Jean Illsley Clarke - Connections: The Threads That Strengthen Families

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Page iii Connections The Threads That Strengthen Families Jean Illsley Clarke HAZELDEN INFORMATION & EDUCATIONAL SERVICES

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title	:	Connections : The Threads That Strengthen Families
author	:	Clarke, Jean Illsley.
publisher	:	Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin	:	1568383428
print isbn13	:	9781568383422
ebook isbn13	:	9780585148502
language	:	English
subject	Parent and child, Parenting, Communication in the family.
publication date	:	1999
lcc	:	HQ755.85.C577 1999eb
ddc	:	306.874
subject	:	Parent and child, Parenting, Communication in the family.

Page iv Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 1-651-213-4590 (Fax) www.hazelden.org 1999 by Jean Illsley Clarke Published 1999. All rights reserved Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher The epigraph to chapter 13 is reprinted with the permission of The Peters, Fraser and Dunlop Group. The quotation is reprinted from Cautionary Verses (London: Random House UK Ltd.). Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Clarke, Jean Illsley. Connections : the threads that strengthen families / Jean Illsley Clarke. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 1-56838-342-8 1. Parent and child. 2. Parenting. 3. Communication in the family. I. Title. HQ755.85.C577 1999 306.874dc21 99-35167 CIP 03 02 01 00 99 6 5 4 3 2 1 Author's Note The stories in this book are true. Names and situations have been changed to protect the privacy of those who shared them. Some cases are a composite of events. My sincere thanks to all of you who gave me permission to use your stories. Cover design by David Spohn Interior design by Will Powers Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc.

Page v To all of you who are connected with me and have taught me about connections.

Page vii CONTENTS Preface xiii Acknowledgments xix Introduction: Why a Book about Connection? xxi Section I: Time-In: Ways to Connect Chapter 1: Time-In, Time-With, Time-Out: Looking at Time in a New Way 3 Time; Time-In; The Myth of Quality Time; Using Time Our Way; The Four Puzzle Pieces of Time-In; No Best Puzzle Piece; Time Enough Chapter 2: Attend 10 The Four Pillars of Attending; Discounting The Opposite of Attending; If You Have Been Discounting; What Are Some of the Ways We Attend?; What to Attend To; Teaching Children to Attend Chapter 3: Ask 24 Learn to Listen; What If I Ask, but They Don't Respond?; How Asking Builds Connection Chapter 4: Act 39 The Many Ways We Act; How Do Children Respond?; Some Actions Are Continuous; Celebrate Family Rituals

Page viii Chapter 5: Amend 51 What Making Amends Means; Making Amends to Children; Helping Children Make Amends Chapter 6: Putting the Four A's Together 60 Using All Four PiecesLaughing at Hurts Section II: Discipline That Builds Connection Chapter 7: Time-In for Discipline 67 To Discipline Is to Teach; Advantages of Using Time-In for Discipline; Steps for Using Time-In for Discipline; Ask, Act, Attend, Amend (In Any Order); Ask and Act Puzzle Piece Stories; How to Start Using Time-In for Discipline Chapter 8: What about Time-Out? 79 What Is Time-Out?; Time-Out as Punishment; Advantages of Time-Out; When There Are Problems with Time-Out; Time-Out as Connection

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