Spider Robinson - Callahans lady

BOOK 1 - A VERY VERY VERY FINE HOUSE

CHAPTER 1 THE LADY

Its a good idea to stake out a spot near an alley, if you can manage it without a fight.

Occasionally you get a john whos in a big hurry, or who enjoys the thought of making out in almost-public. Either kind can be dealt with in a quarter of the usual time, with minimal effort, and neither kind is liable to insist on a discount. Besides, if you think about it, they are getting a discount since they dont have to pay for a room.

You have to look them over carefully before going up that alley with them. Even the cheapest, sleaziest hotel room has an inhibiting effect on a rapist or mugger or nutcase. Whereas an alley is a place from which he can escape in two directions in a hurry.

But it had been my experience that, while perhaps a quarter of all johns were weird in one way or another, less than one in a hundred was dangerously weird. And I had never met one of those that I couldnt cope with. I used to quote those statistics about how the vast majority of murder and rape victims were assaulted by someone they knew. So when I hit the set that night, the first thing I did was to grab a spot near a good alley. One with no overlooking windows or fire escapes, or intrusive lights. I got there just ahead of Suzy Q, and he glared at me, but surrendered the spot. (Suzy was a pre-op transsexual, who billed himself as the One-Stop-Shop, and he and I had an understanding. He didnt mess with me, and I let him stay a pre-op transsexual.) The moon was just coming up over the pool hail across the Street when a well-dressed straight couple walked past me: a short, sad-looking man and somebodys maiden auntie, talking in low voices.

I only noticed them because of the glance the auntie gave me. Lots of well-dressed aunties looked at me with a mixture of pity and condescension and revulsion. This ones eyes held only pity. Somehow that was even more irritating.

So I half watched them as they walked by me and neared the mouth of the alley. I noticed vaguely that he had awfully big ears, and that she had a pretty fair little shape for an aunt ie.

And then his worried-sounding murmur rose in volume, so that I caught the last two words: -right now! He thrust something into her hands, and she took it at once, began doing something to his neck with it. The gestures she made were oddly familiar, but I couldnt place them. She stood back, and I got it. He now wore a dog collar around his neck, and the end of the leash was in her hand.

And they ducked into the alley.

I broke up. They were just the most unlikely couple I could imagine to grab an alley quickie-much less to be into B&D.

I stopped laughing almost at once. When I was her age, came the thought, Id probably have to take the weird johns too.

Or maybe their relationship was personal rather than professional. In any case, they were consummating it in my goddamn alley. I followed them into the alley on cat feet.

A shaft of moonlight on the alley wall provided dim illumination. I saw them about twenty yards away, their backs to me. I moved so that I was no longer silhouetted against the mouth of the alley for them, and settled into voyeur mode.

The show was already in progress: he was removing his clothes with considerable haste. All of them, which I thought strange and rather rash considering the exposed location. As he removed each garment he handed it to the aunt ie. In a surprisingly short time he was stark naked. Not even socks; not a wristwatch or a ring. Just that collar. He looked like they all look.

Youll forgive me if I dont watch, I heard her say, and she turned away from him. She was British, and unquestionably she was someones maiden aunt. I had heard that some Brits were into this sort of thing. The question was, did I let them proceed with whatever the hell it was they were -doing, or chase them off my turf?

While I was deciding, he changed.

I dont scream, okay? I never have, not once in my life. Oh, Ive yelled at the top of my voice a few times, hollered Ouch! or Stop! or You bastard! or whatever. But that clich of a thousand suspense films, the unspellable, unpronounceable, generic falsetto female scream, is just not natural to me. Believe me, the life Ive had, if it was going to happen it would have by now.

I didnt scream this time, as he changed. But I tried.

If you go to the movies much, youve probably seen a physical transformation very like it.

That was my first thought: state of the art special effects. Skin stretched or shrank, changed

color, changed texture, sprouted hair. Bones shifted, melted, extruded. The overall effect was a shrinking, a compacting. There was a constant muffled sound, like someone tearing up a whole chicken wrapped in a towel. I remembered that the moon was full tonight.

Maureen, I thought, you are watching a werewolf change shape in an alley in Brooklyn, while his auntie discreetly turns her back.

Of course I was wrong. Even in the lousy light, I could see the moment the transformation was finished that he was not a werewolf. If he had been, I think I would have refused to believe my eyes. But what they told me was so silly I simply could not disbelieve it.

He was a werebeagle.

If the gods had allowed me to summon anyone I chose to assist me in that-moment well, he would have been somewhere above fifth on the list. It was Big Travis, my pimp.

Hey, Baby Love, he said lazily.

I had always hated that stupid name: now it sounded sweet in my ears. Bad weirdness was behind me, but my protector was here. Travis! Jesus, Im glad you came along-you wont believe what I just saw

You wont believe what I just heard.

-later, honey; first come see this, honest to God youll

I was shocked when he hit me.

There was no mistaking that shape, those ears. I had been in love with a beagle from ages five to seven, and had never really gotten over his loss. I recognized the new smell which was making the alley even riper than it had been a moment ago Well, of course I thought dizzily, It stood to reason that a beagles bowels must be smaller.

Perhaps that small, homely detail made it plausible to me. Theyd certainly never mentioned such a side effect of lycanthropy in any of the movies, and I knew I would never have thought of it myself-but it made sense. I didnt stop to work this out consciously at the time; I simply believed what I was seeing.

And did what seemed an intelligent thing: I turned very quietly on my heels and began tiptoeing out of there. This wasnt my alley (although I had thought so until twenty seconds earlier); if people wanted to walk their werebeagles here it was none of my affair.

How could I have guessed that I was walking in the wrong direction?

Id have sworn my heart was already beating at maximum speed, but it revved up sharply as a large male figure appeared just before me in the mouth of the alley, silhouetted against the lesser darkness of the street. Then I recognized him, and felt a wave of relief. All right, I thought.

I had actually thought I could control Big Travis-that I was controlling him. It was a powerful and necessary illusion for a girl in my position, I guess. I took a great deal of secret pride in being able to control so strong and wild an animal. Perhaps Travis was aware of the illusion, and had allowed it to persist as his means of controlling me. If so, the illusion backfired on us both, for it had given me the idea that I could get away with skimming from him.

It kept me from noticing a smouldering glow in his eyes that night, and it persisted right up to the moment his big hand smashed into my left side, just below the ribs, and its loss caused me several kinds of pain.

Least of which-at first-was the physical pain. Travis had hit me much harder than that-once, back when wed been defining our relationship. I was convinced that I had allowed him to do so then, deliberately given him the illusion that he was the one in control, as a means of-establishing my control over him.