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Epub ISBN: 9781446426937
Version 1.0
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Published by Jonathan Cape 2006
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Copyright Adam Thorpe 2006
Adam Thorpe has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs
and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
First published in Great Britain in 2006 by
Jonathan Cape
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9780224074971 (from January 2007)
ISBN 0224074970
Often you meet your destiny on the very path you took to avoid it.
Jean de La Fontaine
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Fiction
Ulverton
Still
Pieces of Light
Shifts
Nineteen Twenty-One
No Telling
The Rules of Perspective
Poetry
Mornings in the Baltic
Meeting Montaigne
From the Neanderthal
Nine Lessons from the Dark
IS THIS THE WAY YOU SAID?Adam Thorpe
HEAVY SHOPPING
He was on a high-intensity bash in Stirling when the news came through. Phil McAllister, the operations manager, found him in the corridor.
Im a father, Alan said, blowing his nose. Shes in an incubator. Shes OK.
Thats cracking, Alan, said Phil, in his dull Dumfries voice.
Shes two months wotsits premature.
Itll be alright, Alan. They can do anything, these days. You dont need a womb.
Sophie had called him in the middle of the pre-breakfast induction meeting, twenty minutes ago, and Alan had excused himself because it was Sofe, though hed pretended it was business. Sophie hadnt phoned him at work since the end of their unfortunate little fling three years back.
Roger Unwin had been in the middle of one of his lectures, grinding on about establishing an organisation culture in an era of flat management while Hairy Mary took notes. It was easy to slip out. It was a relief, frankly: the air was full of his colleagues pre-breakfast flatulence, unwashed mouths, overdone roll-on deodorants.
Sophie was phoning from the hospital. He had a little girl.
He couldnt believe it. Hed had a few too many in the bar on arrival last night and didnt feel one hundred per cent. The unbelieving part of him was watching him from the outside, with folded arms, cool as a cucumber.
He had a little girl.
Why? he asked, like a kid.
It happens.
Thats a little bit of a surprise.
He was amazed at how calm he was being. It wasnt normal. It wasnt even a good thing. The reception was lousy and made Sofe sound breathless. Or maybe she was breathless.
Look, hows Jill?
Jills just fine, said his wifes best friend.
And my little girl?
Alan, shes two months premature but theyre very good.
I know shes two months premature.
Theyve put her in an incubator. Theyre very good.
Shes going to be alright, obviously, he said.
Theyre very good.
Nothing wrong with her?
Sophie sighed. They know what theyre doing, Alan.
Beautiful, is she, obviously?
Shes very
The line fuzzed and drowned Sophie out, but he thought hed heard tiny. Shes very tiny. All babies are tiny. He walked along the corridor with the mobile pressed to his ear and the fuzz died down in front of a Greek bust that Brian Wallis had said looked like Pat Ryan after the latest sales figures had been posted. A brass plaque on the base said: Athene Ergane, Working Athena. The Premiere Company Working for You. He wished life could be simpler.
Sophie? Hello? Hello? Fuck. Hello?
She came back on line again.
Sophie, hiya, sorry about the reception. Im in this bloody conference centre way up in Stirling. Wherere you phoning from?
The hospital.
And mother and baby theyre OK?
I said, theyre OK, Alan. Keep calm.
Right. Thats good.
How could she be telling him to keep calm? He was amazingly calm. He knew deep down that everything would be A-plus.
Shes very little, said Sophie, her voice cracking.
He nodded.
Obviously. When was she born?
At 5.50.
His heart took a quick breath as if hed fallen deeply in love. Then it was slamming again.
In the morning, obviously.
Sorry?
In the early hours.
It felt like the night.
Why didnt you phone earlier?
It wasnt our first thought, Alan. Our first thought was Jill and the baby.
Theyre OK?
Yes, Alan.
I mean, you know, theyre not in danger, obviously?
Theyre in very good hands, Alan. I think Jill would like you to be here. Ive got to go now.
Of course Ill be there, he said. Of course I will. Well sort it. Tell her to keep her pecker up and she gets a very sloppy kiss from me.
He didnt know whether to be over the moon or gutted. So he was neither. He was empty where he should have been full. He was watching himself as people do on operating tables. He was acting, he was actually acting alarmed. In fact, a large part of him just wanted to get back into the meeting and have Roger Unwin bore the knickers off him again.
The baby had been born way too early. Over two months early. Was that dangerously early? Maybe it wasnt. Maybe they whacked them all into incubators, just to be sure. Premature. His little girl. The cheeky little scrog couldnt wait to get out, she was obviously going to be precocious. Precocious. A better concept than premature. Hed wanted to talk to Jill herself but Sophie had told him she was too tired. She wasnt asleep, she was too tired, and her mobile was switched off. He could always try texting her.
Well done you I love you both very much xxxxxxx
Ill bet shes on an oxygen mask, he thought, sending the message off and immediately thinking how pathetic it was. Bloody oxygen mask thats why she cant talk. Sophies protecting his feelings. Or maybe Jill doesnt want to talk to him because hes a man and these are two women working together as women do, shutting him out.
He phoned Sophie again and told her he very much wanted to talk to Jill, she didnt have to talk back, and Sofe asked him why he was sounding angry and he denied sounding angry. He could hear voices behind her voice, and distant metallic crashes and bangs. He said it sounded as if she was on a building site and Sofe said they were at the Hull General, or whatever it was called, but they werent allowed to use mobiles in the wards so she was walking down the corridor towards the lifts.
Kingston General, he said, on Beverley Road? You sure? Not the Royal Infirmary?