Amy Laurent - 8 Weeks to Everlasting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Getting (and Keeping!) the Guy You Want

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Contents

Introduction

Dating sucks. Youve said it. Ive said it. Even your aunt Kathleen has said it. And this is what sucks: walking into a coffee shop, bar, or restaurant, scanning everyone in the room, looking for a man you may have never met, and sitting down for what is basically a job interview with drinks.

Putting yourself out there is challenging no matter the circumstances. Putting yourself out there in the hopes of getting real love and a lasting relationship is like finding yourself in the Olympics after your first swimming lessonyoull be underwater in no time. But dating can be wonderful . Dating the right person can be fun. It can be exciting. And, yes, it can be romantic.

So, lets reframe this.

What do we really mean when we say dating sucks?

We mean the first eight weeks.

Think about it. Maybe you have trouble getting past those first few weeks. You act interested, the guy stops calling. You act uninterested, he stops calling. Or maybe youre having trouble even getting past the first date. You bang your head against the wall, wondering, What is the deal? What am I doing wrong? So lets try this again. Instead of saying, Dating sucks, say, The initial stages of dating suck.

Feels better already, doesnt it?

Well, lets not stop there. Because Im here to tell you that it doesnt need to suck at all. In fact, dating can and should be your new favorite hobby. Instead of viewing it as a necessary evil, start looking at it as fun. Because it can be fun. This could be the chance to meet your next boyfriend or who knows, even your husband. Though I dont think the Cinderella story has done us many favors, the fact is every date you go on is a night at the ball (minus the pumpkin). So get dressed up, put on your favorite music, and allow yourself to feel a little romantic. Even if the first date doesnt go the way you want, its still a chance to get out of the house and meet someone new. So have fun! Dating can be a powerful, wonderful experience. But first, you have to stop seeing it as a chore, and start seeing it as a way to keep busy and meet new people. And who knows, tonights date might just be the first step on the road to everlasting.

Dating doesnt have to be like a job interview with drinks. Dating doesnt have to suck.

Heres the thing about dating. Nobody teaches you how to do it. Sure, we sit with our friends and recount our dating horror stories. We answer the magazine quizzes that promise to reveal our Dating IQ. And we watch those ridiculous romantic comedies, as if Katherine Heigl has anything to teach uslet alone Jennifer Aniston. But nobody really teaches us how to date. Not successfully, anyway.

We go to school to learn how to read and write. Were taught sixteenth-century history and algebra, and were even shown how to dissect a frog. But nobody, and I mean nobody, shows us how to date. (Although dissecting a frog comes close.) I can promise you, as a single woman I care a lot more today about meeting the right guy and having a successful relationship than I do about knowing who signed the Magna Carta. (Magna who ?)

Youre an intelligent woman. You have interests and goals of your own. And chances are one of those goals is to meet someone you fall in love with. Never mind that Everlasting Love has actually been trademarked by a jeweler and a florist, and co-opted by every greeting-card company in the country. You can have real and everlasting love (no trademark!) as long as youre sensible and strategicas long as you dont buy into the fairy-tale dream made up by marketers. Because creating a real relationship is not a matter of being struck by Cupids arrow and finding The One. Everlasting love is a goal, and it should be treated like one.

Goals take time, hard work, strategy, and patience. Youd accept that notion, wouldnt you, if your goal was to get a promotion, become certified in yoga, or learn to play the violin? So why should your romantic goals be any different? They shouldnt be. Thats good news, because it means that your goal of finding love is within your reach. Yes, your reach. But let me repeat myself here: this goal requires time, hard work, strategy, and patience. Most all of, it requires that you make sound choices particularly in those first eight weeks.

The first eight weeks are the most important part of the dating process. These are the make-it or break-it days (and dates) that separate the couples from the singles. So lets take a step back and evaluate. What are you looking for and where? What do you want in a partner? What do you value, and what do you want to be valued for?

Dont be that fool whos always rushing in. Stop thinking of every first date as The One. Stop making him out to be something hes not, and for heavens sake, stop making excuses. Most important, stop thinking of the fairy-tale courtship and you may just avoid the fairy-tale divorce. (With apologies to Kim Kardashian.)

The first eight weeks are the make-it or break-it days (and dates) that separate the couples from the singles.

Are you serious about wanting to create a satisfying and lasting relationship? Yes, I said create, because you create a good relationshipyou dont find it. If you are, then you need to start applying the same principles that you would to any other worthwhile goal.

Dont know how?

Thats where I come in.

Im a professional matchmaker who has spent the last six years connecting men and women who are too busy to find suitable dates either online or in bars or through their second cousin twice removed. My clients are professional people who are tired of meeting the wrong guy (or the wrong girl), so they come to me in order to find the right one. I have helped hundreds of men and women find lovemany of whom have gone on to marry. In fact, I currently have an 80 to 85 percent success rate helping people find a partner within the first three months, and I have been responsible for almost thirty marriages in less than five years. But my job is more than just setting people up; it is helping them after the introductions have been made and the dating begins. Whether its a guy wondering, What the heck is she thinking? or a girl wondering, What the heck is he thinking? a major part of my job is to help both parties negotiate those tenuous weeks that can lead to everlasting.

We dont find lasting relationships. We create them.

I may be a professional matchmaker, but in many ways Im very much like you. Ive dated like you. Acted like you. Cried like you. And over the years, Ive bought every dating book on the shelf. Ive read about how Im supposed to be a bitch, how Im supposed to play the game, how Im supposed to learn the rules. All of which reinforced my opinion that dating sucks. Im not sure what it was that sparked the change in me, or when (maybe it was after telling myself one too many times that hes just not into me ), but I started to pay attention.

I pay attention to what men do and what they say. I pay attention to what women do and what they say. And I pay attention to what men and women doand saywhen theyre together. Its all very interesting, I can tell you. But nothing is more interesting than what men say after the date has ended.