Andrea Syrtash - Cheat On Your Husband (with Your Husband): How to Date Your Spouse

The overall message of this book is an important one: Dont give up! Good relationships take a lot of work, and this book provides an insightful combination of stories, practical advice, and useful strategies for making the most of your relationship.

Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.,
editor and creator of www.ScienceOfRelationships.com

With her trademark wit and wisdom, Syrtash serves up a useful collection of observations and tips about how to improve marriageand whose marriage cant use some improvement? Particularly poignant is the reminder that to continue to be turned on and excited by her own marriage, a woman needs to reconnect with her own exciting self.

Esther Rosenfeld, family law mediator

Andrea Syrtash offers some of the most practical approaches to dating that Ive ever seen. She takes the guesswork out of it and teaches you how to lead with your heart. When I read her advice, Date the person, not the potential, it made me smile. Get her book today... and youll be smiling, too!

Lisa Nichols, bestselling author of
No Matter What! and featured teacher in The Secret

As someone who married her nontype, I can confidently say that Andrea nailed the process of how to mindfully date men who recognize and encourage you to be the best version of yourselfand never (okay, rarely) look back on the chumps who came before.

Kristina Grish, author of The Joy of Text and Boy Vey!

Written from a place of deep caring and experience, Syrtash points out that what we think we want, and whats really good for us, are often two different things. If this wise book doesnt jolt you out of your old, broken dating patterns, nothing else will.

Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and coauthor of Why Youre Still Single

This book is dedicated to jugglersthose of you who manage to juggle all of your many responsibilities to your family, career, community, and, hopefully, to your own personal expression.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN

Chapter One: This Is Your Brain on Love
(Its All about Chemistry. Literally.)

Chapter Six: Cheating On Your Husband
(with Someone Whos Not Your Husband)

D o you remember the way your husband looked at you when you first started dating him? Chances are you looked at yourself differently then, too. Whether you were 13 or 30 at the time, odds are you felt like a teenager.

Im certain that I reverted to a giddy 15-year-old girl when I first fell for my husband, Michael. I was 30 at the time. Our first kiss felt like... my first kiss. I had major butterflies, displayed an endearing (in my mind, at least) amount of awkwardness, and felt a little mischievous during our first embracelike we might get caught. Time stood still. And other clichs applied. All the love songs on the radio spoke to me; I couldnt imagine ever looking at or wanting to be with another man. I wore underwear that actually matched my bra.

And today? While I vividly remember feeling like a teenager, now there are times when I feel like an old nagging woman reminding Michael, for the zillionth time, to pick up his socks. (What is it about men leaving a trail of socks around the home? Ive decided that it must date back to the trails that men had to leave in the forest to find their way back to their huts.) Im guessing that marriage feels different from dating not only for me, but for many of you as well.

Chances are you had settled into a full and fulfilling life before you got marriedone that included a group of great friends, vacations and weekend getaways, nights out on the town, and perhaps a demanding job you secretly enjoyed devoting too many hours to. In those days, you didnt have to check in with anyone if you were going to stay late, head to the gym after work, or eat dinner early. You enjoyed living on your own or with a roommate or two, and you were content indulging in your own schedule. This doesnt mean you did not imagineor desirea loving partner to share your life with, but you didnt need that special someone to feel as though your life was meaningful.

When you started dating your (now) husband, you may have been struck with the feeling that things could be even more fun and interesting with him around. Life was good, but with this guy, it could be even better. You had dated enough duds to know that this man was different. You were impressed with him, and with yourself around him. You were charming and witty, patient and kind. (I recently read an e-mail that I sent to Michael during our first few months of dating, and I wanted to hang out with the girl I was then!) Your husband brought out the best in you, and being with him became one of your favorite pastimes. The thought of many more hours and years in his presence delighted you. Otherwise, why would you have given up your single status?

Now that youve settled down and have more responsibilities, you may no longer see yourself as the self-assured woman who goes after what she wants, or as the patient and playful woman who is fun to be around. You may marvel that the man you now live with is the same one who pursued you, who once planned creative dates and left sweet, funny, or seductive messages on your voice mail.

The reality is that life doesnt always make it easy to prioritize the connection you have with your husband in the same way you once did, and your relationship often falls to the bottom of your long to-do list.

Every day, single women approach me for advice about how to keep the men theyre dating intrigued and interested and how to stay interesting themselves. I recently realized how few of us in long-term relationships ask ourselves these questions, even though they should still be relevant to our relationships. In fact, I believe these questions are even more relevant for those in longterm partnerships.

Too many women wake up in their marriages and wonder, Is this really it? They wonder if theyre still the women they once were, or the women they want to be now. They cant help but question if they are living the life they intended to have. And as scientists have come to understand, there is a very real biological difference between how it feels to fall in love and how it feels to be in love. This is actually good newsits totally normal to no longer daydream about your spouse or have hot fantasies about him when youre apart. Its completely common to trade in the G-strings for Spanx (right?). But just because you settle down doesnt mean you have to settle for a life you dont love.

When I began thinking about the topic for this book, I was inspired by the desire to keep my own marriage fresh and dynamic. The night before my wedding ceremony in 2006, I gave myself a pep talk that included an intimate promise. I will hold on to who I am and embrace who I can be. And I will always try to have fun.

The last part of my quiet secular prayer slipped out unexpectedly. In fact, it surprised me. I was entering a serious spiritual partnership governed by the law and I was thinking about fun? I was committing to a union with the man I loved and I was making a promise to