Pat Craven - The Freedom Programme Home Study Course: A Supplement for the book Living with the Dominator

Welcome to the Freedom Programme. This workbook will help you to experience the programme and acquire the knowledge, that can help you live a safer happier life. It will help you if you are attending the programme by increasing your levels of understanding. If you cannot get to a Freedom Programme, then this workbook is a way of completing the course in your own time. Once you have finished it, you may be inspired to join a programme, if one is available. Completing the workbook is an excellent preparation for the course itself.

The workbook must be used in conjunction with the book Living With The Dominator. Please read it before starting the workbook. Then work steadily through the programme following the instructions on how to refer to the book. It is useful to read each chapter again before starting the appropriate section. Living With The Dominator can be bought from Amazon, Lulu, W.H. Smith and from my website, www.freedomprogramme.co.uk. Contact details for UK Freedom Programmes are also listed there on the home page of the web site in programme venues.

While doing this work, we may begin to realise how very abusive our current partner actually is. It is wise not to challenge him. Complete the course. Knowledge is power!

If you are thinking of leaving him, try to plan carefully. If you are in the UK, call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247. Women are also welcome to join the Freedom Programme chat room by clicking on the link to the Discussion Forum on my website www.freedomprogramme.co.uk.

1.2. Statistics quiz. How much do I remember from the book?
Tick the boxes. The answers follow so you can check your score.
The Quiz
1. Domestic violence accounts for
2% | 10% | 25% of all reported violent crime.

2. In Britain, a woman is killed by a violent partner or former partner every:
3 days | every week | every 2 weeks

3. It is estimated that
3% | 13% | 33%
of women experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

4. How many times on average is a woman assaulted before she seeks help?
5 | 15 | 35

5. On average, how many men a year are killed by their female partners or former partners?
22 | 52 | 112
6. On average, how many women a year are killed by their male partners or former partners?
12 | 52 | 112
7. How many womens refuges are there in England?
275 | 1000 | 5000
8. Is a woman:
less likely | just as likely | more likely
to be assaulted when she is pregnant?
9. Domestic violence happens because of
drink | drugs | stress | mental illness |
unemployment | power/control
10. What percentage of murder victims are men who have been killed by a partner or former partner?
4% | 40% | 80%
11. In Britain, police receive a complaint about domestic violence every
60 seconds | 6 minutes | 6 hours
12. In Britain, a woman is assaulted in her home every
6 seconds | 60 seconds | 6 minutes

THE ANSWERS

1. 25% of all reported crime (Amnesty UK, 2006)
2. Every 3 days (Home Office, 2007)
3. 25% (Home Office, 2007). My experience with the Freedom Programme leads me to believe it is higher. Many of us do not realise we are being abused.
4. 35 (Amnesty UK, 2006)
5. 22 (Home Office, 2007)
6. 112 (Home Office, 2007)
7. 275 (Womens Aid, 2004) and approximately 1500 animal refuges.
8. Women are 3 times more likely to be injured when pregnant (Refuge, 2007).
10. 4% (Home Office, 2001)
11. 60 seconds (The Day to count, 2000, Elizabeth A. Stanko)
12. 6 seconds (The Day to count, 2000, Elizabeth A. Stanko) Notes
Write your thoughts and feelings here to keep a record of your progress through the programme.

You will see from the statistics that most abusers are men and that they use abusive behaviour to keep us women under control. Now open your book at the picture of the Dominator on page 11. Read about each type of abuse. You can then add more examples of each type of abuse.

When you have done this, look at Mr Right on page 15. Read all the examples of non-abusive behaviour. We will return to study him in greater detail later in the course.

Question
Why do abusive men want to control us?
Check your answer with page 13 of Living with the Dominator
Sometimes we dont know what we believe. Sometimes we think we believe something when we actually believe something different.
Beliefs awareness exercise
Do I believe that is important to keep the air we breathe clean?
Do I drive a car?

If the answer to both questions is yes, what do I actually believe? It is possible that I believe that my own comforts and needs are more important than the need to have clean air.

Do I disapprove of bullying?

Have I ever shouted at my children, partner or the dog?
If the answer to both questions is yes, what do I really believe about bullying?

Do I believe in keeping my body healthy?

Do I smoke, drink or eat too much?

If the answer to both questions is yes, what do I really believe?
Do I believe women have a right to say no to sex?

Have I ever made a feeble excuse?

Have I huffed and puffed and sulked?

If the answer to two of the questions is yes, what do I really believe?
Congratulations! You have completed section 1. There is a lot to think about!
Notes
Write your thoughts and feelings here to begin to keep a record of your progress through the programme.

All the sections begin with a quiz about the dominator. Please write which aspect of the Dominator uses each tactic. You can cover the answers with a piece of paper until you have finished the quiz and then compare results. The aim of the quiz is not so much to get all the all the answers right, but more to help us to identify and name abusive behaviour when we see it.

1. Sulk
2. Tells me my tits are too small
3. Go out of the room when my friends visit
4. Tells me he only pushed me
5. Tells the kids I am stupid
6. Expect his dinner to be ready whenever he walks through the door
7. Invites my friend to have a threesome
8. Tells me he will kill himself if I leave

1. The Bully
2. The Headworker
3. The Jailer
4. The Liar
5. The Badfather
6. The King of the Castle
7. The Sexual Controller
8. The Persuader

2.2 Question Sheet for Session 2
After completing this work sheet you can check your answers on pages 17 25 of the book.

2.3. The tactics of the Bully
Make a list of as many as you can think of. You will need extra paper to complete this fully.
We are not asking for examples of violence. Concentrate on intimidation. How does the Bully use his body language to intimidate me? How does he use every bit of his body?
Think of his fingers, toes and eyes.
Dont ask what he says, but how he says it?

2.4. What does the Bully believe?
What does he believe about violence, real men and the status of women compared to men? Does he believe I need controlling/protecting?

2.5. Where do his beliefs come from and how are they reinforced?