Yukio Mishima - Life for Sale

When Hanio regained consciousness, everything around him dazzled so brightly he thought he might be in heaven. But a splitting headache lingered at the back of his skull. Surely there were no headaches in heaven.

The first thing that came into view was a large frosted-glass window. The window was featureless, and it overflowed with whiteness.

Looks like hes come round, someone said.

Thank goodness for that! Saving someones life always puts a spring in your step for the rest of the day.

Hanio raised his eyes. Standing before him were a nurse and a stocky man in a paramedics uniform.

Come on, now. Calm down. Now is no time to be thrashing around. The nurse went to hold him down by his shoulders.

It dawned on Hanio that his attempt at suicide had failed.

He had consumed a large amount of sedative on the last overground train that evening. To be precise, he gulped it down at a drinking fountain in the station before boarding the train. And no sooner had he stretched out on the empty seats than everything went blank.

Suicide was not something he had put much thought into. He considered it likely that his sudden urge to die arose that evening while he was reading the newspaperthe edition for November 29at the bar where he normally ate dinner. It contained the run-of-the-mill sort of stuff, of no special significance. All the articles left him totally cold:

Ministry of Foreign Affairs Official Is a Spy

Three Places Raided, Including JapanChina Amity Association

Secretary McNamara Transfer: Final Decision

Smog Covers Metropolitan Area: First Winter Warning

Haneda Airport Explosion: Prosecution Seek No-Limit Sentence for Aonos Heinous Crime

Truck Plunges onto Railway Track, Collides with Goods Wagon

Transplant Success: Girl Receives Aortic Valve from Deceased Donor

900,000 Snatched: Robbers Steal from Kagoshima Bank Branch Office

It must have been after reading these that he had hit on the idea of suicide, as if he were planning a picnic. If he were forced to come up with a reason, he could only conclude that he had attempted to end it all on a complete whim.

He was not suffering as the result of some romantic break-up. And even if his heart had been broken, Hanio was not the type to take his own life. Nor did he have any serious financial problems at the time. He worked as a copywriter, and the jingle in that TV commercial for Goshiki Pharmaceuticals Fresh and Clear digestive aid was one of his: Fresh and Clear. Couldnt be simpler. Cured before you know it.

People considered him talented enough to strike out on his own, but he lacked any desire to do so. He worked for a company called Tokyo Ad, and the salary they paid him was good enough. Until the previous day, he had personified the honest, hardworking company employee.

But when he really thought about it, maybe there was a reason why the idea of suicide had come to him. He had been skimming through the evening paper with such little concentration that the inside page slithered right down under the table.

He watched it go, the way an indolent snake might observe its old skin, just shed. The next moment he felt the urge to pick up the page. He could have left it lying there. Perhaps it was social convention that compelled him to retrieve it, or maybe he was driven by a more serious determination to restore order in the world. He was not exactly sure. In any case, he stooped under the small, wobbly table and stretched out his hand.