Choate - Fighting For Our Lives: A memoir: The raw true story of one mothers fight for life for her and her baby

FIGHTING

For Our Lives

HEATHER CHOATE

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Fighting For Our Lives

Copyright 2015 by Heather Choate

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recorded, photocopied, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious and are a product of the authors imagination. Any similarity to persons living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

For Ben, the love of my life now and forever.

Table of Contents

Part One

Shock

Diagnosis

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Today I found out I have cancer. The lump I noticed in my left breast was biopsied last week. The results came in today.

Im ten weeks pregnant. I have five beautiful children. We are so excited to have our sixth. The kids have each picked out a name for the baby. Chance (6) loves the name Binga. Joseph (4) wants him to be Sonic (as in Sonic the Hedgehog).

Three months ago I noticed a lump in my left breast. I was still nursing Naomi at the time, so I thought it was probably related to that, like a clogged milk duct or something. Then a month ago, after we found out we were expecting our sixth child, it really increased in size. I scheduled an appointment with my midwife for an initial pregnancy checkup. She examined the lump and said we should get an ultrasound of it as well as an ultrasound of the baby to determine how far along I was.

Last Friday, we went in for the ultrasound. First, I saw our beautiful baby, healthy and well at ten weeks.

Then the sonographer looked at the lump. She took several shots then said she wanted to send these down to the breast center to have a specialist take a look at it. Moments later, I was following her down long twisting halls to meet with him. He did another ultrasound there and an exam. He said we needed to do a biopsy immediately. They took three tissue samples and sent them off to the lab. He told me how unlikely it was to be cancer, or "anything serious," because I'm so young and healthy.

On Wednesday, the midwife called me. "You have breast cancer," she said. She scheduled me to meet with the surgeon there in Durango the next day. "He'll want to discuss with you how the pregnancy hormones are going to affect the cancer."

Thursday, June 19, 2014

We went in to the surgeon specialist. He said, there is no doubt this is cancer. He then outlined their methods of treatment. Words like mastectomy and chemotherapy buzzed in my head. None of it felt real. It still doesnt. Now, he said, we want to talk about how the pregnancy plays into all of this. I held my breath. Literally. I dont think I inhaled for about thirty seconds. This was the part where he would tell us the alternative options. Chemotherapy, radiation and even hormone treatment would harm, if not kill, our baby. I was eager to hear what other answers there were to this.

I want you to consider terminating the pregnancy.

This hit me harder than anything else Id heard so far.

The doctor immediately went into a thorough, medical explanation. When you are pregnant, your body is flooded with progesterone, a growth hormone. It is great for growing babies, bad for tumors. Any malignant cells within your body will go on a feeding frenzy. He stopped and looked at us with us pale blue eyes. I understand you are LDS. From what I understand, the leaders of your church support abortion in cases where the mothers health and life are in danger.

He was right. That is the churchs official position.

I encourage you to talk to your bishop about this.

Silence.

I know its a lot to take in.

Yes, it is.

We recommend terminating the pregnancy, testing to see where the cancer is, how far it has spread and what stage it is. We will do chemotherapy and then a full or partial mastectomy followed by another round of chemotherapy. In three of four years, when you show no sign of cancer, you can try for pregnancy again and have a baby. With this plan, you prognoses looks good.

I looked at Ben. His face was flat, but his eyes swam with concern.

The doctor wasnt looking for an answer now, but I already had one. I turned to him. I looked right into his eyes. Well, I want you to know we will not be ending the pregnancy.

A frown flashed briefly across his face. Alright, he said, but I want to be perfectly clear about this. We will not be able to treat the cancer effectively during pregnancy. The cancer will grow. It will most likely spread. He explained the hormones effects upon the cancer cells once again as if we hadnt heard him the first time.

I really encourage you to talk with your bishop, he said again with great emphasis. He gave the same advice eight more times in our twenty minute visit.

How can we know how far the cancer has spread? Ben asked, never letting go of my hand.

There is no sure way of knowing unless we do the radiation testing, the doctor explained. We will biopsy Heathers lymph nodes as soon as possible. The lymph nodes are the gateway to the rest of the body. If the cancer has spread, it will most likely pass through there, but there is also a chance it may have spread without going to the lymph nodes.

So, as long as Heather is pregnant, we will have no way of knowing for sure.

That is correct.

We will do the biopsy and then, again, I really strongly suggest you go speak with your bishop.

The doctor urged the staff to get me in for the biopsy right away, but they were already booked up. We will go tomorrow. It will take two days to get the results.

So, thats what Im facing now. At the very least, a biopsy and full mastectomy. Im going to lose a boob. And thats so not even the important thing. Im terrified for the life and health of my baby. Ive always prided myself on being able to bear and deliver children so well.

Im too shocked to even realize what this all means right now I have cancer.

I will not abort my baby. There is no alternative in my mind. I understand why some people make that decision, but it is not one I can personally live with.

I would rather die than take the life of my child.

Thursday, June 19, 2014 (Later that day)

It's a gummy bear, no its an indistinguishable gray blob, no its a baby! Baby number six is on the way! Due January 9. We're very excited and feeling very blessed.