Murphy Colin - 20 Things to Do In Dublin Before You Go For a Feckin Pint

Other sights nearby:Dublinia, adjoins Cathedral. Temple Bar, 100m. Dublin Castle, 300m. St. Patricks Cathedral, 400m.

Heres the chance for a bit of spiritual sustenance before you begin drinking religiously. Well, ok, you dont have to be even remotely religious to enjoy a trip to Christ Church Cathedral, whose history dates back almost a thousand years. In fact, atheists, agnostics and even fruitcake scientologists will pass an agreeable hour or so here. Its got a ginormous spooky crypt, the theft of a guys heart and even a mummified cat chasing a rat. What more could you ask for to whet your appetite?

The History bit

Christ Church Cathedral was designed to be seen from the River Liffey, atop a hill overlooking the original settlement of Dublin. So naturally, Dublin City Council decided to build their Civic Offices right in front of it, virtually obliterating that view. But more of those gobshites anon.

The original church dates from 1028, when Sitric, the Viking king of Dublin, took a trip to Rome, where he clearly got some form of divine inspiration, either that or he had his arse kicked by the Pope, and hightailed it back to Dublin where he built the first, wooden, Christ Church. At the time this was the heart of the emerging city, and the Viking settlement was situated just below the slope on which the building sits, at Wood Quay. But in the seventies, and in the face of a massive campaign of protest, Dublin City Council decided to build their offices on the quay, which was among the most important archaeological sites in the country. That was bad enough, but the two concrete bunkers they put up were as revolting to the eye as a slappers make-up.

Later they built another section of their offices in front of these, which was slightly less repulsive, and you get the feeling looking at them that they were designed to sort of hide the original embarrassing monstrosities. Anyway, that construction, along with the development of a four-lane motorway on the south side of the Cathedral, virtually obliterated all that was left of the original medieval arrangement of narrow streets. Nice work, chaps. Gobdaws.

One of Irelands most renowned saints, St Laurence OToole, laid the foundation stone to replace the wooden structure in the twelfth century. After he died in Normandy, his heart was preserved in a heart-shaped wooden box and returned to the church where it could be viewed until March 2012, when it was stolen, suspicion falling on rare artefact thieves. It puts a new twist on stealing someones heart away.

King Henry ll of England, who famously ordered the murder of Archbishop Thomas Becket in Canterbury Cathedral, attended the Christmas service in Christ Church in 1171 the first time he received communion after the murder, which made everything alright then.

Late in the century, Strongbow, one of the leaders of the Norman invasion of Ireland, would help to fund the completion of the Cathedral, for which he was rewarded with a tomb there after hed kicked the bucket. The tomb was destroyed when the roof collapsed in the sixteenth century, and his remains were relocated, but the tomb effigy, which is in the church nave, is said to contain some of his organs, although which ones doesnt bear thinking about. There is a strange half figure adjoining the tomb, and legend goes that it is the tomb of his son, who he cut in half after he failed to show courage in battle. Lovely man. But like most legends, this is probably a half-truth.

The King who became a kitchen Spit-turner

Christ Church once had its very own coronation of a King of England. In the late fifteenth century an Oxford priest called Richard Simon happened to notice that a pupil of his Lambert Simnel, a bakers son, bore a strong resemblance to the Earl of Warwick, who was the same age and was a claimant to the throne of Henry Vll. When Simon, who was part of a plot to place a Yorkist on the throne of England, heard that Warwick had died while imprisoned in the Tower of London, he started spreading rumours that Warwick had actually escaped and was under his guardianship. With support from the Yorkists, he fled to Ireland with Lambert Simnel and there presented the no-doubt bemused kid as the heir apparent to the effective leader of Ireland, the Earl of Kildare. Kildare either bought the story or was willing to go along as an excuse to get rid of King Henry, and so Simnel was crowned as King Edward VI in Christ Church Cathedral on 24 May 1487. Cheering Dubs outside celebrated the new Kings coronation. Kildare then raised an army with Yorkist allies in England and launched an attack on England, with Simnel as their figurehead, the kid most likely crapping in his long johns as he saw Henrys army approach. They clashed at the Battle of Stoke Field and Henrys army was victorious. Of the defeated, most lost their heads, although Kildare was pardoned, as Henry thought he might need him later to help rule Ireland. Simon escaped the axe because he was a priest, but spent the rest of his life in jail. Henry was merciful to Lambert Simnel who he decided had just been a puppet in the Yorkist plot, so instead gave him a job in the royal kitchen. One minute he was a king, and the next he was turning a hog on a spit over a blazing fire. He probably considered himself lucky that he wasnt occupying the place of the hog.

Unfortunately, the head-the-balls who designed the original church had decided to put the foundations in a peat bog oops. Surprise, surprise, almost the entire thing collapsed in 1562. Only the north wall of the original structure survived and it visibly leans dont jump up and down if youre standing under it. The building stayed much like that for a few centuries until it was completely rebuilt in the nineteenth century. The church across the road was demolished and the Synod House erected there and the two were joined by an iconic arched walkway. As a result of all the demolition and rebuilding nobody knows which are the original bits and which are the new bits, so Michael Jackson would probably have felt at home there.

Things to see

After youve had a quick look at the magnificent stonework in the church interior and a quick gawk at the tomb of Strongbow , head for the twelfth-century crypt, which is the oldest surviving structure in Dublin. At sixty-three metres, it is the longest crypt in Ireland or Britain, so it had plenty of room for lots of stiffs and loads of creepy tales. If it looks vaguely familiar thats because it was used for filming numerous scenes in The Tudors, although none of the nudie bits. You can actually hire it out for wedding receptions and Christmas parties, where some of the revellers will no doubt attempt to recreate a few of the X-rated scenes from the TV series when they get a little too pissed.