Meredith Efken - SAHM I Am

1. With which one of the characters do you most strongly identify? Why? How does that make you feel?

2. The Green Eggs and Ham girls (Dulcie, Jocelyn, Phyllis, Brenna and Zelia) have close friendships, despite knowing each other only through the Internet. How do you think they developed that relationship? What are some cultural barriers we face today in forming close friendships? How can we overcome these barriers, and how important is it to do so?

3. Which character is the voice of the many expectations placed on women and men? What are some expectations you feel pressured to meet, and how do you feel about this? Where do these expectations come from and why do they exist? How reasonable are they? What do you think can be the result from trying to perform to these standards?

4. During the weekly discussion concerning what books the SAHM I Am loop members are reading, there is a lot of talk about nonfiction versus fiction and the relative merits of each. Compare the attitudes of Rosalyn and Connie on this subject with Phylliss view of it. What does it mean for a book to nourish the soul, and what books have you read that have accomplished that in your life? What role, if any, does entertainment play in this nourishing process?

5. During a discussion on what their lives were like before they had children, Phyllis makes this comment: I love my children. I love my husband. But there are days when I feel like I am living their lives instead of my own. And I have a feeling that some morning, after theyre grown or gone, Im going to wake up and realize my life ended a long time ago, that Phyllis Lorimer died without anyoneincluding menoticing. In what ways can you identify with this statement? How can we balance our own individuality and personhood with the demands of caring for our families or fulfilling other responsibilities? Why is it so difficult to find time to maintain this balance? What happens if we neglect this balance and either live totally for ourselves or totally for other people?

6. What is the source of most of Dulcie and Toms marital conflicts? If you were Becky (Toms sister) or one of Dulcies friends, what advice would you give them about their relationship with each other?

7. Dulcies self-image is a constant source of stress for her. What aspects of your own self-image are a struggle for you? From where do our unrealistic expectations of ourselves come? What can we do about it? What does Dulcie mean when she says, Theres more to being content with myself than fitting into a certain clothing size?

8. Think about the characters in this story who have been, or will be, touched by adoption in some form or another. Do you know people who are part of this adoption triangleadoptee, adoptive parent or birth mother? What are some of their feelings about adoption? How are their experiences, or the ones of the characters in this book, different than the typical portrayal of adoption in the media or in books? What do you think about the following conversation between Brennas husband, Darren, and their daughter, Madeline, regarding her new understanding of adoption?

Well, I was thinking on the bus about it. And its sort of like God, you know?

God? In what way, squirt?

Well, you know, like how God made us part of His familywhen were born again. Thats what they say at church. So, are we adopted, Daddy? Are we?

9. Brenna and Darren struggle with accepting Darrens infertility. Both male and female infertility can be devastating for a couple who desire a child. Why is this? How do you think our culture (both secular and Christian) views people who are infertile? What should our response be toward someone in this position? How can we create a more accepting and supportive environment for people dealing with this problem?