Lisa Lutz - The Spellman Files

M y father encouraged the court to throw the book at Rae, but Raes compelling and persuasive plea to the bench, which included a cheesy passage regarding how all her actions were done out of love (and which ended with the line Look at me. I wont stand a chance in juvenile hall) managed to persuade the judge, who, frankly, happened to find Rae the most sympathetic person in my family.

But what she did required more than a slap on the wrist. Judge Stevens gave her nine months probation, which included a 7:00 P.M . curfew and one hundred hours of community service at Oak Tree Convalescent Home. My parents chose that punishment believing that the lack of excitement would sting Rae the most and remind her that actions have consequences. But Rae had once watched a segment on 60 Minutes regarding elder abuse in nursing homes and took the opportunity to investigate all the employees at Oak Tree. She found one member of the staff who stole from the clients and another responsible for criminal neglect. She snuck in a camera and managed to get incriminating footage on both employees. She brought the tape to Inspector Stone, the only police officer she knew, and he passed it on to the appropriate departments.

Green Leaf Recovery Center

When Rae returned home, Uncle Ray unfortunately had to grapple with the deal he had made with God. He had promised he would go to rehab if Rae were returned safe and sound. But his deal implied that foul play had caused her disappearance. The fact that Rae had disappeared by her own hand complicated matters. Uncle Ray, having some degree of superstition, had to come up with a compromise that would alleviate any further guilt but not alter his essential lifestyle.

He sat Rae down to explain his decision to her.

Listen, kid, when you went missing, I made a promise to the Big Guy that if you came back, Id go to rehab.

Rae responded by throwing her arms around him. He disengaged her embrace and continued. But you see, you werent really missing in the way I thought you were missing. And had I known that you had kidnapped yourself and were gonna show up five days later with those twenty-four-hour-television eyes and not a scratch on you, I wouldnt have made the deal.

So youre not going to rehab?

Ive been agonizing over this decision and the fact remains that, semantically, I owe God a trip to rehab. I promised him if you came back Id go. So Im going.

Rae threw her arms around him once again and he pried her off.

Listen. Im going to rehab semantically, too. Do you understand?

Sure, youre going to rehab, Rae said, trying to figure out the definition of semantically and whether that was a bad thing.

No. Im going to rehab. But Im not going to rehab.

I dont understand.

Im gonna spend thirty days at Green Leaf Recovery Center. But it wont stick. When I get out Im going to be the same old Uncle Ray.

So youre gonna be Old Uncle Ray, like they told me about.

No. Im going to be new Uncle Ray, which is old Uncle Ray to you. Kid, Im not changing.

Rae simply got up from the couch and walked away, finally realizing that some people you cant control even with the best-laid plans.

In her first act of defiance since her probation started, Rae took the bus to Milos for happy hour.

Milo telephoned me when his pleas for Rae to leave went unanswered.

Your sister is off the wagon again.

Ill be right there.

When I arrived, Rae was on her third ginger ale on the rocks. Instead of the usual protest and refusal to move, Rae took one look at me and said, All right, all right. Im leaving. She left Milo a generous tip and casually mentioned that he wouldnt be seeing her for a very long time.

Like seven years? asked Milo.

Not that long, Rae replied.

I drove Rae directly from the bar to Daniels office, having made a last-minute appointment for her to get those three cavities filled. I figured that if she connected going to a bar with a dental appointment, it might subliminally force a negative association.

Daniel remained Ex-boyfriend #9 and showed no signs that he wanted to change that status. Mrs. Sanchez told me he was dating a schoolteachera real onewho also played tennis. I asked Daniel about her outfits for future reference, but he refused to answer the question.

One month into Raes probation, my mother got a toothache that she couldnt quell with her emergency stash of Vicodin. All planes to OHare airport were grounded because of a bitter storm in the Midwest. Unable to cope with the mounting pain, and per my insistence, my mother made an appointment with Daniel. He performed an emergency root canalwith my father present, of course.