Meredith Masony - Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood

I dedicate this book to The Business Manager, aka my husband, and my three delightful blessings: Matias, Sophia, and Brian.

Being a wife and mother is only part of who I am; however, you will always have my entire heart.

INTRODUCTION Welcome to Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood

My name is Meredith, and I am an unfiltered mom who has inappropriate thoughts. What I mean by this is that I discuss the tough topics that arise from parenting, including but not limited to: smears on light switches, cracked nipples from breastfeeding, level-seven meltdowns in the Target toy aisle, hemorrhoids, where babies come from, the puberty, the smells related to the puberty, and so much more. I have three kids, one husband, and a dog who smells like a fish. Between working, doing 800 loads of laundry and dishes each day, and trying to and failing at keeping everyone happy, I am barely keeping it together. I dont believe in balance when it comes to work life and home life. I believe in making choices and finding perspective so that I can chase my dreams and keep my family from being the next set of contestants on Naked and Afraid: Family Edition. There are plenty of days that I never get out of my jam-jams, but I manage to get what needs to be done done. I love connecting with women, moms, and wives on subjects ranging from potty training and breastfeeding to puberty and the sex talk. Making videos while venting about the daily grindbeing the family maid, cook, errand runner, and car pooler, all while keeping my husband happy above and below the sheetshas been an amazing blessing for my family and has brought women seeking connection, commiseration, and a good laugh to my internet doorstep. To my delight, this community has become a beacon of hope for moms who need support, a good laugh, and honest relatability in the chaotic universe that is Motherhood.

In the fall of 2014, I was spending way too much time on Facebook. At first, I was amazed at how perfect all of my real-life friends were. I would scroll my newsfeed in complete and utter wonderment, thinking, Holy crap! I had no idea my friends were so well put together. I mean, I see them at work and they are a complete disaster. Here on Facebook they have the most perfect lives.

I saw the perfect Caribbean vacation pictures, flawless family portraits, crisp craft projects, delicious home-cooked meals, and so much more. What had me audibly sighing in disbelief, even more than the Martha Stewartinspired Thanksgiving cornucopias decorated with Papyrus decoupage, were the romantic sentiments and gestures from couples spewing love bombs at each other on their timelines.

To my greatest love, William. You are my everything. Each minute with you is magical and makes my heart skip a beat. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Susan

First of all, get outta here, Susan. No one loves anyone or anything that much. Okay, maybe I love wine that much, but COME ON! Who on earth says these things? Lets be honest, Ive met William and we have discussed the fact that he clips his toenails at the dinner table. The more time I spent online, the more I wondered if I was a failure (even if I knew William was no great catch). With so much perfection out there, where on earth did I fit in? If I had to measure up to these standards, it clearly meant I was failing at parenting, marriage, life in general, and of course, Papyrus decoupage.

I had no idea that at the age of 34, I would have the opportunity to be blessed with a tumor that would change my life. At the time, of course, I didnt think the tumor was a blessing. I was scared. I was alone in my head. I was wallowing in self-pity. However, realizing that I might die in my mid-30s, with three young children and a husband who would need some substantial help in the dating arena, forced me to put the proverbial pen to paper. I decided I couldnt take it anymore. I was going to get rid of the filter and write about all of the taboo topics of parenting: marriage, relationships, sex, you name it. I had been holding it in for so long and it was time to release the pressure. I let the words flow. The raw words. The tired words. The words that lived in my head that I was so scared to show anyone, let alone the internet. I shared the real side of parenting. The side that makes your brain hurt. The side that isnt camera-ready. The side that makes all of us feel inferior, like shells of ourselves. I wrote about the issues I faced with my children. I discussed my marriage, including the marriage bed. I even wrote a post about my sons autism diagnosis before I had told my immediate family. I decided that it was important to let it all hang out. Like really hang out.

And slowly but surely, I started to get messages from women who were struggling just like I was. I wasnt alone after all. There were others out there on their own lonely desert islands, quietly tracing the letters S.O.S. in the spilled Cheerios on the kitchen floor at 6 A.M.

And then I started creating videos. I had never shot a video before in my life, but I knew that I needed to find another way to connect with my community. I started shooting video on my MacBook and watched a few YouTube clips, learning how to edit. My first videos were cringe-worthy to say the least, but I felt like the best way to connect to other moms was to show my face. My first viral video was What Moms Actually Want for Mothers Day. My husband had left that week on a golf trip, and had the nerve to call me to see if he could stay a few more days, potentially missing Mothers Day. I was not impressed, and so I decided to shoot a video about the things I really wanted on Mothers Day. As a mom, I am on the clock 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I wanted a day off. Yup, a day off from butt wiping, snack making, laundry washing, cooking, cleaning, you name it. I wanted to sit by the pool and sip mimosas. I wanted to be taken to brunch, lunch, and dinner. I wanted to be left alone, and I wanted it to be quiet. It was amazing to watch how quickly people were reacting to the video. Women were tagging their husbands in the post and begging for a day off. Men were laughing, saying, Dont you want to be with your kids? The video was picked up by NBC, FOX, CBS, and several other networks. By Mothers Day, it had been viewed over 10 million times. I was in shock. My Facebook page, which had 3,000 followers at the beginning of May, now had over 60,000 followers. I knew I was on the right track.

I loved making videos. It was unbelievably freeing to cover topics like the realities of married sex, things you can say to your toddler and your drunk friend, taking a phone call when your kids are home, getting my kids to go to bed, and whats it like when a man has a cold, and people kept watching. These videos were either loved or hated, and it made me realize that people could relate to my struggles, because they were also struggling. They had a child who acted as though he had never been told to go to bed before. They had a husband who assumed death was imminent the second he sneezed. These women were my people. They got me. Like really fucking got me. To. The. Motherfucking core! My videos were shared, stolen, syndicated by news networks, and featured on the Today show, GMA, and Morning Express on HLN with Robin Meade. My Facebook page exploded to over 200,000 followers in that period of time. Two hundred thousand people who felt like I felt. Who cried in the closet at the end of the day. Who knew what it was like to be exhausted by motherhood, while conflicted with how much joy and love it also brought.