Tidd - Confessions of a mediocre widow: Or, how I lost my husband and my sanity

L ife can change in the blink of an eye.

As a mother of three, Ive seen those changes in action. One day a kid is barely walking and talking, and the next shes tripping over her Stride Rite shoes and yelling Shit! just before her head hits the corner of the coffee table. One day shes running away from the boys on the playground, and the next shes waiting by the phone for them to call. And any mother will tell you that one day your son is in one size, and then the next morning when youre dressing him for school, his pants are an inch too short.

Ive figured out that the most obvious kind of change seems to happen in the blink of an eye. Thats the type of change that other people can see and are comfortable with (even if its an uncomfortable change) because it can be labeled and categorized.

Its a growth spurt!

Its hormonal.

Her husband just died. Give her time. Shell be back to her old self in a few months.

The other kind, the deep-down kind, takes more time and more patience. Thats the kind of change that you dont realize has happened until you look back a few years later and think, Was that me ? And youre stunned to realize that you and the person you abandoned years ago without giving her a second thought are one and the same.

All of my big changes were gradual. Oh, sure. You could say that my husbands death was in the blink of an eye, and I wouldnt argue with you. You could say that that moment, that blink, was what changed my life forever. You could say that the second I heard the words, Hes not going to make it, I became an entirely different person.

And youd be right.

But the change into the person I became didnt happen in that moment. It didnt happen as I was riding in the passenger seat of my mothers minivan on the way home from the hospital after hearing those words. And it didnt happen at the funeral.

In a way it happened all at once. And in another way it took years.

As with all life changes, at some point you have to own who and what you are. You have to accept it so that you can move forward and become who you are meant to be. So here goes.

Im Catherine. And I am a widow.

No one says when theyre ten years old, Hey! You know what? Ive decided to become a doctor when I grow up. No wait! An astronaut. Better yetIll be a widow! That will amaze everyone !

But Im betting that through this unwanted education, Ive learned more about life my lifethan I would have as a doctor or an astronaut. Ive learned about loss, love, and how to truly pursue happiness. Ive learned how to look at someone who may not be making the decisions I would and say, Why does it matter? Their journey is all their own. I have a masters in grief with an emphasis in empathy. And Im not afraid to use it.

And like all widows out there, Ive got a story that is in some ways completely my own.

And in some ways, its the story of millions.