Wright Doyle - The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful: A Handbook to Marriage

the

Good

the

Bad

and the

Beautiful

a handbook to marriage

G. Wright Doyle

Durham, NC

Copyright 2018 George Wright Doyle

The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful: A Handbook to Marriage

George Wright Doyle

www.reachingchineseworldwide.org

wright.doyle@gmail.com

Published 2018, by Torchflame Books
an Imprint of Light Messages

www.lightmessages.com

Durham, NC 27713 USA

SAN: 920-9298

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-61153-293-7

E-book ISBN: 978-1-61153-292-0

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018944725

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 International Copyright Act, without the prior written permission except in brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

All Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version of the Bible. Broadman & Holman Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1996

Praise for The Good the Bad and the Beautiful

This simple yet elegant book invites contemporary readers into a rich conversation with a patient and compassionate mentor. G. Wright Doyle wrote it with the most pressing and realistic needs of Christian couples in mind. Apart from biblical principles, he enacts the daily dramas and challenges in the marriage scene with a reflective insiders view. Like a Pilgrims Progress for married couples, no matter how long you have been married, Doyles book condenses a journey with profound biblical wisdom on the good, the bad and the beautiful, as men and women in marriage are called to experience the deepest mystery and beauty of Gods plan for creation.

Li Ma, PhD., Research Fellow of the Henry Institute for the Study of Christianity and Politics, Calvin College,
Author of Surviving the State, Remaking the Church

Doyle deals with the specifics that need attention for all our marriages, but all of them are placed before the wisdom, the intention, and the commitment of God for husbands and wives. Doyles wife, Dori, has signed off on this book with her approval, a major tribute in itself. She is a woman of faith and joy in the Lord, and a devoted partner happy to be married to the man who has written this book on marriage. How wonderful to have a book that reflects their sound marriage and directs us to Gods lessons for each of us.

Rev. Tad de Bordenave, Anglican Church or Nigeria,
Author of The Year of Pauls Reversal
(Best Man at the Doyles wedding)

A treasure chest of Biblical truth, personal and pastoral experience and stirring encouragement! Gods Word is clear. Doyles application is clear and concise. But those seeking successful and fulfilling marriage, or the restoration of a failing one, will find meaning and hope in the joys of learning and practicing Gods blessed plan to become more and more like His Son and their Lord.

The Rev. Peter R. Doyle, ThD, DD,
Author of Jonathan Edwards on the New Birth in the Spirit

Introduction

F or some time, I thought of writing down a few observations about marriage, but held back. My hesitation sprang from a variety of sources. So many books about marriage already fill the stores; do we need another? And they are mostly written by expertspeople who have spent years doing scientific research about what makes couples happy or sad, how to build a better relationship, how to avoid infidelity and divorce. The books I list at the end have been especially helpful to me.

As I have re-read them, I have wondered, Do I really need to write a book on marriage? I am not an expert. Then there is my own marriage, marred in past years by multiple maladjustments, and still far from ideal. I cant set myself up as the perfect example to follow, so why should I presume to share any of my ideas with others?

To add to my doubts, I reflect on the fact that few men read books about marriage, and yet much of the happiness of any marital relationship stems from the attitudes and actions of the husband. If the man leads, the woman will often (though not always) follow. A loving husband will prevent most problems from arising and will effectivelyeven if imperfectlydeal with the inevitable difficulties that come when two sinners live together.

Nevertheless, I am convinced that I should at least try to pass on some of what I have learned over the past fifty-one years since my wife Dori and I became engaged. Before marriage, we were required by my brother Peter, who performed our wedding ceremony, to read A Handbook to Marriage , by Theodore Bovet. Funny how I thought that, having read that one book, I had all the knowledge necessary for a successful marriage! But some of his words have come back to me since then, casting a beam of light upon an otherwise confusing path.

About two dozen other volumes on marriage have also proven helpful to me along the way. For example, Willard Harleys His Needs, Her Needs comes to mind, though I dont agree with all that he says. One theme that keeps recurring in that book is the huge disconnect between dating (or courtship) and marriage itself. Repeatedly, Harley shows how people change radically after they say their wedding vows, and how terribly shocked and disappointed most couples are when the honeymoon period comes to a crashing close and the harsh reality of daily life together sets in.

I guess that is one of my main motivations for writing this handbook. I want to help others to think through what happens when two people tie the matrimonial knot, so that they wont imagine that something strange has happened to them when they encounter the usual trials of living together as man and wife. If possible, of course, I would hope that I could alleviate, or even prevent, unnecessary pain. I say unnecessary, because so much of the sorrow that usually attends marriage can be avoided, both by wise choices before the wedding (or even before engagement) and by quick action when obstacles arise in our path.

More recently, Timothy Keller, with his wife Kathy, has given us perhaps the best all-around Christian treatment of marriage, The Meaning of Marriage . In fact, after reading it, I doubted whether I should publish mine! He has done a great deal of research, much of which disproves many common assumptions.

For example, All surveys tell us that the number of married people who say they are very happy in their marriages is high about 61-62 percent. And of marriages that were not happy, two-thirds will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced . [P]eople who are married consistently show much higher degrees of satisfaction with their lives than those who are single, divorced, or living with a partner.

Then I realized that I discuss some things that others, not even Keller, dont, and that God seems to have given me something unique to say.

Our own experience has included going through almost a dozen years of marital counseling during the first thirty years of our marriage. As a minister, missionary, and friend, I have counseled others, often with Doris help. These experiences, plus the books I have read, form the backdrop of much of what I now believe about marriage, but I hope that the Scriptures will provide the basic outline, structure, and even content of the main ideas that follow.

There wont be many stories to illustrate these principles, just the basic information. The works I recommend later are filled with anecdotes and examples, so I dont feel a great need to lengthen this little handbook unnecessarily. We will be looking at Gods original plan for marriage the Goodthen at some of the causes of conflict, confusion, and collapsethe Badand finally, at what God can do with those married people who love, trust, and follow himthe Beautiful.