Pat Craven - Living With the Dominator: A Book About The Freedom Programme

I have decided to write this book for all the people who for whatever reason have not been able to attend a Freedom Programme, or the training, but have asked for more information about it. It is basically a summary of the information given in the handouts and some that I give verbally. The book is not to be used to facilitate the Freedom Programme, but to provide information to individual readers.

The other aspect of the programme that I cannot give you is the camaraderie, friendship and fun that we get from attending a programme with a group of other people. So if you are a woman and it is possible for you to do so, please be inspired by this book to seek out a Freedom Programme near you. They are all free and run by wonderful welcoming women at venues across the U.K. A list of venues is provided with this book and this is updated regularly on my web site.

If you are a man who would like to change your behaviour, you too are most welcome to attend a programme near you. You can check the list of venues or look for updates on my web site. The men's programmes that I endorse are also run in a welcoming, friendly atmosphere and the men who have graduated say they enjoyed the experience.

I will begin by offering a short history of the programme. Between 1986 and 1996 I worked as a Probation Officer. During that time I worked with hundreds of violent men. For some of that time I was a parole officer. Some of these men had committed murder and were released into the community under a provision known then as 'Life Licence'. Most of the murderers I met were men who had killed their female partners or former partners. I also acted as chairwoman to the management committee of the local women's Refuge and worked in the Refuge itself during that decade.

During those years I believed I had some understanding about domestic violence. I now know how wrong I was! In 1996 I went to work on the Probation Service Programme for male perpetrators of violence against women. For two years I sat with groups of men who had assaulted, raped and even killed women. I listened to these men and I began to realise several things. To my horror I recognised that I had unwittingly colluded with every abusive man I had ever met.

I also began to understand that no one else who worked in my field seemed to have the information that I was getting from working with these men. The third thing I learned was that there is a very common misapprehension that a woman who has been abused has some understanding of what has happened to her. This is simply not true. When a woman is being subjected to abuse she feels that she is in the middle of a very confusing mess and that it must be somehow her fault.

These revelations had a profound effect on me. It was like being possessed! I was a fifty-year-old supposedly experienced Probation Officer. I now realised that I had been living in a world of illusion. I became determined to get this information to other professionals and most of all, to all the women who are experiencing domestic abuse.

I ran my first Freedom Programme for women in 1999. It was basically a copy of the perpetrators' programme. I ran it for women who were on probation for committing offences that I could now see were a result of being subjected to abuse. I needed crche facilities so I teamed up with a Social Services family centre and opened the programmes to any woman who wished to attend.

In 2002 I left the Probation Service to become a self-employed trainer. When I left I gave a sigh of relief at not having to work with abusive men any more. Wrong! Within weeks I received a request from a District Judge to provide a Freedom Programme for men. Soon I was back in the business of working with men.

I am writing this in 2007 and the men's programmes have been a great success. I judge that about sixty percent of the men who complete the programmes are changed. I also have reports from their female partners or former partners and from Social Workers and Health Professionals. The ideal situation is that the woman attends the Freedom Programme for women while the man is on the men's programme. If Social Services refer a man I will not accept him unless his partner has completed the Freedom Programme for women. I then invite her to observe the men's programme. This gives the women the knowledge they need to protect themselves and their children even if he does not change his behaviour. Recently two couples who have completed the programme have been reunited with their children.

During the last few years I have moved away from the concept of calling the men who attend my programmes 'perpetrators'. Instead I now present information to any man who is interested. I call them 'students' and give them a certificate of completion. This allows the programmes to be used in schools and to be part of a broader learning experience such as an open college network.

Initially I ran the men's programmes over twelve weeks. Some men did not complete the whole programme. This was often due to work commitments. Now I run them over two days, usually over a weekend. This has a visibly greater impact. I watch them changing. Most of them complete the whole programme. They are not allowed to discuss their personal circumstances. This means I do not waste time challenging victim blaming or minimisation. It also means that if a man is a genuine victim he can attend. Gay men can also feel comfortable. Male professionals such as Social Workers or Probation Officers can also join the men's weekend and use it as awareness raising training.

At the time of writing I provide training for facilitators and run weekend men's programmes. I also sell licenses to experienced facilitators so they too can train others to facilitate the programme. I am also in partnership with Certain Curtain Theatre Company and we put on conferences, which include performances of their wonderful play 'Lady in Red'.

All the information in this book comes from the thousands of men and women with whom I have worked since 1996.