John Patrick Shanley - 13 by Shanley: Thirteen Plays

Enter Danny, with a pitcher of beer and a glass. He sits at the other. His hands are badly bruised, and one of his cheeks is cut. He pours himself a beer. A moment passes. Danny: How bout a pretzel? Roberta: No.

Theyre mine. Danny: You aint gonna eat all of em. Lemme have one. Roberta: Fuck off. Danny: All right. Roberta: You wanna pretzel? Danny: Yeah.

Roberta picks up the bowl, takes it to Dannys table, and goes straight back to her seat. Roberta: You can have em. Im finished with em. Danny: Thanks. Roberta: Youre welcome. Danny: You want some of my beer? Roberta: No.

Danny: Some fuckin bar. Nobody here. Roberta: Thats why I like it. Danny: Whats the matter? You dont like people? Roberta: No. Not really. Danny: Me neither.

Roberta: What happened to your hands? Danny: Fight. Roberta: Whod you fight? Danny: I dont know. Some guys last night. Tonight too. Roberta: Two fights? Danny Yeah. Roberta: How come? Danny: I dont know.

Guys bother me, I start swinging. Roberta: I dont get it. Did they say something to you? Danny: ( Exploding. ) Who the fuck asked you to get it! Aint none a your fuckin business I lock horns with anybody! Nobody crosses my fuckin line, man! They can do what they want out there, but nobody crosses my fuckin line! Roberta: All right. Danny: They asked me where I was going. Roberta: Who? Danny: The guys I was fighting tonight.

Roberta: They asked where you were going. Danny: Thats right. So I decked the first guy. Hit him in the nose. You hit em in the nose, they cant see. Roberta: Why not? Danny: I dont know.

But its true. Roberta: All right. Danny: But while I was hittin on him, the other guy got me with his belt. Roberta: That musta hurt. Danny: Yeah. I made him eat that fuckin belt! Roberta: Where you from? Danny: Zerega.

Roberta: Yeah? I used to catch frogs from over at Zerega. Danny: Aint no frogs round Zerega. Roberta: Not now. When I was a kid. Danny: Aint never been no frogs round Zerega. Roberta: Yes, there was.

There used to be a little like marsh over on Zerega, and it had frogs in it. Danny: When? Roberta: A long time ago. Danny: How olds that make you? Roberta: Thirty-one. Danny: Im twenty-nine. When I turn thirty Im gonna put a gun in my mouth and blow my fuckin head off. Roberta: Do it in the bathroom.

Its easier to clean up. Danny: Im gonna do it! Roberta: Why you say a thing like that? Danny: I dont know. Roberta: Aint no different to be thirty. Danny: Its gotta be different. Roberta: Im thirty-one. Danny: I heard ya.

Thats you! Me, Im twenty-nine and I cant stay the way I am for too fuckin long. Roberta: Why not? Danny: Cause I cant! Roberta: You from Zerega whaddaya doing here? Danny: Theres nothing goin on over Zerega. Roberta: Nothing going on here. Danny: Yeah, well maybe I like that. Peaceful. Roberta: You dont look peaceful to me.

Danny: Im peaceful. But people fuck with me. Roberta: Why dont you come over, sit with me. Danny: I dont wanna. This is good where I am. Roberta: All right.

Danny: Im sorry. Roberta: Thats all right. Danny: Is that guy looking at me? Roberta: Who? Fred? No, hes sleeping. Hes drunk. Cant you see, his mouths open. Danny: Oh, yeah.

Theres light on his glasses. I couldnt see his eyes. I thought he was looking at me. Roberta: What if he was? Danny: Id beat his fuckin face in. They both laugh. Danny: You from here? Roberta: Yeah.

Danny: Where? Roberta: Right up the block. Danny: What, you married? Roberta: Divorced. Danny: Gotta kid? Roberta: Yeah. Danny: Whos takin care of the kid? Roberta: My mother. My mother always takes care of the kid. Danny: Thats a good deal.

Roberta: Yeah. You gotta friend, you know, a girlfriend? Danny: No. Roberta: No? Danny: We broke up. Roberta: What was her name? Danny: Cecilia. Roberta: Italian? Danny: Yeah. Roberta: Im Italian.

Danny: She gave me a pain in my ass! She was very fine, but shed make me go to her house. Sit around with her fuckin parents. And shed talk in this totally fuckin phoney-ass way when her parents were around. Would you like a glass of soda, Danny? Oh, please be careful with your cigarette, Danny. Like she wasnt the same one I humped inna pay toilet! Im sorry. I gotta bad mouth.

Roberta: Maybe she had to play phoney cause her parents were drivin her crazy? Danny: I dont think so. Roberta: I hate my father. If I thought I wouldnt get in bad trouble Id take a big knife and stab him in the face about fifty times. Danny: I hate my father, too. Roberta: Yeah? Danny: Hes dead, but I hate him anyway. He was a meatpacker.

He used to get real mad all the time. One time he got so mad cause somebody did something, that he just fuckin died. Roberta: I wish my father would die. He was the one who made me get married. This guy I knew got me pregnant. I was like eighteen.

And my father made me get married to him. He wasnt a bad guy. We moved into this apartment. I was scared. But it was nice, too. I started, you know, to decorate.

And then my parents started comin over all the time. This is how you put up curtains. This is how you wash the floor. My fuckin mother started cookin the fuckin meals! And this guy, my husband, he was like, What the fuck is goin on? His parents were cool. Just like called once in a while on the phone. I felt so bad.

Sick in the morning. Mother knockin on the door by twelve oclock. My father comin in after work. And the guy, my husband, when he got there. It was like, Who the fuck are you? Danny: Whats your name? Roberta: Roberta. Danny: Mines Danny.

Roberta: Sometimes I just start screaming, you know? For no reason at all. My mother thinks Im crazy. Maybe youre right. Maybe I shoulda shot myself in the head when I turned thirty. Danny: You want some beer? Roberta: Sure. Danny brings over pitcher, pours some beer, and then goes back to his table.