Angela Savage - The Half-child

For Olgamary Savage, ne Whelan
Much has she loved

P ornthip heaved herself up on her elbows to look at the baby.

Look ying, the nurse said.

She held the squirming newborn aloft, tilting her so Pornthip could see. A bloodied cord dangled like rope from the babys belly, sticky white cream smeared on her skin.

The nurse dabbed at the mess with a cloth.

Pornthip had wanted a son, someone to grow up and look after her, but it was not her fate. Shed given birth to a baby girl, another body to protect. She forced herself to sit up.

Please give her to me.

The nurse hesitated, looked to the other woman in the room. Asian but not Thai, Pornthip realised. The woman also wore a nurses uniform, but the medical equipment around her neck and her manner denoted seniority. She mouthed something to the Thai nurse and shook her head.

Pornthip lunged towards the baby. Give her to me!

Shocked, the Thai nurse handed over the baby. Pornthip eased herself back down on to the pillow and laid her daughter on the papery gown covering her chest. The baby, eyes squeezed shut, opened and closed her mouth like a little bird.

Nok noi, Pornthip whispered, adding in a louder voice, She looks like a baby bird.

Nokthat would be her cheu len, her nickname.

Would you like to try and feed her? the nurse asked.

The foreigner protested, using words Pornthip didnt understand, and moved to pick up the baby.

Let her be, Pornthip said. She tried to tighten her hold on her daughter, but the outburst had drained her last reserves of strength. Why is she here? she asked the nurse, nodding at the farang. I dont understand.

The nurse said something in a low voice. The foreigner turned on her heel and left the room.

Nok snuffled like a piglet. The nurse gestured for Pornthip to raise her head, untied the strings of the hospital gown and tugged at the neckline to uncover Pornthips breasts. Nok latched on to Pornthips nipple and began sucking noisily.

Mae Yais voice came back from across the years, warning Pornthips mother not to put the baby on the breast before the milk came in. Pornthip couldnt remember which of her eight siblings, all born at home, her grandmother had been referring to, or why the first milk wasnt good for the baby.

Dont worry, the Thai nurse reassured her. Its good for the baby.

Pornthip felt a stab of pain followed by a wave of pleasure, and sank back against the bed. If her mother was still alive, shed have taken charge. Pornthip would be confined to the house to lie with the baby in a heated room for thirty days while her relatives tended to them. Her body would have had time to recover from the birth.

Instead, she was alone with her daughter in a strange place. She had no money, no job, no idea who the babys father wasnot that it would make any difference. In the months leading up to the birth, shed slept rough on the beach or streets. Eventually a security guard took pity and let her doze in his sentry box for a few hours in exchange for a nightly blow-job. No place for a baby girl.

When shed gone into labour at twilight on the beach, shed panicked. Shed only ended up at the hospital because a farang woman found her, bundled her into a songthaew, and paid to have her admitted. But the foreigner had gone away, and Pornthip had no idea what to do next.

Her mouth was dry and her body ached with exhaustion and hunger. After months on the street, she was nothing but skin, bones and distended belly. What Nok found to suck from her underfed body Pornthip did not know, though the baby seemed content shuffling from one nipple to the other.

When at last she broke away, Nok lay on Pornthips chest, opened her eyes and met her mothers gaze with a look that might have been wonder.

Sawadee Nok, Pornthip said.

The baby frowned and opened her mouth.

Dont ask me, Pornthip whispered. I dont know what were going to do.

At that moment the door to the delivery room opened and the boss-nurse reappeared with a white man in tow.

Pornthip blanched, hastened to cover her exposed breasts. The abrupt movement upset Nok, who started to cry. To her surprise, the farang man took a white towel and draped it over mother and baby like a blanket.

Shell be feeling cold, he said in Thai, rubbing the babys back through the cotton.

Nok stopped crying and fell asleep.

Pornthip stared at him. He had blotchy skin and a huge nose. Wiry grey-brown hair sprouted from inside his nostrils and ears, like tufts of grass from rock. He looked like the buffoon in a village talok troupe.

Hello little sister, Im Khun Frank, the man said.

Connie here he tilted his head at the boss nurse tells me your names Pornthip.

She nodded, kept one hand on the small of Noks back, raised the other in a half-wai.

And youve just had a beautiful baby girl, Frank continued. Congratulations.

Pornthip tried to speak but her mouth was too dry.

You need a drink?

The Thai nurse approached but Frank dismissed her with a wave. Pornthip thought she choked back a cry as she scuttled out of the room.

Frank gestured at Connie, who came forward with water. He held the glass so Pornthip could drink through the straw.

Khop khun na ka, she said, lying back down again.

So tell me, Pornthip, how do you plan to care for the baby?

Pornthips eyes filled with hot tears. Could he read her mind? Was another farang about to come to her rescue?

Mai roo! I dont know.

Connie handed Frank a clipboard.

Thats okay, he said. Youve been through so much.

And it says here he leafed through some papers that youre only sixteen. Is that right?

Pornthip nodded.

Youre exhausted. You should rest. Connie here will give you something to take away the pain and help you sleep.

He might look like a clown but his voice was calm and serious. Pornthip watched the farang nurse prepare a needle.

Just relax, Khun Frank said. Well take care of everything. We know you want whats best for the baby and so do we.

Pornthip nodded.

Family? he asked.

Brothers and sisters in Kalasin, she said. Mother and father dead.

Would you like us to help you go home to Kalasin?

The prospect brought on a fresh wave of tears.

Can you do that?

The nurse moved forward and inserted the needle into Pornthips arm.

Yes, we can do that, Frank said. And well also make sure the baby is well looked after. I mean, its not realistic for you to take her with you, is it?

Pornthip frowned, confused, as the words penetrated the euphoria washing over her.

Shell need food, clothing, shelter. And you know you cant provide for her, he continued.

I dont want to leave my baby.

The words came out slurred, without the force she intended.

Dont think of it as leaving her, Frank said. Think of it as giving her the best possible start in life. Shell be cared for by a mother and father wholl be able to provide her with all she needs. And when she gets older, youll be able to visit her.

Pornthip smiled, her anxieties fading.

He snapped a sheet of paper on to the clipboard and placed a pen in Pornthips hand.

All you need to do is sign here and leave the rest to us.

He balanced the clipboard on her chest, blocking her view of the baby. Pornthip didnt read well at the best of times and the words danced on the page.

I cant see it, she muttered.

Thats okay, Frank said. Here, let me help you.

Pornthip felt his hand close over hers. She peered where he pointed, scrawled on the dotted line.