Terri Orbuch - Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship

Copyright 2012 by Terri L. Orbuch

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Orbuch, Terri.

Finding love again : 6 simple steps to a new and happy relationship / Terri L. Orbuch.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

(pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Interpersonal relationships. 3. Dating (Social customs) 4. Love. 5. Divorced people. I. Title.

HQ801.O694 2012

302--dc23

2012004319

Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my daughter and sonmay you always be surrounded by love and happiness.

Contents

Acknowledgments

THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE whose assistance and support have made this book possible. First, I would like to thank all of the participants in the Early Years of Marriage (EYM) project. Without your continued involvement and dedication, the research study and book would not be possible. Also, I am grateful to all of the students and colleagues who worked passionately and diligently on the EYM project over the last twenty-four years. Together, we have gained important information about marriage, divorce, and repartnering. I also appreciate the support and assistance of my colleagues and the administration at Oakland University, who have continued to be affirming of me and my scholarship. I am proud to be a part of the Oakland University community.

I want to thank Carolyn Rodi, whose commitment, creativity, and hard work helped me tremendously. I also greatly value the guidance, support, and enthusiasm of my publicist, Cathy Lewis; Gail Bradney; and my agent, Jill Marsal. In addition, Shana Drehs at Sourcebooks is a thoughtful and hardworking editor, who was devoted to this project from the beginning and helped me in many ways throughout the process.

Most importantly, my personal relationships mean the world to me. To my mother and father, who I deeply respect, your love for each other demonstrates the power of a happy and healthy relationship. To my sister, brother, and good friends, thank you for your valued and supportive friendship. To my children, thank you for your love and laughter. You make my world shine. And to my husband, I am fortunate to have you in my life. I value your love, support, and partnership.

Introduction

SO HERE YOU ARE. Your most recent relationship has ended, and youre thinking about a new one, or looking for love. You might be divorced or separated, or maybe youve just ended a long-term relationship, and youre considering dating again for the first time in a very long time. You might already be out there in search of Mr. or Ms. Right, and this time around, you want to do it right. But the dating world is completely different from the last time you were single, and unanswered questions keep popping up: How do I move on and forget about my ex? What kind of person is right for me? Am I too old to start over? How do I trust someoneor even find someone? And the tiny little voice at the back of your mind wonders: Will it be worth the effort if I do?

Believe me, I understand. Ive heard the same concerns and fears from literally hundreds and thousands of people just like you, who want to know how they can find a happy, healthy, and fulfilling new love. The kind of love that keeps your relationship strong, the kind of love you tell your children about, the kind of love you dream of. Youre not alone. There are over one hundred million single adults in the United States today, and four out of every ten were already married once. The percentage of married people who will become single again before the age of fiftyeither through divorce or a spouses deathis inching close to 50 percent as well. Who can blame you for feeling anxious or afraid? It can be overwhelming, I know.

But Im here to tell you that finding love againand more specifically, finding the right loveis 100 percent possible, now that you have this book and over twenty-five years of groundbreaking relationship research on your side. For over two decades, Ive directed a landmark study on love, dating, marriage, and relationships, funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH). This study is the only long-term study of its kind to follow a large and diverse group of people over such a long period of time: from the early days of newlywed bliss, through the ups and downs of marriage, and, for some, through separations, divorce, and new relationships. The study is unprecedented in its scope and depth; over seven hundred married and divorced men and women have been interviewed for over twenty-five years!

What does all of this mean for you? It means that the unique findings and advice Ill share with you in this bookthe secrets to successful dating, what makes relationships work, and what keeps couples happy and togetherare based on sound scientific research. The advice is tried and trueand it works. The simple, practical steps Ive developed from this research have been shown time and again to help singles find new and happy relationships. Better yet, these steps will be incredibly easy to implement in your own life.

There are plenty of dating guides that will help you grab someones attention, turn a few heads, and fill your calendar with double-latte coffee dates, late-night drinks, and four-star dinners. But this book isnt about finding just anyone and hoping that it all works out. This book is about finding true love from the inside out: preparing to date, rebuilding and moving on, discovering what your perfect partner is like, and then putting a plan into action to find that special someone. The person you have fun with and love to be around. The person youll grow old with. Maybe even The One. In these pages, youll discover scientifically proven, never-before-released information that will make this type of relationship possiblewhich will make dating wonderful, exciting, exhilarating, and fun.

The Love Doctor

In and around the greater metropolitan area of Detroit, I have a private practice as a marriage and family therapist. I consult with several large online dating sites, teach university students, and oversee that well-known government-funded study on marriage and divorce. Here, Im known as Dr. Terri Orbucha psychologist, sociologist, professor, and relationship researcher all rolled into one.

But outside of my counseling office and the two Michigan universities where I work, Oakland University and the University of Michigan, Im known as The Love Doctor, a nationally recognized relationship adviser on television and radio, in print, and in online media. Every day, I answer questions about love, dating, sex, marriage, divorce, and all kinds of relationships with advice thats upbeat, easy to use, and based soundly on science. I have a reputation for being optimistic and nonjudgmental, and people tell me they love my concrete, helpful tipstips they can apply right away to make their relationships healthier and more fulfilling.