To my wife, Eve, who shows me every day the value of enjoying your child. And to our son, Leo, who makes it easy.

M y father made me the man I am today. So it was only fitting that he introduced me when I was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I would never have made it there without his support and guidance. My dad, like any coach, has always stressed the fundamentals. He taught me responsibility, accountability, and the importance of hard work. As a teenager, when I wanted to start borrowing the car, my dad agreed under the condition I get a job so I could afford to put gas in it. Juggling a full load at school and the demands of three sports, I somehow found enough time to work at a local ice-cream store. It is lessons like these that have stuck with me. Though my father was tough, he was always in my corner, teaching me the value of hard work. He taught me that the most valuable lessons in life are learned through adversity. His motto on adversity was to always go through it, not around it. You dont learn by sitting back and watching. It is this strong foundation that gave me the ability to persist and achieve success in all facets of my life. When I became the starting quarterback for the 49ers and confronted adversity and doubt, I feared calling my dad. I knew he wouldnt give me an easy way out. I knew hed say, Endure to the end, Steve. Like any great coach, he is always trying to prepare me for challenges and encouraging me to reach my potential.

At home I was blessed with a strong role model for a father, and on the field I was equally blessed to have the best coaches an athlete could ask for. Each and every lesson a coach taught me has shaped me into the person and father I am today. At BYU, LaVell Edwards taught me the value of teamwork and execution: If you find the right people in the right places working together for common goals, success is inevitable. This power of unity certainly applies in a family.

In San Francisco, Bill Walsh added to what my father taught me about accountability. When I replaced Joe Montana and things werent going well, I started to believe the people who were saying it was all my fault. As the oldest sibling in a large family, I was used to taking responsibility for others. But Bill came to me and said, Look, youre stealing accountability from others. And teams will play much better if everyone is held accountable. So figure out ways where you can take your piece, and make sure others are allowed to take their piece as well. Although he was honest and direct, he said it in a way that was empathetic and nonjudgmental. He helped me understand that, in a team setting, everyone has to hold themselves accountable. It was clear he wanted what was best for me and for our team.

Now that I am a father of four, I find myself passing along to my children the values and messages learned from my father and coaches. My wife, Barb, and I both teach accountability and encourage unity. We instill our values in our children through patient and honest dialogue. When our older children want to play video games, they have to earn their time. There are certain things they can do to earn their time, and homework is not one of them. We tell them plainly that education is its own benefit. They earn their time by doing chores or performing actions that benefit the family. When our boys argue, we encourage them to talk to each other and work things out together. We tell them they have a long future together and will be best friends for life. Like my parents and coaches did for me, my wife and I make an effort to help our children understand their experiences and learn from them. Its what leaders do.

This book is all about leadership. Tom has collected more than one hundred quotes from some of the greatest coaches of all time and applied their principles and lessons to fatherhood. Each and every quote teaches and inspires. When Coach Krzyzewski advises us, Dont worry about losing, think about winning, the lesson in self-confidence and attitude is obvious. It certainly applies to our role as fathers, where confidence is key, and its also a great way to teach our children to think. You have to see the glass as half full. You have to keep moving forward. Adversity is inevitable. Faith is essential.

Tom applies these lessons and many more to our role as fathers. In this book, Tom inspires us to create an honest and supportive environment for our children. He encourages us to explain limits and rules to children and to lead by example. He reminds us that much like coaches, we are teachers. Its not lost on me. The first thing I did when I got to the microphone on the day of my induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame was thank my parents. Since becoming a father several years ago, I explained, I have become more fully appreciative of the role of mothers and fathers in life, and I thank both my parents for being such great examples and teachers to me. Now when our children encounter challenges, my wife and I do our best to get down to their level and explain why challenges are important, what matters, and why.

If there were a Hall of Fame for husbands and dads, Id make it my number one goal to get there. On the day I was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, just before I concluded my speech by thanking my wife, Barb, for all the sacrifices she has made for our family, I made a statement that I hope I can live up to. I said, I sincerely love my family and know that being a Hall of Fame husband and dad is what will eventually define my life. Its a lofty goal I know, but I believe a worthy one to shoot for. As Tom reminds us in this book, if we set lofty goals, our children will follow. Dads Playbook can help you be a Hall of Fame father for your children.

H ow many times have you heard a player refer to his coach as a father figure? The parallels between fathering and coaching are undeniable. Just as a coach wants his players and team to excel, you want your child and family to excel. Coacheslike parentsare charged with the important task of teaching, guiding, and motivating. And both must also walk the fine line between providing love and support and instilling discipline.

As teachers, leaders, and motivators, we as fathers can learn a lot from both the mistakes and triumphs of coaches. In this book I have collected more than one hundred of the most relevant and inspirational quotes from some of the greatest coaches of all time. These men have enjoyed tremendous admiration and success, and from them we can learn a great deal about leadership, confidence, discipline, unity, and motivation. Although none of the coaches intended these quotes to be applied to the task of parenting, when you read them in that context, the lessons and messages are unmistakably congruent and impactful.

Both coaching and parenting are extremely challenging jobs. It is only natural for us to admire a coach who exhibits strong leadership qualities. Occasionally we bear witness to a coachs weaker moments and are reminded that these esteemed leaders are, in fact, human. For instance, just a few days before I planned to submit my first draft of this book to my editor, I took a breather to catch some Monday night football. It was October 2010, and the Eagles were visiting the winless 49ers. There I was trying to get my mind off my deadline, when Mike Singletary got all up in the grill of his still-developing quarterback, Alex Smith, following a stalled drive. Sitting in the comfort of our couches at home, sheltered from the cascade of boos, myself and millions of other football fans witnessed a discouraged leader lose his composure in the heat of the moment. Singletary could not hide his disappointment and frustration. He didnt really seem to want to. When other players and coaches intervened to quell the escalating tension, I couldnt help but wonder if Singletary had ever read any Paul Bear Bryant quotesFind your own self in anything that goes bad came to mind. If he had, wouldnt he have assumed the responsibility for the errant passes and offered encouragement and insight instead? It was painfully obvious that the pressure of his job was taking a toll on him, deterring his ability to communicate and lead effectively. I know coaching at the NFL level is no easy job, but I found it ironic that the very week I planned to submit material to my editor about how dads should try be more like coaches, a coachs weaker moment was nationally televised.